WRBL 2017 Review: Really Just The Cold Hard Facts

Congratulations to Ryan Dougherty once again on not only losing to the Vikings in the second round of the playoffs but, also winning the 3rd (We're actually not even counting 2014 anymore. Sorry, 2014 champions... whoever you were Upon further review: Nick Zurawski was the 2014 champion) Wisconsin Rapids Bro League Championship. It was about as easy a road as one could possibly ask for but, we've seen easier paths fucked up along the way. Not only was Ryan a top 4 scoring team in an 8-team league for 15 of the 16 weeks we played but, he had the highest-scoring player in the league in Running Back Todd Gurley (a now two-time league champion), another top-5 RB in LeSean McCoy (5th, 247 points), a top-5 receiver (Keenan Allen, 5th, 256 points) and both the fifth and sixth-highest scoring quarterbacks in Drew Brees and Carson Wentz. Fantasy Football is 10% skill and 90% luck (varies by the season, not at all a serious statistical analysis) and Ryan just coasted to a championship during his rookie season. Granted, Andy Todd gave him a mediocre fight in the finale but, the war of attrition favored Team Easy Breesy that Christmas weekend and I'm sure he received the trophy from the absent Cole Walters at some point. Will he be a one-hit wonder or is sophomore success in the near future? It's the WRBL so, anything COULD happen.

Typically, I would have a much longer review of the season but, I spent some of the offseason digging up our All-Time scoring leaders (player-wise) and my blog has become a tougher thing to manage through the offseason months (football is the only thing motivating me to come on here outside of music) so, this is all I have to give to you all for now. The season ahead is still certain to be a fun one and an active one so, let's just pin this one on Ryan for not providing offseason trophy pictures. Good luck to all in the upcoming September 5th, 8:00 PM ONLINE (sheds a tear) draft. May the best man (is Ryan even legally a man yet?) emerge victorious. Haters gonna hate. Potatoes gonna potate. Enjoy The Shelby.

Remember all of those players that were injured in week 15? Yeah, that wasn't great.

You jerk.

Final Standings
1st - Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty)
2nd - The Engine That Could (Andy Todd)
3rd - Scott Bless Scott Damn (Scott Aschebrook)
4th - Tremendous Big League (Nick Zurawski)
5th - SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen)
6th - Launders Money With The WRPD (Alec Swanson)
7th - Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook)
8th - Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters)

Things we blamed Cole Walters for in 2017
1. Making Taylor Swift put her own spin on Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy".
2. Sneaky erorrs in spelling.
3. Fleas.
4. The lack of a perfect flavor of Pop Tart.
5. The death of journalism.
6. This awfully hot coffee pot.
7. Gordon Hayward's ankle injury.
8. Online shopping destroying retail chains.
9. The Madden franchise barely improving over the past decade.
10. Misshapen earholes, unable to hold earbuds.
11. The rampant greed that has destroyed Thanksgiving.
12. Low talkers.
13. Crying over spilled milk.
14. Rafael Palmeiro's delusions.
15. The NFL's stupid Christmas Eve & Day scheduling in 2017.
16. Prioritizing the new Star Wars movie over the league.

Team-by-Team Results

Key: Opponent's Name, Result. It's really that simple. 

Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 7th, 3-11

Week 1 - Nick Zurawski L 81-110

Week 2 - Ryan Dougherty L 125-135

Week 3 - Tyler Sneen L 102-134

Week 4 - Scott Aschebrook L 89-117

Week 5 - Cole Walters L 133-151

Week 6 - Alec Swanson L 64-96

Week 7 - Andy Todd L 84-110

Week 8 - Nick Zurawski L 117-162

Week 9 - Ryan Dougherty L 101-123

Week 10 - Tyler Sneen W 144-91

Week 11 - Scott Aschebrook W 106-79

Week 12 - Cole Walters W 114-104

Week 13 - Alec Swanson L 121-131

Week 14 - Andy Todd L 101-107

Week 15 - #5 Alec Swanson L 115.48-117.38 (Tiebreaker scoring)

Week 16 - #7 Cole Walters W 109-89

Scott Bless Scott Damn (Scott Aschebrook) 3rd, 8-6

Week 1 - Andy Todd L 114-129

Week 2 - Alec Swanson W 83-68

Week 3 - Cole Walters W 146-85

Week 4 - Darrin Aschebrook W 117-89

Week 5 - Nick Zurawski L 73-111

Week 6 - Ryan Dougherty W 155-125

Week 7 - Tyler Sneen W 124-102

Week 8 - Andy Todd W 117-107

Week 9 - Alec Swanson W 135-116

Week 10 - Cole Walters W 107-102

Week 11 - Darrin Aschebrook L 79-106

Week 12 - Nick Zurawski L 107-113

Week 13 - Ryan Dougherty L 116-125

Week 14 - Tyler Sneen L 84-99

Week 15 - #1 Andy Todd L 111-117

Week 16 - #2 Nick Zurawski W 17-10

Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) CHAMPION, 9-5

Week 1 - Tyler Sneen W 149-81

Week 2 - Darrin Aschebrook W 135-125

Week 3 - Nick Zurawski W 149-87

Week 4 - Alec Swanson L 126-136

Week 5 - Andy Todd L 97-126

Week 6 - Scott Aschebrook L 125-155

Week 7 - Cole Walters W 124-104

Week 8 - Tyler Sneen W 123-87

Week 9 - Darrin Aschebrook W 123-101

Week 10 - Nick Zurawski L 108-109

Week 11 - Alec Swanson L 127-170

Week 12 - Andy Todd W 121-99

Week 13 - Scott Aschebrook W 125-116

Week 14 - Cole Walters W 151-121

Week 15 - #2 Nick Zurawski W 161-106

Week 16 - #1 Andy Todd W 135-118

SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 5th, 6-8

Week 1 - Ryan Dougherty L 81-149

Week 2 - Nick Zurawski W 150-115

Week 3 - Darrin Aschebrook W 134-102

Week 4 - Cole Walters L 89-123

Week 5 - Alec Swanson L 91-106

Week 6 - Andy Todd W 114-60

Week 7 - Scott Aschebrook L 102-124

Week 8 - Ryan Dougherty L 87-123

Week 9 - Nick Zurawski L 74-94

Week 10 - Darrin Aschebrook L 91-144

Week 11 - Cole Walters W 127-99

Week 12 - Alec Swanson W 161-124

Week 13 - Andy Todd L 79-119

Week 14 - Scott Aschebrook W 99-84

Week 15 - #7 Cole Walters W 123-122

Week 16 - #5 Alec Swanson W 106-85

Launders Money With The WRPD (Alec Swanson) 6th, 6-8

Week 1 - Cole Walters L 81-98

Week 2 - Scott Aschebrook L 68-83

Week 3 - Andy Todd L 116-125

Week 4 - Ryan Dougherty W 136-126

Week 5 - Tyler Sneen W 106-91

Week 6 - Darrin Aschebrook W 96-64

Week 7 - Nick Zurawski W 138-116

Week 8 - Cole Walters L 102-122

Week 9 - Scott Aschebrook L 116-135

Week 10 - Andy Todd L 103-128

Week 11 - Ryan Dougherty W 170-127

Week 12 - Tyler Sneen L 124-161

Week 13 - Darrin Aschebrook W 131-121

Week 14 - Nick Zurawski L 140-149

Week 15 - #8 Darrin Aschebrook W 117.38 - 115.48 (Tiebreaker)

