Wisconsin Rapids Bro League
Bro...
Do Jaguars fans miss the days when they knew their QB was trash but had fun with Blake Bortles and Gardner Minshew anyways? I certainly do. After not buying into Lawrence's NFL stock at Clemson as I thought he looked the part more than actually played the part of a higher echelon NFL prospect, I gained immediate sympathy as I watched Urban Meyer run the little bit of stability that version of the Jaguars franchise had out the front, back and side doors. One year post-Meyer, we saw the team rally around their future face of the league, clinch a playoff spot and complete an epic comeback over the Los Angeles Chargers. I bought in and snagged Lawrence with a late-round pick to be my starting QB for the 2023 WRBL season. He helped me to a postseason but much like the Jaguars, his stats collapsed enough after an 8-3 start that I benched him in time for the fantasy playoffs. It's 2024 now and Lawrence is not only seen as too turnover prone to be fantasy relevant, but he's leading an 0-3 team on a 8-game losing streak and every football pundit in America is ready to roast his 5-year extension worth $275 million that should keep him in Duval county through 2030. Will he be able to flip the switch considering he's only 24, missing TE Evan Engram and has yet to develop any steady habits with rookie WR Brian Thomas Jr.? I'm still in his corner because dammit, he wasn't the one handing Buffalo 47 points on Monday! That's something Doug Pederson has to answer for and quickly.
It's been a shaky start and they are 3-0 but, maybe it's too soon to put the football team baster into the AFC teams puddle, soak up the 2024 Chiefs and squeeze them out into the Super Bowl 59. The Texans clearly have another hurdle to leap over before they can seriously contend after a 34-7 loss to the 3-0 Vikings, the Steelers are still just a defense without Kenny Pickett actively sabotaging their efforts anymore and the Bills might just be the biggest "Ewing Theory" success story of 2024 after trading Stefon Diggs. In the NFC, all eyes will be on the injury reports ahead of Sunday's Vikings-Packers game as both Jordans (Addison and Love) are questionable and could greatly shift the fortunes of their respective NFC North team in a battle for Midwestern supremacy. Along the coasts, Philadelphia is just a confusing mess where Jalen Hurts is grateful for the Trevor Lawrence dialogue covering up his own inadequacies dating back to mid-2023, the Saints came back to reality in a loss to Philly that cost them their Center Erik McCoy and the Seahawks quietly squawked their way to 3-0 by shitting all over the Dolphins in a 24-3 Skylar Thompson lowlight reel. If Nick Zurawski ever has to see Tim Boyle take a snap again, he might just have to distract himself by moving to New York City and becoming mayor (I hear they have an opening). It's either that or go run the Marlins and right now, travel might be kind of difficult.
Stephen Maturen/Getty Images
It's a Marlins World and you're lucky to be living in it.
SPEAKING OF BASEBALL, Don't even get me started on my fantasy baseball team (The Soler System) now in it's 12th season and competing for a first-place finish for the first time ever. I will cover it more in-depth next week but let's just say that I've been on call with officials in Georgia, told them not to count any makeup game points from Monday's probable doubleheader and that they need to STOP THE STEAL. I cannot believe that the third NL wildcard might literally come down to this doubleheader, I cannot believe that my team is choking this hard even though they've done nothing but that in my previous eleven years of ownership and more importantly, I cannot believe ESPN fired Zach Lowe.
Time for a little bit of inside baseball here as I must point out that this entire weekly update was going to start with some minor reflection of Adrian Wojnarowski's legendary tenure as THE NBA insider at ESPN. This week, Woj dropped his final bomb and announced that he was essentially retiring from his career as a basketball journalist and instead, inserting himself into a GM role at St. Bonaventure college. The work had become too much for him and I tip my cap. Of course, that was overshadowed for me by Lowe Post podcast host Zach Lowe being one of the network's supposed cap casualties headed into this next NBA season. Not only is Zach a Grantland alum (wasn't I just reflecting on what an impact they had on my desire to do this nonsense for a living coming out of high school two weeks ago?) but, he's the best basketball writer around and I personally hope he goes to one of The Ringer, The Athletic or Yahoo! Sports (who have been building up a solid sports team after being the internet's vacant lot of an e-mail host/fantasy sports website for the past fifteen years). How will the NBA maintain my interest this Winter without the three greatest words in sports podcasting ("WHAT UP BECK?"), where else will I find out cultural differences among European countries like Serbia and Croatia without leaving Wisconsin? and most importantly, who else will assure me that sometimes, it's okay to just have one beer? Okay, maybe not that last one considering this is still Wisconsin and I'm sure people will gladly encourage that but just think about all of the talent that's left ESPN in the past five to ten years. Who is remaining that will actually get you to say "Alright, ____ is on, I should watch this!"? For me, it's Mina Kimes, Bill Barnwell, Monica McNutt, Tony Kornheiser, Adam Schefter on Sunday mornings, Jeff Passan and Stephania Bell. I'm sure there's a couple missing here or there but that about covers every corner I think I care about. There aren't any individual shows that I consider must-see anymore. There is no Sportsnation, no The Jump, no Dan LeBatard Show, no Grantland Basketball Hour, no Outside The Line, no Sports Reporters and soon there probably won't be Around The Horn or Pardon The Interruption. Time goes on and people move on or pass (RIP Stuart Scott, John Saunders, John Clayton, Chris Mortensen and Howie Schwab to name a few) but these institutions and this network did not have to kill itself.
