Wisconsin Rapids Bro League
Our tenth official season of blaming Cole Walters for scheduling roof repair one day after adopting two kittens.
Bro...
It's so over. The Alabama streak of extreme dominance? Over. The Bills being good without Stefon Diggs? So over. Gabe and Andy's 2024 Bro League hopes? It's not looking good, Jim! None of these feels true just yet but the writing is on the wall and we're just waiting for the hieroglyphics translators to return my calls. Buffalo isn't ready to make anyone besides Khalil Shakir a real starting NFL wideout (Davante Adams time?) and with Shakir out on a week-to-week basis, the Bills Mafia is watching an offense stuck in the mud. The Bengals are also struggling mightily to string together any success with a defense in need of a deadline acquisition. Their 38-41 loss to Baltimore in week 5 was the first real shootout of the 2024 season that provided fantasy leagues with points aplenty, whether that was both quarterbacks, Derrick Henry, Ja'Marr Chase, Tee Higgins and both Ravens tight ends. Both Isaiah Likely and no, not that one... Charlie Kolar of all people were benefactors of a game where everyone from Justin Tucker to Zack Moss was seemingly wound up and in a zone. We used to pray for games like this.
Previewing Week 6, the byes are in full swing and we're down both NFL undefeateds in Kansas City and the Minnesota Vikings. Nick's Dolphins are getting a bye week just in time with Tua still out and the rest of the team looking sore despite only having played five games. The only team in worse shape (despite having one of the most productive RBs in the league) are the Rams, who are relying on the likes of Jordan Whittington and Tutu Atwell to get open in actual NFL games. There's another London game at the asscrack of dawn that will start as I'm getting off work, racing home so that I can feed my addiction with the Jaguars playing the Bears. I don't think either of these teams are all that bad but, the Jaguars very well could be if they lose this one. Does Doug Pederson get sent home before I make it back to Rapids? Check with your local bookies to find out the odds on that one. Spencer "#TheAgenda" Rattler makes his first career start in a game that is must-watch now against Tampa Bay at noon. The Saints kind of need this one to avoid heading into a tailspin of their own. The former Sooner/Gamecock won't be the only rookie making his first career start as Drake Maye takes over the most boring team of 2024 as the Patriots' horrid o-line tries to keep him upright against a playoff-caliber Texan squad now down Nico Collins. Justin Fields officially seems to have the starting job in Pittsburgh as Russell Wilson is cleared to play but, will likely just wear eye black while holding a clipboard when the Steelers take on Aidan O'Connell (I can't believe how dumb the Raiders are being with their whole team) instead of Gardner Minshew at 3. The Bengals and Giants play the first "You sure you don't want to flex us out of this one, Roger?" game of 2024 on SNF and the Jets play the Bills in the first "You sure you Robert Saleh was the issue, Rodgers?" game of 2024 on MNF.
Alec finally won so now he gets to run into the "Team shredder" that is Caleb Williams Nail Polish. I used to think my team was good until I saw Lamar Jackson and George Kittle (both on Brett's team) take my lunch, injure Rashee Rice, Nico Collins, Tua Tagovailoa, burn down my crops and push me to the ground. I play the WRBL lead-scoring team in Hoefs' Van Buren Boys, Cole faces Sparky in our only matchup of two teams with winning records and Gabe looks to end his league-worst 4-game losing streak with a victory over Nick's Tua Lipa. Maybe Josh Allen can complete more than nine of his thirty pass attempts this week or maybe Jets interim Jeff Ulbrich really is the be-all, fix-all that New York needed. I'll have to do my own research before I commit to further jabs at the Jets. Either way, it's going to be a juicy week six where we can probably start to cross some teams off both in reality and fantasy.