Week 16 - #6 Tyler Sneen L 85-106

The Engine That Could (Andy Todd) 2nd, 10-4

Week 1 - Scott Aschebrook W 129-114

Week 2 - Cole Walters W 123-113

Week 3 - Alec Swanson W 125-116

Week 4 - Nick Zurawski W 130-93

Week 5 - Ryan Dougherty W 126-97

Week 6 - Tyler Sneen L 60-114

Week 7 - Darrin Aschebrook W 110-84

Week 8 - Scott Aschebrook L 107-117

Week 9 - Cole Walters W 130-66

Week 10 - Alec Swanson W 128-103

Week 11 - Nick Zurawski L 74-186

Week 12 - Ryan Dougherty L 99-121

Week 13 - Tyler Sneen W 119-79

Week 14 - Darrin Aschebrook W 107-101

Week 15 - #4 Scott Aschebrook W 117-111

Week 16 - #3 Ryan Dougherty L 118-135

Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 8th, 4-9-1

Week 1 - Alec Swanson W 98-81

Week 2 - Andy Todd L 113-123

Week 3 - Scott Aschebrook L 85-146

Week 4 - Tyler Sneen W 123-89

Week 5 - Darrin Aschebrook W 151-133

Week 6 - Nick Zurawski T 134-134

Week 7 - Ryan Dougherty L 104-124

Week 8 - Alec Swanson W 122-102

Week 9 - Andy Todd L 66-130

Week 10 - Scott Aschebrook L 102-107

Week 11 - Tyler Sneen L 99-127

Week 12 - Darrin Aschebrook L 104-114

Week 13 - Nick Zurawski L 124-130

Week 14 - Ryan Dougherty L 121-151

Week 15 - #6 Tyler Sneen L 122-123

Week 16 - #8 Darrin Aschebrook L 89-109

Tremendous Big League (Nick Zurawski) 4th, 9-4-1

Week 1 - Darrin Aschebrook W 110-81

Week 2 - Tyler Sneen L 115-150

Week 3 - Ryan Dougherty L 82-149

Week 4 - Andy Todd L 93-130

Week 5 - Scott Aschebrook W 111-73

Week 6 - Cole Walters T 134-134

Week 7 - Alec Swanson L 116-138

Week 8 - Darrin Aschebrook W 162-117

Week 9 - Tyler Sneen W 94-74

Week 10 - Ryan Dougherty W 109-108

Week 11 - Andy Todd W 186-74

Week 12 - Scott Aschebrook W 113-107

Week 13 - Cole Walters W 130-124

Week 14 - Alec Swanson W 149-140

Week 15 - #3 Ryan Dougherty L 106-161

Week 16 - #4 Scott Aschebrook L 10-17

Player Scoring By Team

Key: * = Scored for another team as well.