ESPN
Apologies to College Gameday for the omission as this is the one show that I am still 100% tuning into any time that I'm able to even with Nick Saban and Pat McAfee as their newer additions.
Shit! I forgot what I was supposed to be doing here. Sparky beat me after Dalton Kincaid wouldn't lose ten yards and a fumble on Monday. After discovering that averaging 130 points a week wasn't enough, Hoefs made his team drink Michael's Secret Stuff and one-upped themselves to 160.86-point week where everybody in the lineup showed up. Nick destroyed no-show Alec, who is now in desperation territory as our lone 0-3 and Brett handed Gabe an easy L as the Electric Orcas received a combined NEGATIVE ONE POINT out of TE Mark Andrews, K Jake Elliott and the once great Dallas Cowboys defense. The crazy thing is that it looks like Gabe will trot out the same trio next week with hopes for a greater tomorrow. That's a pretty ballsy move! It's not like these fantasy points just fall out of coconut trees my friends, you've got to find them where they are consistently originating. T-o-d-d Todd To Go nearly added Sam Darnold last minute to start over Jared Goff but for whatever reason decided against it. I may not have won either way but last time that I checked 23.24 > 14.56 and at least I would have made Sparky sweat out a possible first loss on Monday before Dalton Kincaid decided to be the only Tight End to show up this week and score a touchdown.
Week 4 should be an awesome one with the aforementioned 3-0 Dad Weights and Protein Shakes taking on Stolzya's Electric Orcas in a shocking match-up of Electric versus Sparkes (*audience groans*). After finally winning despite outscoring every other team by 39.04 points on the season, LIVE.LAUGH.COOK. might just get handed another W by the 0-3 Tax Paying Homeowner. Noted Swiftie Brett Weinfurter will have to pray I don't catch him in the Shooter McGavin Division now that I nabbed his most recent drop off waivers in TE T.J. Hockenson (you might not regret that this week Brett, but in the long-term? in a world where Travis Kelce, Trey McBride and Hockenson are basically half of the relevant fantasy Tight Ends and I now own all three? Don't look back in anger even if Oasis is reuniting). The Colieveland 96ers will probably get a billion points from Saquanothan Barkley Jr. III and Nick will tell Josh Allen to pull a Greg Jennings and put the whole mf'in team on his back once more as Tua Lipa's injuries continue to heal in time for the first bye weeks coming week 5.
USA TODAY Sports
With TE George Kittle out, Brett is doubling down on Ravens TE Isaiah Likely.
After my second viewing of Another Round starring Mads Mikkelsen, a 2020 Danish film that I had to show Father Todd that I believe is a five-star movie, I've decided not to drink to a 0.05% BAC this week but instead grind more in-game tape as I simply do not know enough about the Seahawks, Patriots or Buccaneers as we finish the first quarter of the season. So, I guess I'll be watching a bit closer when the Patriots play the undermanned 49ers at 3, the Bucs play an Eagles team who they've been known to cause trouble for in recent seasons at noon and cap it all off with the 3-0 Seahawks travelling into a tough road atmosphere in Detroit on Monday Night Football. In case one doubleheader wasn't enough, we're blessed (?) with another this week as we see Will Levis battle for his football life against the Dolphins and hopefully Tyler Huntley has that playbook down. If not, we're getting Levis vs. Thompson and that should really only be a battle at the used car lot in 2031 based on early season results.
Official WRBL Standings
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| Gary A. Vasquez Hero of the Week: RB Kyren Williams (Tax Paying Homeowner) |
Nick v. Cole