Official WRBL Standings
Steven Nett Division
Dad Weights and Protein Shakes (Jaime Sparkes) 4-1 L1 (642.3)
The Van Buren Boys (Nathaniel Hoefs) 3-2 W3 (718.6)
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 3-2 W1 (614.54)
Stoltzya's Electric Orcas (Gabe Stoltz) 1-4 L4 (547)
Shooter McGavin Division
Caleb Williams Nail Polish (Brett Weinfurter) 4-1 W4 (664.72)
Tua Lipa (Nick Zurawski) 3-2 L1 (611.4)
T-o-d-d Todd To Go (Andy Todd) 1-4 L3 (590.52)
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 1-4 W1 (485.86)
Week Five Final Scores
BRETT defeats SPARKY 160.82-114.42
ALEC defeats GABE 120.26-110.9
HOEFS defeats NICK 171.88-94.54
COLE defeats ANDY 133.56-109.96
Heroes of the Week: WR Ja'Marr Chase (41.3, Hoefs), QB Joe Burrow (33.78, Hoefs), QB Lamar Jackson (33.42, Brett)
Waiver Wonders: QB Kirk Cousins (34.36), WR Darnell Mooney (31.5), QB Joe Flacco (26.56)
Benchwarmers of the Week: WR Tee Higgins (29.3, Sparky), TE Brock Bowers (23.7, Cole), WR Brian Thomas Jr. (23.2, Andy)
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Dale Zanine/USA TODAY Sports
Waiver Wonder: QB Kirk Cousins (42/58-509-4-1) |
Upcoming Week 6 Schedule for both WRBL and NFL (in CST)
Sparky v. Cole
Nick v. Gabe
Andy v. Hoefs
Alec v. Brett
Thursday @ 7:15 PM: San Francisco @ Seattle
SUNDAY MORNING IN LONDON @ 8:30 AM: Jacksonville vs. Chicago
Sunday @ NOON: Tampa Bay @ New Orleans (QUADBOX)
Washington @ Baltimore (QUADBOX)
Arizona @ Green Bay (QUADBOX)
Indianapolis @ Tennessee
Houston @ New England
Cleveland @ Philadelphia (QUADBOX)
Sunday @ 3:05 PM: LA Chargers @ Denver
Pittsburgh @ Las Vegas
Sunday @ 3:25 PM: Atlanta @ Carolina
Detroit @ Dallas
Sunday @ 7:20 PM: Cincinnati @ NY Giants
Monday @ 7:15 PM: Buffalo @ NY Jets
BYE WEEKS: Kansas City Chiefs, Minnesota Vikings, Miami Dolphins, Los Angeles Rams
Scoring Leaders
QB
Lamar Jackson 124.54 (Brett)
Josh Allen 93.8 (Nick)
Jalen Hurts 67.5 (Gabe)
Joe Burrow 67.2 (Hoefs)
Brock Purdy 51.98 (Alec)
Aaron Rodgers 47.78 (Cole)
Patrick Mahomes 44.46 (Sparky)
Jayden Daniels 43.74 (Sparky)
Jared Goff 41.74 (Andy)
C.J. Stroud 37.8 (Hoefs)
Jordan Love 32.36 (Cole)
Tua Tagovailoa 24.12 (Andy)
Kyler Murray 24.1 (Gabe)
Caleb Williams 23.56 (Andy)
Derek Carr 7.98 (Alec)
RB
Alvin Kamara 119.2 (Sparky)
Derrick Henry 99.5 (Nick)
Saquon Barkley 98 (Cole)
Kyren Williams 97.1 (Alec)
James Cook 84.2 (Hoefs)
Jordan Mason 83.2 (Nick)
Aaron Jones 78.7 (Sparky)
James Conner 74.5 (Brett)
Jonathan Taylor 72.6 (Nick)
Breece Hall 71.5 (Andy)
Jahmyr Gibbs 71.1 (Gabe)
D'Andre Swift 68.9 (Brett)
Bijan Robinson 67.8 (Andy)