Team ChowHounds

QB - Cam Newton 168 

QB - Aaron Rodgers 103

QB - Case Keenum 17

RB - Alvin Kamara 225

RB - Leonard Fournette 203

RB - C.J. Anderson 91

RB - Chris Thompson 56

RB - James White 47

RB - Alfred Morris 42

RB - Javorius Allen 19*

RB - David Johnson 12

WR - Adam Thielen 178

WR - Emmanuel Sanders 87

WR - Jamison Crowder 45

WR - Danny Amendola 28

WR - Nelson Agholor 24

WR - Ted Ginn Jr. 15

WR - Mike Wallace 1

TE - Jason Witten 77 

TE - Greg Olsen 5

TE - Jared Cook 4*
PK - Matt Prater 66*

PK - Matt Bryant 45*

PK - Greg Zuerlein 31*

DF - Kansas City Chiefs 50

DF - Los Angeles Rams 22*

DF - Arizona Cardinals 14*

DF - Oakland Raiders 13

DF - New York Giants -2

Scott Bless Scott Damn

QB - Ben Roethlisberger 126

QB - Alex Smith 99
QB - Jameis Winston 18*

QB - Philip Rivers 10*

RB - Christian McCaffrey 183

RB - Ezekiel Elliott 164

RB - Carlos Hyde 106

RB - Jerick McKinnon 45

RB - Doug Martin 20

WR - Doug Baldwin 147 

WR - Larry Fitzgerald 146

WR - Jordy Nelson 95

WR - Devin Funchess 22

WR - Kelvin Benjamin 15

WR - Randall Cobb 6*

WR - Sammy Watkins 2

TE - Rob Gronkowski 204

TE - Jack Doyle 24*

PK - Jake Elliott 53*
PK - Harrison Butker 47*

PK - Brandon McManus 20

PK - Justin Tucker 17*

DF - Carolina Panthers 58

DF - Houston Texans 31*

DF - Denver Broncos 13*

DF - Seattle Seahawks 13*

DF - Philadelphia Eagles 9*

2017 Champions Team Easy Breesy

QB - Drew Brees 149

QB - Carson Wentz 127

QB - Marcus Mariota 18*

RB - Todd Gurley 332

RB - LeSean McCoy 247

RB - Dalvin Cook 27

RB - LeGarrette Blount 19

WR - Keenan Allen 222

WR - Mike Evans 147

WR - Stefon Diggs 103

WR - Golden Tate 99

WR - Marvin Jones Jr. 70

WR - JuJu Smith-Schuster 28

WR - Randall Cobb 21*

WR - Rishard Matthews 7

WR - John Brown 1

TE - Hunter Henry 68

TE - Charles Clay 28

TE - Jack Doyle 22*

TE - Vernon Davis 13*

PK - Wil Lutz 136

PK - Justin Tucker 13*

PK - Robbie Gould 8*

DF - Baltimore Ravens 98*

DF - Denver Broncos 43*

DF - Los Angeles Chargers 21*

DF - Arizona Cardinals 12*

DF - New Orleans Saints 6*

SNEEN Machine

QB - Tom Brady 270

QB - Kirk Cousins 7

RB - Devonta Freeman 164

RB - Ty Montgomery 74

RB - Latavius Murray 72

RB - Tevin Coleman 51

RB - Frank Gore 30*

RB - Danny Woodhead 16

WR - Julio Jones 231

WR - Demaryius Thomas 181

WR - Pierre Garcon 46

WR - Marqise Lee 41

WR - Martavis Bryant 34

WR - Eric Decker 7

WR - Marquise Goodwin 6

TE - Zach Ertz 144

TE - Jordan Reed 18

TE - Vernon Davis 16*

PK - Stephen Gostkowski 152

PK - Ryan Succop 12*

DF - Minnesota Vikings 110

DF - Detroit Lions 25*

Launders Money With The WRPD

QB - Russell Wilson 312

QB - Mitchell Trubisky 9

RB - Le'Veon Bell 325

RB - Jordan Howard 155

RB - Matt Forte' 24

RB - Tarik Cohen 13

RB - Alex Collins 5

WR - Tyreek Hill 208 

WR - Brandin Cooks 159

WR - Dez Bryant 142

WR - DeVante Parker 57

WR - Terrelle Pryor 22

TE - Delanie Walker 100

TE - Kyle Rudolph 25

TE - Cameron Brate 23

TE - Tyler Eifert 1

PK - Matt Bryant 94*

PK - Dan Bailey 40*

PK - Robbie Gould 10*

DF - Seattle Seahawks 74*
DF - Los Angeles Chargers 24*

DF - Pittsburgh Steelers 21*

DF - Atlanta Falcons 10*

DF - Dallas Cowboys 7*

DF - Detroit Lions 2*

The Engine That Could

QB - Dak Prescott 236

QB - Philip Rivers 14*

RB - Kareem Hunt 264

RB - Joe Mixon 95

RB - Ameer Abdullah 53

RB - Duke Johnson Jr. 45

RB - Samaje Perine 40

RB - Dion Lewis 31*

RB - Frank Gore 22*

RB - Isaiah Crowell 13*

RB - Rex Burkhead 8

RB - Paul Perkins 3

WR - Michael Thomas 236

WR - Chris Hogan 81

WR - Odell Beckham Jr. 71

WR - Sterling Shepard 57

WR - Mohamed Sanu 16

WR - T.Y. Hilton 8

WR - Corey Davis 7

TE - Travis Kelce 226

TE - Tyler Kroft 1

PK - Greg Zuerlein 84*

PK - Giorgio Tavecchio 27*

PK - Kai Forbath 16*

PK - Jake Elliott 7*

PK - Chris Boswell 3*

PK - Dan Bailey 2*

DF - Los Angeles Rams 74*

DF - Philadelphia Eagles 24*

DF - New England Patriots 17*

DF - Pittsburgh Steelers 9*

DF - Buffalo Bills 4*

Colieveland 96ers

QB - Matt Ryan 96

QB - DeShaun Watson 91

QB - Matthew Stafford 27*

QB - Andy Dalton 18

QB - Jared Goff 9

QB - Brett Hundley 7

QB - Jameis Winston 2*

RB - Melvin Gordon 255

RB - Lamar Miller 156

RB - Chris Ivory 8

RB - Jamaal Williams 8

RB - Bilal Powell 6*

RB - Isaiah Crowell 5*

RB - Aaron Jones 5

WR - A.J. Green 217

WR - Jarvis Landry 211

WR - Davante Adams 131

WR - Amari Cooper 54

WR - DeSean Jackson 27

TE - Evan Engram 105

TE - Martellus Bennett 37

TE - Jared Cook 9*

TE - Eric Ebron 2
PK - Justin Tucker 82*
PK - Matt Prater 53*
PK - Ryan Succop 14*
PK - Kai Forbath 4*
DF - Cincinnati Bengals 24
DF - Pittsburgh Steelers 24*
DF - Tennessee Titans 21
DF - Chicago Bears 13*
DF - Houston Texans 12*
DF - New Orleans Saints 7*
DF - Washington 5
DF - Baltimore Ravens -6*

Tremendous Big League
QB - Derek Carr 66
QB - Matthew Stafford 64* 
QB - Tyrod Taylor 50
QB - Philip Rivers 27*
QB - Marcus Mariota 7*
RB - Mark Ingram 209
RB - Jay Ajayi 57
RB - Marshawn Lynch 42
RB - DeMarco Murray 41
RB - Dion Lewis 32*
RB - Adrian Peterson 21
RB - Javorius Allen 17*
RB - Bilal Powell 2*
WR - Antonio Brown 305
WR - DeAndre Hopkins 287
WR - Michael Crabtree 106
WR - Alshon Jeffery 20
TE - Jimmy Graham 130
TE - Austin Seferian-Jenkins 16
PK - Chris Boswell 80*
PK - Harrison Butker 21*
PK - Mason Crosby 19
PK - Adam Vinatieri 17
DF - Jacksonville Jaguars 102
DF - Philadelphia Eagles 31*
DF - Arizona Cardinals 11*
DF - Buffalo Bills 10*
DF - Miami Dolphins 4*
DF - Chicago Bears 3*
DF - San Francisco 49ers 3*

All-Time Scoring Leaders By Position (2015-17)
Key = Player Name, Point Total (Owner during highest scoring season)

Quarterbacks

1. Tom Brady 713 (Andy)
2. Aaron Rodgers 708 (Darrin)
3. Cam Newton 582 (Josh)
4. Drew Brees 532 (Sneen)
5. Ben Roethlisberger 410 (Scott)
6. Matt Ryan 384 (Scott)
7. Russell Wilson 380 (Alex)
8. Philip Rivers 371 (Moon)
9. Carson Palmer 317 (Scott)
10. Andrew Luck 256 (Nick)

Running Backs

1. Le'Veon Bell 738 (Alec)
2. LeSean McCoy 687 (Darrin)
3. Devonta Freeman 674 (Darrin)
4. Todd Gurley 652 (Ryan)
5. Lamar Miller 548 (Scott)
6. David Johnson 505 (Nick)
7. Melvin Gordon 494 (Cole)
8. Mark Ingram 489 (Nick)
9. DeMarco Murray 427 (Scott)
10. Ezekiel Elliott 347 (Scott)

Wide Receivers

1. Antonio Brown 947 (Sneen)
2. Julio Jones 807 (Andy)
3. DeAndre Hopkins 749 (Nick)
4. Odell Beckham Jr. 653 (Cole)
5. A.J. Green 643 (Alec)
6. Demaryius Thomas 610 (Moon)
7. Jarvis Landry 595 (Nick)
8. Mike Evans 588 (Scott)
9. Larry Fitzgerald 576 (Darrin)
10. Brandin Cooks 534 (Cole)

Tight Ends

1. Travis Kelce 581 (Andy)
2. Rob Gronkowski 543 (Nick)
3. Delanie Walker 490 (Andy)
4. Greg Olsen 384 (Darrin)
5. Jimmy Graham 351 (Nick)
6. Jason Witten 289 (Josh)
7. Jordan Reed 256 (Sneen)
8. Tyler Eifert 218 (Alec)
9. Martellus Bennett 201 (Sneen)
10. Zach Ertz 201 (Sneen)

Kickers

1. Stephen Gostkowski 446 (Scott)
2. Justin Tucker 408 (Sneen)
3. Matt Bryant 309 (Cole)
4. Mason Crosby 238 (Darrin)
5. Brandon McManus 209 (Alec)
6. Matt Prater 209 (Cole)
7. Wil Lutz 208 (Ryan)
8. Stephen Hauschka 171 (Josh)
9. Dan Bailey 163 (Andy)
10. Adam Vinatieri 136 (Nick)

Defenses

1. Denver Broncos 364
2. Carolina Panthers 312
3. Seattle Seahawks 262
4. Minnesota Vikings 258
5. Arizona Cardinals 207
6. Los Angeles Rams 191
7. New England Patriots 176
8. Houston Texans 172
9. Baltimore Ravens 170
10. Philadelphia Eagles 128 ....    32. Cleveland Browns -3

Heroes of the Week
1 - RB Kareem Hunt, WR Antonio Brown, DF Los Angeles Rams
2 - WR Michael Crabtree, QB Tom Brady, RB C.J. Anderson
3 - RB Todd Gurley, WR Stefon Diggs, QB Tom Brady
4 - RB Le'Veon Bell, QB DeShaun Watson, RB Ezekiel Elliott
5 - QB DeShaun Watson, RB Melvin Gordon, RB Leonard Fournette
6 - RB Melvin Gordon, RB Mark Ingram, WR Antonio Brown
7 - RB Ezekiel Elliott, QB Dak Prescott, RB LeSean McCoy
8 - WR DeAndre Hopkins, QB Russell Wilson, RB LeSean McCoy
9 - RB Alvin Kamara, WR Marvin Jones, QB Dak Prescott
10 - QB Cam Newton, RB Mark Ingram, WR Adam Thielen
11 - WR Antonio Brown, WR Keenan Allen, QB Russell Wilson
12 - WR Julio Jones, WR Antonio Brown, RB Alvin Kamara
13 - WR Tyreek Hill, RB Alvin Kamara, RB Le'Veon Bell
14 - RB Le'Veon Bell, WR DeAndre Hopkins, WR Antonio Brown
15 - RB Todd Gurley, RB Kareem Hunt, RB Mark Ingram
16 - RB Todd Gurley, RB Dion Lewis, RB C.J. Anderson

AP Photo/Keith Srakocic
2016 WRBL MVP Antonio Brown was a Hero of the Week five times as his hands continue to be the most reliable in the game.

Zeros of the Week

1 - NONE

2 - RB Jordan Howard

3 - DF Seattle Seahawks, DF Baltimore Ravens

4 - NONE

5 - TE Evan Engram, DF New England Patriots, Owner Tyler Sneen

6 - TE Coby Fleener

7 - NONE

8 - NONE

9 - DF Cincinnati Bengals, DF Kansas City Chiefs, Owner Tyler Sneen

10 - DF New York Giants, Owner Tyler Sneen

11 - DF Los Angeles Rams, QB Dak Prescott, DF New Orleans Saints

12 - WR Michael Crabtree, TE Vernon Davis

13 - NONE

14 - TE Jimmy Graham, DF Seattle Seahawks, Owner Tyler Sneen

15 - NONE

16 - Owner Cole Walters

AP Photo/Matt Dunham
The Ravens' awful -6 point showing in week 3 on defense is the WRBL record for worst scoring performance by anyone ever in a week.