Travis Etienne 58.2 (Cole)
De'Von Achane 46.9 (Hoefs)
Brian Robinson Jr. 44.8 (Gabe)
Josh Jacobs 41.9 (Alec)
Chuba Hubbard 39.6 (Sparky)
Joe Mixon 34.8 (Cole)
Kenneth Walker 33.5 (Hoefs)
Isiah Pacheco 31.9 (Gabe)
Rachaad White 26.2 (Nick)
Rhamondre Stevenson 25.5 (Alec)
Tony Pollard 18.8 (Cole)
Kareem Hunt 18.7 (Gabe)
Zack Moss 17.8 (Hoefs)
Jerome Ford 17.4 (Hoefs)
Cam Akers 12.7 (Cole)
J.K. Dobbins 9.2 (Alec)
Najee Harris 8.9 (Sparky)
WR
Ja'Marr Chase 108.3 (Hoefs)
Nico Collins 106.7 (Andy)
Justin Jefferson 95 (Sparky)
Malik Nabers 91.6 (Hoefs)
Drake London 85.4 (Brett)
Mike Evans 80.6 (Andy)
CeeDee Lamb 76.3 (Gabe)
Garrett Wilson 72.7 (Cole)
Marvin Harrison Jr. 68.9 (Brett)
Amon-Ra St. Brown 68.48 (Brett)
Chris Godwin 66.5 (Cole)
D.J. Moore 65.2 (Nick)
Tyreek Hill 60.7 (Alec)
Chris Olave 56.2 (Gabe)
Stefon Diggs 48.1 (Gabe)
Davante Adams 44.9 (Sparky)
DK Metcalf 43.3 (Alec)
Cooper Kupp 39.7 (Nick)
Deebo Samuel 39.7 (Andy)
Brandon Aiyuk 32.5 (Cole)
Jayden Reed 31.2 (Sparky)
Rashee Rice 29.1 (Andy)
A.J. Brown 22.9 (Hoefs)
Amari Cooper 21.1 (Nick)
Zay Flowers 19 (Brett)
Jaylen Waddle 16.2 (Cole)
DeVonta Smith 14.9 (Gabe)
Jaxon Smith-Njigba 13.1 (Alec)
Xavier Worthy 11.8 (Hoefs)
Puka Nacua 8.2 (Alec)
Michael Pittman Jr. 7.1 (Alec)
Diontae Johnson 5.9 (Gabe)
Tank Dell 2.3 (Alec)
Rome Odunze 2 (Sparky)
Jameson Williams 1.2 (Alec)
TE
George Kittle 49 (Brett)
Dallas Goedert 47 (Hoefs)
Travis Kelce 46.9 (Andy)
Kyle Pitts 40.3 (Alec)
Dalton Kincaid 37.6 (Sparky)
Brock Bowers 31 (Cole)
Sam LaPorta 26.7 (Nick)
Tucker Kraft 24.8 (Hoefs)
Jake Ferguson 13 (Gabe)
Mark Andrews 12.5 (Gabe)
Tyler Conklin 11.5 (Cole)
David Njoku 10.8 (Hoefs/Nick)
Isaiah Likely 5 (Brett)
Evan Engram 1.5 (Cole)
K
Brandon Aubrey 68 (Brett)
Ka'imi Fairbairn 59 (Hoefs)
Jake Moody 57 (Cole)
Harrison Butker 49 (Sparky)
Evan McPherson 46 (Nick)
Justin Tucker 40 (Alec)
Jake Bates 26 (Andy)
Jake Elliott 19 (Gabe)
Younghoe Koo 15 (Gabe)
Blake Grupe 1 (Andy)
DF
San Francisco 49ers 48 (Sparky)
New York Jets 40 (Hoefs)
Cleveland Browns 33 (Brett)
Pittsburgh Steelers 30 (Andy)
Dallas Cowboys 28 (Gabe)
Chicago Bears 25 (Alec)
New England Patriots 13 (Cole)
New Orleans Saints 13 (Nick)
Los Angeles Chargers 12 (Nick)
Baltimore Ravens 11 (Alec)
Las Vegas Raiders 10 (Nick)
Miami Dolphins 8 (Cole)
Cincinnati Bengals 2 (Andy)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 2 (Cole)
Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, no divisions)
Hoefs 3-2
Brett 3-2
Sparky 3-2
Cole 3-2
Nick 3-2
Andy 3-2
Gabe 1-4
Alec 1-4
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