End-of-season Awards

First Team All-Bro

QB - Russell Wilson (Alec Swanson)

RB - Todd Gurley (Ryan Dougherty)

RB - Le'Veon Bell (Alec Swanson)
WR - Antonio Brown (Nick Zurawski)

WR - DeAndre Hopkins (Nick Zurawski)

TE - Travis Kelce (Andy Todd)

FLEX - Kareem Hunt* (Andy Todd)

K - Stephen Gostkowski (Tyler Sneen)

D/ST - Minnesota Vikings (Tyler Sneen)

Second Team All-Bro

QB - Tom Brady (Tyler Sneen)

RB - Melvin Gordon (Cole Walters)

RB - LeSean McCoy (Ryan Dougherty)

WR - Michael Thomas (Andy Todd)

WR - Julio Jones (Tyler Sneen)

TE - Rob Gronkowski (Scott Aschebrook)

FLEX - Alvin Kamara* (Darrin Aschebrook)

K - Matt Bryant (Darrin Aschebrook/Alec Swanson)

D/ST - Jacksonville Jaguars (Nick Zurawski)

* = rookie.

Voted on by the people

WRBL Rookie of the Year - RB Alvin Kamara (Darrin Aschebrook)

Kareem Hunt had the consistency but, Kamara's late season push helped The ChowHounds avoid losing the MoonBak Bowl and an all-time dismal season performance.

WRBL Draft Bust of the Year - #1 overall pick RB David Johnson (Darrin Aschebrook)

Can a player be considered a draft bust for getting injured? "Yes" apparently, according to our league.

The Waiver Wonder of the Year - RB Alvin Kamara (Darrin Aschebrook)

Instead of trophies, we gave Alvin Kamara Airheads for his award winnings this season.

WRBL Comeback Player of the Year - RB Todd Gurley (Ryan Dougherty)

After an average season for the 2016 #1 draft pick, Gurley lead the WRBL with 332 points.

Zero of the Year - Cleveland Browns Head Coach Hue Jackson

Hue Jackson has learned that an 0-16 season will have him join infamous Zero of the Year company like Josh Tiffany and the Aschebrook family driveway.

MVP (Chosen by the league champion) - RB Todd Gurley (Ryan Dougherty)

Todd Gurley brought back memories of Sean Alexander, Priest Holmes and even Ladanian Tomlinson with his 19 touchdowns last season. It's no wonder that Team Easy Breesy was the force that it was.

The Shelby Trophy... Now with plaques!

"I say we take a stand and ban every player accused of domestic abuse right now" - Scott Aschebrook, owner of Ben Roethlisberger, Jameis Winston and Ezekiel Elliott.

Instant First-Listen Reactions, Track-By-Track: Drake's "Scorpion"

Drake is not my favorite rapper by any measure of my musical favoritism but, it's easy to recognize when a song of his is a genuine bop ("Hotline Bling") and that the man has the potential to release an Album of the Year at some point (see: If You're Reading This, It's Too Late and Take Care as his closest examples). The problem is that Aubrey Graham throws so much damn music at us constantly that he cannot control his own desire to one day own every Billboard countdown record known to mankind. He is popular enough that he could release a 50-track album and chart every song. The recent Pusha T dis track "The Story of Adidon", about Drake's secret son that he allegedly rarely acknowledges in his day-to-day life, has scorched the hip-hop universe and left Drake as an easy target for criticism at the moment and his response??? Releasing another bloated 25-track album after 2 hot singles and 1 dud sent mixed signals on just what we, the listeners were in for. So far, the reviews are brutally similar to 2016's Views and DEAR GOD PLEASE NO DON'T BE ANOTHER VIEWS. I've taken five days to even set up a time period to listen to this whole project and I'm ready for whatever it brings in another instant track-by-track review of every song on Drake's latest album, Scorpion.

As much as I appreciate Drake's self-awareness here, simply addressing the criticism you receive does not absolve from future critics.

A Side
1. "Survival" - "My Mt. Rushmore is me with four different expressions" = MEME GOLD. Generic as fuck boasts set over trap drums and a video game sound effect make for a memorable yet not great intro that's only a smidgen above two minutes. Congrats to 40 on making something out of nothing here.
2. "Nonstop" - This bass is pretty abrupt and awesome. Drake seems to have a problem with consistently jacking other rappers' deliveries and this is clearly his 21 Savage song. It is reminiscent of 21's flow on Post Malone's "Rockstar" early on and Drake does this weird thing where he quiets his own voice for ad-lib purposes and it's a nice change to the usual recipe of a Drake song but, this is still not that interesting of a song after the first minute and a half.
3. "Elevate" - Some angelic choir is used behind more trap beats skittering about repetitively. The choir of the beat and the piano make for what should be a more emotional IYRTITL-caliber track and instead, it's just more Drake bragging about Drake, which would be fine if he had anything interesting to say.
4. "Emotionless" - A 27-year old Mariah Carey sample? Yes please. The bass is back. Drake knows a lot of girls and this is easily the best song so far as he tells different stories of different women's struggles amidst the most conscious lyricism of the early-going here. This feels like the single "Nice For What"'s slightly less attractive twin.
5. "God's Plan" - We've all heard this. It's a genuinely catchy af hit but, it's also a mediocre song as a whole in my opinion. If the "My bed/Mahbed and my momma" line is actually confirmed to be as well thought out as conspiracy Drake theorists would have one believe then, I'm all in on this song. Until we find out Adidon's middle name, I'm not convinced. I always thought "Diplomatic Immunity" was the better of the two songs off his Scary Hours release earlier this year.
6. "I'm Upset" - It's 3 AM and I nearly dozed off to the third single from this album. That is not a good sign.
7. "8 out of 10" - This song is a return to form with a luxurious beat very present. "I've settled into the role of the good guy" is the line that describes part of why the internet is turning against Drake right now and Drake still can't shut up about Drake (it's okay to branch out and I know he can do better so, why isn't he yet?)
8. "Mob Ties" - I can't take this song title seriously when its Drake (WHAT MOB is letting Drake in?). Nothing really separates this song from the rest of Side A so far and my attention is seriously fading.
9. "Can't Take A Joke" - Again, I nearly doze off (probably did for a minute-ish.
10. "Sandra's Rose" - DJ Premier did an excellent job making a perfect album closer to bookend the braggadocio of the opener, "Survival". I'm glad the energy of this album has been revived after "I'm Upset" really derailed what would have been an okay disc and the next three songs did absolutely nothing for me.
11. "Talk Up (ft. Jay Z)"- 44-year old Jay Z brings some of the liveliest rapping thus far and I am just sad that this is the reality of where my grade for this album is headed.
12. "Is There More" - This warbled trap beat is unlistenable and for some reason Drake is suddenly giving macho vibes that are completely anti-Drake? "I'd rather lose my leg than lose your respect" is pretty random and man, this is just not good in any way. The only good part is the usage of Aaliyah's "More Than A Woman", where the late singer's best hit is slightly altered and no Drake is anywhere to be found at the very end. Disc A is a failure.

Disc A = F.

NOTE: I TOOK A BREAK BETWEEN DISC A AND B, SAVING B FOR THE FOLLOWING MORNING BECAUSE DISC A WAS ENOUGH OF A STRUGGLE BETWEEN CONSCIOUSNESS AND DULL AS EVER DRAKE, THAT I NEEDED A BREAK.

B Side
1. "Peak" - This is a chill as hell intro and I am into it. It's giving dark vibes that I am ready to explore but, even disc A had a promising beginning, only to fall into Views territory.
2. "Summer Games" - Noah "40" Shebib really brings out the best in Drake's music. This song is perfect 2018 #SadBoi music. I'm really enjoying the start of the B Side. This is a genuinely solid R&B song despite Drake's continuously monotone vocals. There is subtle crowd noise in the background as if this song were a sporting event and I appreciate that the mix is keeping that specific sample to a low volume because it could have easily taken over the track and tainted it's smoothness.
3. "Jaded" - Ty Dolla $ign ad-libs are the biggest trend of Summer 2018 and honestly, when an artist puts his work in at the rate Ty Dolla $ign does, it's about time he gets some more recognition. I am here for the summer of Dolla $ign. I'm okay with mellow Drake but, he's keeping it too mellow and monotone on many tracks so far, this one included. You can't just throw a song this forgettable three tracks into a disc.
4. "Nice For What" - We've all heard this one. It's one of Drake's 3 best songs ever. The Lauryn Hill sample is exquisite, the video is awesome, the lyrics are #WokeDrake. It's a major bop.
5. "Finesse" - Drake instructs the listener to "Turn everything up", only it's a piano beat and here come's more monotone #SadBoi delivery. His delivery on the word "Finesse" is uniquely annoying. This song is perfectly inoffensive. It should not be anybody's favorite or least favorite of the 25 tracks. At this point, I'm wondering why the fuck this is a double album? He should have at least separated the music somehow instead of scattering bops, snoozers, rap and R&B all over the damn place. There aren't any good transitions.
6. "Ratchet Happy Birthday" - For instance, this transition from track #5 to "Ratchet Happy Birthday" is also abrupt. Drake finally digs into the obvious autotune and something that would usually seem lazier is actually a welcome surprise at this point. This song is the strangest one so far with it's lack of direction and random "Birrrrrrrrrrrrrrthday" adlib.
7. "That's How You Feel" - I'm okay with this song and Nicki Minaj just popped up and turned the energy up with a sample from a live performance of hers (unless that was just a fake audience). Nicki Minaj rapping over Drake beats would make for one hell of an interesting album. Drake rapping over Drake beats... is stale.
8. "Blue Tint" - Future ad libs and background vocals 20 tracks in. Amazing that we haven't heard him until this point after these two released a tandem album three years ago. This track is perfectly fine with how quick it is. Drake needs to cut down on his albums or songs at the very least going forward. This works as a sub-three minute song.
9. "In My Feelings" - I see he's still really into the bounce scene as this song has a Magnolia Shorty sample on it. I can't detect where the sample from the FX show Atlanta is but, it's nice to know that Drake saw the episode and oh shit, there it is! Lol. This song is alright.
10. "Don't Matter To Me (ft. Michael Jackson)" - Again, 40 brings out the best in Drake. His production just has so much more life to it than anything else on this album. Even this middling beat that has no explosion to it feels so much more vibrant than anything else. I don't know, maybe Michael Jackson just adds enough to this song that it immediately covers up an otherwise mediocre song. Personally, my ears are loving this song and the Drake that lets other legendary artists shine on his songs is the best Drake because absolutely none of the best parts about this album involve the artist himself.
11. "After Dark (ft. Static Major & Ty Dolla $ign)" - Again, we have a Maxwell sample over a 40 beat and it's exquisite. The song as a whole? just typical generic lyrics from #SadBoi Drake over retro chill production.
12. "Final Fantasy" - There is a beat switch mid song, thank god. Nope, more of the same. Carry on. This is chill but this track is an unnecessary addition to a woefully over-hyped and over-packed album. In case you couldn't tell yet, this is not getting a good grade.
13. "March 14" - Something a bit more upbeat? It's about damn time. Oh, and he's finally addressing his personal life outside of vague lyrics about some girl and her sister and her family and zzzzzz... Drake does know how to make an album closer that always leaves the listener wanting more, I just don't see how he has anything left after a 25-track project with 5 good songs on it.

Disc B = D+

If you're only hitting on 25% of your songs, you're losing. Pusha T has more good songs on Daytona,than Drake has on Scorpion. I'm not shocked but, I am disappointed. This album will be a hit with kids 16 and under that have grown up listening to Drake, take everything he does as the best thing right now and will use lyrics I slept through as Instagram captions but overall, this is a dud. I only love If You're Reading This It's Too Late and More Life, I'm sorry.

Overall Grade for Scorpion: D-

2018 NBA Mock Draft: There's Ayton To Like In This Class

#1. Phoenix Suns - C DeAndre Ayton (Arizona)

Stan Liu/Arizona Athletics

Despite a decade in the lottery, the Phoenix Suns have only managed to land one star player in Devin Booker. It's surprising how none of the rumors floating about right now have Luka Doncic reuniting here with his Slovenian head coach (now the Suns head coach), Igor Kokoskov. Now, for the first time in franchise history, they have the best odds at landing a second star with the first overall selection. DeAndre Ayton is one of the least flashy #1 picks of the decade (outside of Anthony Bennett) as centers just aren't as prevalent as they were even five years ago. He'll fall somewhere between Dwight Howard (fantastic defender at his peak but, not necessarily a big winner) and Emeka Okafor (Fine but, not worth a top-3 pick) and frankly, Phoenix would take either result at this point.

#2. Sacramento Kings - SG Luka Doncic (Slovenia)

KZS

Doncic is the prospect with the highest potential to do it all and take over a game in this draft. His only glaring weakness coming into the draft from Slovenia is his inconsistent defense but, you know who else has inconsistent defense? Lebron James. Steph Curry. James Harden. Sure, "Defense wins championships" but, teams need one hell of a good offense to win in the NBA and with De'Aaron Fox, Buddy Hield and Doncic, the Kings would finally have a quality offense. Doncic would immediately be the face of Sacramento basketball and I see the team caving into the hype despite GM Vlade Divac's rumored disinterest in said prospect.

#3. Atlanta Hawks - PF Marvin Bagley III (Duke)

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Marvin Bagley never struck me as this amazing prospect at Duke but, he continued to produce numbers every game and has succeeded at every level so, he is not just some fluke talent that will fail at the next level. The Hawks will not shy away from drafting anybody at all due to position because they are without a #1 player at the moment with Dennis Schroder on the trading block. Bagley's one big skill is rebounding and scoring in the paint is his forte offensively. The Hawks could use a freak athlete to play along with budding defensive leader Taurean Prince and Bagley would be a nice test case for new head coach Lloyd Pierce.

#4. Memphis Grizzlies - SF Michael Porter Jr. (Missouri)

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At this time last year, Michael Porter Jr. was the most hyped prospect coming out of high school. A lingering back injury and two college basketball games later and the nation's former #1 prospect has lost some of his luster. Porter could be the make-or-break selection for the future of Memphis basketball with Seattle's basketball vacancy lingering. Porter is much like Marvin Bagley in his scoring abilities but, Bagley is still the far more trustworthy and consistent scorer. Of course, Porter is one of the most difficult players to evaluate because we don't really have any comparable prospects in this batch of players for his short college career. He could be the best player in the draft, as was the prevailing thought a year ago, or he could be THE bust of the draft with his potential for injury seemingly higher than any other first round pick. Either way, the Grizzlies just recently started playing terribly so, they can afford to take a risky pick here, it just might cost Memphis their team if the losing becomes a habit.

#5. Dallas Mavericks - C Mohamed Bamba (Texas)

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The Dallas Mavericks are without an identity right now and have been throughout the Dirk Nowitzki multi-season farewell tour. Their biggest weakness is that they don't play any defense with a 40-year old on the court and their refusal to give Nerlens Noel any minutes last season. Dennis Smith Jr. at point guard is an exciting building piece to a grander future for Mark Cuban's team but, they still need another guard (Wes Matthews and Seth Curry are not the long-term answers) and with no shooting guards remaining worthy of a top-five pick they are left to either deal this pick in a trade or focus on defense. Mohamed Bamba is a poor man's DeAndre Jordan, a player the Mavs targeted in free agency two years ago.

#6. Orlando Magic - PG Trae Young (Oklahoma)

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Orlando needs some star power and excitement that only Aaron Gordon has been able to show flashes of lately. Elfrid Payton was occasionally fun but more than anything, a disappointment, Jonathan Isaac is not very fun to watch yet and what even is a Mario Hezonja? The Magic suck and Trae Young might just suck also but, at least his attempts at becoming the next Stephen Curry will be fun to watch either way with a high ceiling.

#7. Chicago Bulls - SF Mikal Bridges (Villanova)

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Much like his Spartan brother (but not really) Miles (his name to be announced later in the lottery), Mikal Bridges can do a little bit of everything except, this Bridge has already crossed championship waters. The Bulls need a kid who knows how to win on their team other than Ryan Arcidiacono's one college championship, also with Villanova. This team is tanking well in that Bridges won't necessarily end the tank right away but, he is the best player available and there would be no position battles to speak of in Chicago, no matter who they take here.

#8. Cleveland Cavaliers - PG Collin Sexton (Alabama)

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The Cavaliers went from being ridiculously old to being inexperienced and inconsistent once the playoff races fully kicked in. Their biggest weakness? Point Guard by far. Jordan Clarkson put on one of the worst Finals performances EVER and George Hill missed a key free throw in game one that prevented his team from taking a game away from the Warriors. This team needs an explosive point guard that can score whether Lebron James is in the team's future plans or not. Sexton is nowhere near the shooter Kyrie Irving was for this team but, he is an aggressive basketball player like Irving and that is something the team severely lacks outside of James right now. If Lebron does leave, I would put good money on Sexton being the rookie of the year because Kevin Love would likely be dealt once GM Koby Altman realizes he has to blow this team up as they are probably in the lottery with just Love, Tristan Thompson, Larry Nance Jr. and whoever they land at #8 here.

#9. New York Knicks - PF Jaren Jackson Jr. (Michigan State)

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At 18 years old, Jackson Jr. is still one of the most polished bigs in this draft class and putting him alongside Kristaps Porzingis (who would be the full-time center in this scenario) is a Knicks fan's dream. Honestly, it would be surprising to see the dominos to fall exactly like this as Jackson Jr. is a top-five prospect on most team's boards but, some players get overrated on random team's draft boards every year. Every non-playoff NBA team could use some defense and Jackson Jr. is more than ready to take his defensive game to the next level after winning Big Ten Defensive Player of the Year honors during his one collegiate season. He's not a clone of Draymond Green or anything but, he's certainly worth the price of trading up in the draft if the Knicks or any other team feels passionate enough for one of this year's youngest prospects.

#10. Philadelphia 76ers - SF Miles Bridges (Michigan State)

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Much like Ben Simmons, there isn't much that Miles Bridges cannot do but, Bridges CAN actually shoot. The things Bridges struggles with are fundamental skills that can be improved with the right teacher to keep him in line (and Brett Brown has done a hell of a job for Philadelphia). Bridges is not the most overpowering court presence but, this is already a team with Joel Embiid and Simmons so, they don't exactly need the most aggressive pickup this year as much as they need another high-potential player that can slot in well as a role player early. If they do trade Robert Covington, it's likely they are getting a star forward in return and Covington is not the only player leaving. If not, Bridges could be an opening night starter and look like it as well.

#11. Charlotte Hornets - PF Wendell Carter Jr. (Duke)

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Trading Dwight Howard to the Brooklyn Nets has opened the door for another big man to enter the Hornets' lineup ASAP and luckily for new GM Mitch Kupchak, one more lottery-worthy big man remains on the draft board. A team consistently stuck behind 12 or more NBA teams in terms of wins, Charlotte doesn't seem too eager to switch up their formula and Carter Jr. has a similar skillset to that of Dwight Howard. Teams with Michael Jordan in charge tend to be the least predictable at this event though so, even with Carter being a safe fit, they really could do anything (including package Kemba Walker into a deal for a top-five pick).

#12. Los Angeles Clippers - PG Jerome Robinson (Boston College)

Rich Graessle/Icon Sportswire

(See under Pick #13)

#13. Los Angeles Clippers - SF Kevin Knox (Kentucky)

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Thanks to dealing Blake Griffin to Detroit, the Clippers ended up with back-to-back draft picks as neither team could do enough to avoid being one of teams bubbling under playoff contention. With their Pistons' pick, I see the Clippers taking a chance on a lesser-known high-scorer in Boston College's Jerome Robinson. The Clips will then pray that he turns into Damian Lillard because, their leading scorer in the 2017-18 season was Sixth Man Lou Williams. At #13, they'll take the top player on the board in Kentucky's Kevin Knox. Knox is an 18 year old project with a high ceiling. Knox struggles defensively at times but, makes up for it by frequently finding a way to land an open shot by staying active on his feet on offense.

#14. Denver Nuggets - SG Lonnie Walker (Miami)

Sports Illustrated

With the final lottery selection, the Nuggets will add more guard depth as they look to replace Emmanuel Mudiay's minutes with someone younger than Devin Harris. It should be some time before we see Walker really get acclimated to the style of an NBA game and there will be some embarrassing turnovers and poor shot selection along the way but, Walker could be a reliable sixth-man down the road with his shooting upside and ability to guard either the fastest guard on the court or the shooters maneuvering for space.

#15. Washington Wizards - SG Shai Gilgeous-Alexander (Kentucky)

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Shai Gilgeous-Alexander has seen his stock rise at the last minute (this happens to at least one player per year) and there is even a rumor that the Toronto Raptors are trying to trade back into this year's first round to acquire the shooting guard. I foresee the Wizards' need for a backup guard that's actually worth a damn overshadowing all other teams' desires for a new guard.

#16. Phoenix Suns - PG Aaron Holiday (UCLA)

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Who knew there were still siblings from the Holiday family to be drafted? (Jrue went 17th in 2009 and Justin was an undrafted free agent in 2011 but, still plays for the Bulls in 2018). Aaron was the star for the UCLA Bruins and that used to be a huge selling point for NBA teams but, not anymore with the Bruins' struggles as of the mid-2010s. Holiday would be a nice player to use while Brandon Knight gets eased back in from a torn ACL that caused him to miss all of last season. If they don't take a guard here, it's possible that this team is keeping Elfrid Payton after he showed some flashes of good basketball late in the season.

#17. Milwaukee Bucks - SG Troy Brown Jr. (Oregon)

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A lengthy, defense-first player that could play a few positions? Sign the Bucks up. Brown's shooting motion is of great concern but, it did work for him in college. Ultimately, the Bucks need a real shooting guard that isn't Jason Terry coming off their bench and new coach Mike Budenholzer will immediately fall in love with this Duck potentially turning a Buck.

#18. San Antonio Spurs - SF Dzanan Musa (Bosnia and Herzegovina)

When there is a foreign prospect that does not have a ton of information available to even experts of the draft process, it's a safe bet that the Spurs are on the phone with that prospect on the daily. But for real, Rudy Gay declined his option and Kawhi Leonard has mentally checked out so, the need for a small forward is there and Musa can shoot like Danny Green. Unfortunately, he cannot defend like Danny Green so, he's more likely to fit coming off the bench in a Kyle Korver-type role.

#19. Atlanta Hawks - SG Josh Okogie (Georgia Tech)

AP

With John Collins and Marvin Bagley (Hypothetical #3 pick) already on board as the likely future bigs for this squad, I see the Hawks taking a guard with the 19th selection as they need guards that can score with Dennis Schroder likely being dealt sometime this offseason. Okogie will fill up a box score in ways that teams would love to end up finding this late in the first.

#20. Minnesota Timberwolves - PF Robert Williams (Texas A&M)

AP Photo/Kathy Willens

Easily the biggest surprise in my mock draft is how far Robert Williams slips here to the Timberwolves. Williams is being projected to go anywhere from #10 to #16 but, I'm hearing that his conditioning is a red flag and if there are any red flags coming out prior to the night of the draft, then it is a pretty big concern for multiple front offices. Minnesota just needs depth and a better coach (shots fired) so, Williams would be a welcome presence off the bench if they ever play him.

#21. Utah Jazz - C Mitchell Robinson (Western Kentucky)

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The surprises don't end at #20. Despite there being no big men worthy of a first round pick left after Robert Williams, the Jazz are so desperate to not have a repeat of their nearly season-killing 11-15 record without Rudy Gobert that they will do anything they can to keep the center position sturdy even if Gobert has to take some time off again. Mitchell Robinson never played a game at Western Kentucky after he decided to prepare for his NBA career instead. That sounds counter-intuitive but, they'll be abolishing the "One-and-Done" rule in the next five years probably and if a kid doesn't want to go to college for something he already has enough skill and recommendations for, then go ahead and live your dream, Mitchell Robinson. I just hope you enjoy Utah.

#22. Chicago Bulls - PG Elie Okobo (France)

The Bulls' Point Guard depth chart reads as follows...

1. Kris Dunn
2. Cameron Payne
3. Jerian Grant

That's three first-rounders with no real successes yet. Elie Okobo probably won't be good enough to start but, at least the 20-year old french guard already has a more consistent all-around game than any of the three Bulls listed above. Kris Dunn is still a former lottery pick and a work in progress but, this team could use an Elie Okobo.

#23. Indiana Pacers - SF Zhaire Smith (Texas Tech)

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As seen in the photo above, Zhaire Smith is as athletic as most of the lottery picks but, his game is nowhere near a finished product just yet. Smith would give the Pacers some needed depth at the forward position that will need some seasoning before he gets any real playing time, much like 2017's T.J. Leaf selection. He'll need to adjust to NBA defenses but, he can make an impact just by being one of the better high-energy guys involved in off-the-ball action.

#24. Portland Trail Blazers - PG Jalen Brunson (Villanova)

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Portland needs to make a move in order to get any further in the playoffs than a first-round sweep. Adding a proven winner and finally getting a quality backup for Damian Lillard seems like a natural next step for the Blazers and Jalen Brunson is a natural fit. With two NCAA championships and a National Player of the Year award, Brunson should get playing time immediately and from there, we'll see how he adjusts to the speed of the NBA (much like current Blazer Shabazz Napier).

#25. Los Angeles Lakers - PF Moritz Wagner (Michigan)

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In a little bit of a reach, I have the Lakers locking down a big that can shoot. If this team truly is the leader in the Lebron James sweepstakes, then they are going to need to improve their bench with players that can get open and hit from downtown. Wagner does not really have any NBA skills outside of his shooting but, Ryan Anderson has made a career out of that and after the first 15 picks, teams are really just throwing darts at their own personal favorites.

#26. Philadelphia 76ers - PG Jevon Carter (West Virginia)

WVU Sports/Dale Sparks

Philadelphia's only position that isn't crazy deep yet is at point guard and Jevon Carter is one of my favorite sleepers for immediate success in this class. Markelle Fultz should be better in year two and T.J. McConnell still has his moments but if either gets injured again, Carter should provide a solid immediate stopgap. Carter's defense-first game reminds me of Toronto's Delon Wright, only Carter's floor is higher.

#27. Boston Celtics - SG Kevin Huerter (Maryland)

Nick Wass/Associated Press

No team needs a deeper bench less than Boston but if they keep this pick, they'll looking at taking a shooter so that they can avoid a repeat of their game 7 woes against Cleveland this May. Huerter, much like Moritz Wagner, is exclusively a three-point shooter that needs to gain weight and some aggression in his drives before he can become an NBA regular.

#28. Golden State Warriors - PG Donte DiVincenzo (Villanova)

Eddie Pells/Associated Press

Quinn Cook surging into a real NBA player was a nice story in the later months of the NBA's regular season while Steph Curry nursed another ankle injury but, this team should still be looking for some emergency contacts with Curry and Shaun Livingston's injury histories. A nice strategy would be drafting a proven winner with streaky scoring ability that they can call up from the G-League at any time in Donte DiVincenzo. This team doesn't need a damn thing but, the Warriors won't pass up adding college's best sixth man to replace any of the veterans (like a Nick Young perhaps?) that they'll lose off the bench in the coming years.

#29. Brooklyn Nets - SF Rodions Kurucs (Latvia)

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Rodions Kurucs spent one extra year in Latvia to work on his game and bulk up and it has paid off. Brooklyn needs more enough complimentary talents before they finally get to use one of their own lottery picks next June. Kurucs isn't supposed to be more than just a role-playing forward with a nice shooting stroke but, that isn't stopping him from trying to be more. He's an interesting prospect with an unknown ceiling and this franchise can afford to take shots in the dark like this because there is little risk involved this late in the draft.

#30. Atlanta Hawks - PG De'Anthony Melton (USC)

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With their third and final first round pick, Atlanta will draft a point guard in case they do end up parting with Dennis Schroder. The only other point guard the Hawks roster is Isaiah Taylor, a glorified G-League player. De'Anthony Melton can't shoot but, will put his impact on the game in every other way before he'll hit a mid-range jumper. Atlanta's hypothetical big three going into next season should be Taurean Prince, Marvin Bagley and John Collins and Melton would be the perfect complimentary piece to all of them with good defense and smart passes.

2018 NBA Finals Preview: YUGGHCK

An overwhelming sense of malaise has fallen over the sports world thanks to the state of the NBA Finals. For the fourth consecutive year, the NBA season has come down to the Cavaliers (but really, Lebron James) and the Warriors facing off for the Larry O'Brien Championship Trophy once again. The inevitability of this year's finals match feels especially harsh compared to past seasons because outside forces have never been closer to interrupting these two dynasties as they were this season. Golden State has spent most of their playoff run intentionally sleepwalking through halves just so they can pull out their not-so-secret weapon in a now-healthy Steph Curry at the most important of moments (Game 7 @ Houston and likely, this Finals).

The Warriors' smooth moving, exciting offense of the past has been interrupted by Kevin Durant's score-first presence and their travels throughout the West have proved interesting if not entirely concerning. I mean... they haven't even swept anyone yet! With two gentlemanly sweeps of the Kawhi & Pop-less Spurs and the Rubio-less Jazz, Golden State was still the underdog (seeding-wise) as the Houston Rockets had a much more consistent regular season and held the home-court advantage. That advantage was not fully utilized however, as they fell in love with the three-point shot in a way the Rockets have done successfully many times before and missed 27 consecutive shots from downtown. Even with that ridiculous cold streak, it's still a mystery how differently this season could have been had Chris Paul not sat out game seven with an injured hamstring (game six was a lost cause). Once again, through luck and a ridiculous advantage in overall talent, the Warriors are the Western Conference representatives in the 2018 Finals.

The Cavaliers' ride has been just as weird with extra dramatics. The NBA's greatest player ever, Lebron James, finally managed to play all 82 games after the NBA modified it's schedules for fewer back-to-back nights of games and Cleveland needed every game from him or else they probably should have not had home-court advantage at any point this postseason due to how terrible their defense played all year long. Swapping out a bunch of washed-up defenders like Derrick Rose, Dwyane Wade, Jae Crowder and Isaiah Thomas for younger yet somewhat experienced guys like Jordan Clarkson, Rodney Hood and George Hill still left them with little to no defense. The Cavaliers' first round seven-game series over the Pacers showed just how far this team had to improve before they could become a championship-caliber roster. The Raptors, much like Drake, may have garnered all the recognition in the world on their ways to the top (#1 seed in the East) but, both have taken nothing but L's since as the Cavaliers swept them aside, getting Dwane Casey fired in the process. The Eastern Conference Finals sure was less of a mismatch than some (*coughs* me) predicted as the shorthanded Celtics lost one of the ugliest seven-game series' of this decade by putting up brick after brick in their loss to the suddenly defensive Cavs. Can the Cavs carry some of Lebron's load and play defense against one of the greatest lineups ever assembled? Let's look back at their previous three matches before I grab on prematurely to a conclusion.

2015 NBA Finals: Warriors in 6
The Warriors were fresh faced and fun as hell with Steph Curry and Klay Thompson making 200+ threes under new guidance in first-year head coach Steve Kerr. Lebron was in his first season back with the Cavaliers after a two-ring detour in Miami and was thirsty for his first championship in Cleveland. Kevin Love was already out with a separated shoulder so, things were not going to be easy, much like Lebron's runner-up finish in his first season in Miami. The Cavaliers lost in overtime in game one and the news only got worse from there as all-star point guard Kyrie Irving suffered a season-ending knee injury, thus making their big three (James-Kevin Love-Irving) a big one under first-year head coach David Blatt. Despite a supporting cast of misfits (Matthew Dellavedova, Shawn Marion, Timofey Mozgov, Iman Shumpert & J.R. Smith), the Cleveland Lebrons took a 2-1 series lead that was as hard to believe as it was easy to erase once Kerr made the adjustments to have Andre Iguodala play the most clutch basketball of his life, leading to a 4-2 Warriors victory. Iguodala won MVP despite not being one of the three best players on his own team (Yes, Curry and Thompson had their weaknesses but, Draymond Green was awesome here) and guarding the actual deserving series MVP in Lebron (35.8 points, 13.3 rebounds and 8.8 assists per game). Golden State was a feel-good story with their first rings in 40 years.

Entertainment value: C+

Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

2016 NBA Finals: Cavaliers in 7
Revenge is a story as old as time and what sweeter revenge than the type that creates the meme to end all basketball memes (or at least, it made the NBA the most meme-friendly league) in "Don't Let ____ distract you from the fact that the Warriors blew a 3-1 lead in the NBA Finals". Despite Golden State retaining their roster from the previous season and having reached even further heights during a record-breaking statistical season (Curry crushed the single-season 3-pointers made record and the team went an NBA record 73-9), Cleveland was more prepared than the previous season with a healthy big three (James-Irving-Love). This was especially weird considering they had replaced coach David Blatt after 1.5 seasons with former NBA player Tyronn Lue. After an early 2-1 lead, Golden State won game four despite Draymond Green losing his mind and hitting Lebron's groin. That one technical foul by Draymond Green ended up becoming one of the all-time NBA "What if?" moments. The Cavaliers turned things around after Green missed game five and Andrew Bogut suffered a series-ending injury. It wasn't all Draymond's fault as he had a career-best game seven with 32 points, 15 rebounds and 9 assists but, it was still all Green's fault because... what if he had played game five? Do the Warriors win in 5? Do they not need Kevin Durant then? Is KD a Celtic? Would either of these two teams be back this season? It's still unbelievable to think about. Lebron got his third and most important ring as Cleveland won their first sports championship in 52 years. Lebron is 3-for-3 in winning Finals MVPs in series' he's won.

Entertainment Value: A+

Gene J. Puskar/AP

2017 NBA Finals: Warriors in 5
"The Hardest Road" wasn't so difficult to maneuver after all. Kevin Durant joined a team that had won 73 games in the regular season and was one dick punch away from winning back-to-back championships and they somehow still managed to lose a game in Cleveland during this series. It actually took Cleveland an 86-point half of basketball in game four in order to avoid a sweep and that was when they still had Kyrie Irving (who dropped 40 in game four). Durant certainly earned his first championship ring by leading the Warriors in scoring in all five games but still, the average NBA fan just rolled their eyes at what should be an all-time great player's greatest moment. In the year of the triple-double, Lebron averaged a triple-double and still lost the Finals MVP to Durant (certainly more understanding than the Iguodala case but, one hell of a battle). Simply adding Kyle Korver was not enough to turn the Cavaliers into the Warriors so, they started to tear things down in the ensuing year by letting go of GM David Griffin and hiring Koby Altman to the same position.

Entertainment Value: D

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So, what's changed since last year? The Cavaliers are somewhat younger and certainly more inexperienced with Cedi Osman, Rodney Hood, George Hill, Jordan Clarkson, Jeff Green and Larry Nance Jr. replacing Kyrie Irving, Channing Frye, Iman Shumpert, Richard Jefferson, Deron Williams and Derrick Williams. Meanwhile, the Warriors have yet to put together a full four quarters of consistent dominance together because they just don't seem to care as much as every other playoff team has and yet, they can afford not to care which is what makes them so frustrating. It's not that they are good, it's that they've gone from being a fun watch to a completely different, less compelling watch than they've been in years. Nothing was more fun than watching Curry and Thompson hit ridiculous three after ridiculous three and the passes this team made leading to those shots were incredible as well. Now, it's too much lanky Kevin Durant-focused basketball. He isn't spreading the ball around enough and while I'm sure Steve Kerr is keeping that in the team's back pocket until their backs are up against the wall, it's at least a tiny bit concerning that this team can just continue to rely on KD scoring 30 per game and sweep an ugly Cavaliers team to conclude this NBA season. Despite them not playing their most successful style of basketball, they might not even need to. At least give us some all-time bloopers from Nick Young, J.R. Smith and JaVale McGee and I'll be happy.

Final Prediction: Pusha T in 4. yugghck!

Finals Prediction: Warriors in 5.

MVP: Stephen Curry.

NBA Playoff Roundup & Conference Final Picks

Finally, the inevitable conference finals matchups we've been pondering since last July have arrived. Obviously, these are not the circumstances under which it was believed that these four teams would be the final four as the Cavaliers underwent a role player rebuild this trade deadline and the Celtics continue to succeed despite every past version of a team with their levels of misfortune having an earlier demise.  The Warriors are still the damn Warriors and nobody is getting in the way of their unavoidable dynasty's third championship in four years (or are they?). Lastly, the Houston Rockets are still fun and have two of the top ten point guards ever sharing the court for a majority of their games. That last tidbit along with the emergence of Clint Capela are the reasons why Houston has the greatest chance of challenging the NBA's defending champs.

Luckily, three out of these four teams have avoided any postseason injuries of note. After missing the first round and an otherwise uncompetitive series against the Spurs, Steph Curry seemed to have returned to form immediately by dropping 28 points in under 28 minutes versus the Pelicans during game one of the second round. Otherwise, Golden State is healthy, Houston is healthy, Cleveland is healthy and oh yeah... Boston. Well, the Celtics finally have Marcus Smart back at 100% (They need him) but, they are still down Kyrie Irving, Gordon Hayward and maybe Shane Larkin (and who knew that Larkin could be an injury of note in the conference finals even three weeks ago). Otherwise, Jaylen Brown has had enough time to heal that he should be back at 100% for the Eastern Conference Finals and the Celtics minus their two best players are somehow the best version of today's Celtics.

I've never been as wrong about anything playoff basketball related as I have the 2018 Boston Celtics. They have redefined what TEAM basketball can achieve with their only obvious "glue player" Al Horford holding it all together and proving his All-Star worthiness that some still questioned. Terry Rozier and Jaylen Brown are riding hot streaks from beyond the arc that are unprecedented up to this point in their short careers and have been able to get open shots thanks to the same style of "who cares who shoots it, as long as it's open" offense that the Warriors adapted once Steve Kerr came to the Bay Area. All that plus Jayson Tatum realizing his scoring potential as of late, despite only being a 20-year old rookie has the Celtics believing they can upset the Lebrons.

USA TODAY Sports
Jayson Tatum is on the road to becoming a Kevin Durant-like scorer.

With my schedule involving working during games, it's been difficult to watch every game and keep up with my regularly-programmed scheduling of watching shows like Atlanta and Legion, listening to all of the newest releases and all of this basketball. Somehow, I've been able to do it and I must say that the highlights of this trying NBA postseason have been watching the Celtics and pretending to tolerate their obnoxious fan base, the "Teddy Perkins" episode of Atlanta and some supremely awesome new records from Janelle Monae, Beach House and Leon Bridges. I hope this hot streak in entertainment keeps up and the Celtics actually provide a challenge to the Cavaliers but, I just don't know how that happens without an embarrassing mismatch taking place on the NBA's biggest stage (the Finals). Are we really about to watch Boston's team of nobodies play the Warriors' roster of four All-Stars? I really hope not. At least one team (Cleveland or Houston) needs to break that up but, I don't necessarily need to see a fourth battle between the Cavaliers and Warriors either (does anybody?). All in all, this feels like a lost postseason with Philly sputtering out in a five-game series against a team that has experienced no real lows over the past decade but as long as these four remain, I'm excited to see the results.

Key Matchups: Clint Capela vs. Draymond Green & Marcus Morris vs. Marcus Morris's overconfidence.

Conference Finals Picks
Cavaliers over Celtics in 4.
Warriors over Rockets in 5.