Wisconsin Rapids Bro League
Week Two
Our Seventh Official Season of blaming Cole Walters for spending all my money on DraftKings
Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
Steven Nett Division
Scott's Many Endeavors (Nick Zurawski) 2-0 W2
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 2-0 W3
Yeezy Taught Me (Nathaniel Hoefs) 1-1 L1
Todd's Plan (Andy Todd) 1-1 W1
Tanner Glaza Division
Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 1-1 L1
Take Mahomes Country Roads (Ryan Dougherty) 1-1 W1
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 0-2 L2
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 0-2 L2
Week Two Final Scores
NICK defeats SNEEN 134.06-122.44
DARRIN defeats HOEFS 148.3-146.1
RYAN defeats COLE 118.12-106.06
ANDY defeats ALEC 139.52-114.88
Heroes of the Week: RB Derrick Henry (47.7), RB Aaron Jones (41.5), WR Cooper Kupp (36.8)
Waiver Wonders: QB Daniel Jones (29.46), QB Kirk Cousins (25.26), WR Rondale Moore (24.4)
What-if of the Week: Sneen could have beaten Nick by .08 with WR Mike Williams (22.1) in his lineup over WR Allen Robinson (10.4).
 |
USA TODAY Sports
Hero of the Week: RB Derrick Henry (Team ChowHounds) |
Upcoming Week 3 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Alec v. Nick
Ryan v. Darrin
Sneen v. Andy
Hoefs v. Cole
Thursday Night Football: Carolina @ Houston 7:20 PM
Sunday NOON: Washington @ Buffalo
Chicago @ Cleveland
Baltimore @ Detroit
Indianapolis @ Tennessee
LA Chargers @ Kansas City
New Orleans @ New England
Atlanta @ NY Giants
Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh
Arizona @ Jacksonville
3:05 PM: NY Jets @ Denver
Miami @ Las Vegas
3:25 PM: Tampa Bay @ LA Rams
Seattle @ Minnesota
Sunday Night Football: Green Bay @ San Francisco 7:20 PM
Monday Night Football: Philadelphia @ Dallas 7:15 PM
Bro...
I reserve the right to rant or ramble about another fantasy league once per season and unbelievably, in week two, we have reached that time. (It's my blog so just play along here) After the pitiful Packer performance in Florida against the Saints, it was pretty much universally accepted that Aaron Rodgers and the crew would be out for blood and a big bounce-back against the NFC North's favorite punching bag, the Detroit Lions. I knew that going into my father and I's TD-only match against the defending champion (WHO oh by the way, prevented us from winning a fourth title in a row last season by taking the Colts defense at our league's midseason draft two picks before us and besting our record by HALF A GAME) and his trio of cheeseheads that we'd need everybody to show up in a major way. Of course, the final score of this all-timer of an early season showdown would take some time to develop with 7/9 starters from our Todd's Tornados kicking their games off after 3 PM CT (not literally though because could you imagine Derrick Henry kicking?) and our opponent, Doc's Jocks had 5/9 starters playing in primetime. Knowing he had Mike Evans and the Green Bay Triage oncoming after a riveting set of noon games knotted us up at 0-0, I stated out loud "if we're going to win this week, we need a barrage of 5 or 6 touchdowns before Sunday Night Football AT LEAST". In a league where 40 points is the standard for a good week, that seems unlikely to come from one's lineup without the SNF QB in action yet (Patrick Mahomes). Alas, there's a reason we've been as successful as we have the past half-decade and that's because our Todd's Tornados are lucky enough to be STACKED and the fellas on the field outdid what I asked of them by scoring 7 touchdowns and tacked on ten from Matt Prater, that included a massive 62-yard shot before halftime AND the eventual game-winner versus Minnesota. Yeah, Mike Evans scored two cheap inside-the-5 touchdowns but I can't complain about that because I have him in another league (more on that later). 52-12 going into SNF and I didn't say anything about "maybe we need 4 from Mahomes" even though it was certainly in play that he needed to have a classic Mahom-ian type showcase on NBC. The Jocks immediately reminded us of their evil presence (he does still hold the most titles won in the 41-year history of this 8-team league with FOURTEEN) by letting the second Lamar Jackson pass errantly drift into the welcoming hands of Tyrann "Honey Badger" Mathieu, a man that should lose his nickname because if honey badger truly didn't care like the classic YouTube video taught us, he would have stepped out at the 1. The Mathieu pick-six in addition to K Justin Tucker's 6 points doubled the Jocks up to 24 with three players remaining and Mahomes' three touchdown passes gave us an additional 18, putting the Tornados at SEVENTY points, a truly remarkable week no matter the talent of the squad at hand. 70-24 looked pretty damn good headed into Monday, ESPN had us at an 87% chance of winning and I said "thank you, ESPN's math department for the quality math-ing".
Aaron Rodgers - 24 points, 4 touchdown passes, he doesn't even want to be here anymore
Aaron Jones - 24 points, 3 touchdown catches, 1 touchdown run. I thought NFL teams were going to stop re-upping their veteran running backs?
Davante Adams - Great night, 0 points, dodged that train and it didn't. even. matter.
Final...
 |
| Since 1980, 70 is the highest-scoring week for any losing team in the Pittsville Football League's history. |
The Pack won 35-17 and the Jocks won 72-70. Glancing through the PFL record books, Father Todd found this juicy tidbit... the top-4 highest combined point totals between opponents in PFL history have all had us at the losing end of said battles.  |
| Talk about poor timing, the Tornados averaged 52 points in their four losses in the highest scoring matches ever. |
Apparently, I've just been penalized 15 yards on the ensuing kickoff for even mentioning the word "hijinks" as the NFL continues to crack down on emotion by policing celebrations with their re-upped taunting rules. I can see why they wanted to review pass interference calls in 2019 because of the Saints-Rams result a year prior and the fact that the yardage attached to a DPI is substantial compared to that of a false start. I can even see why they go as hard as they do on targeting calls (player safety concerns) and roughing the passer, a penalty they have 100% over-officiated with recently that still ultimately benefits the game by keeping the most important player on the field healthy. What exactly is accomplished by legislating a defensive back waving incomplete on an incomplete pass out of the game? Nothing. The highlight of last year's beatdown of a Super Bowl was Antoine Winfield Jr. giving a revenge peace sign to Tyreek Hill's grill less than two months after getting the reverse treatment from the overconfident Chiefs wideout. Much like Clyde Edwards-Helaire on Sunday night, the NFL is fumbling the bag on this one.
Yes, despite Pat Mahomes' good showing, Kansas City ultimately fell victim to Lamar Jackson's heroic one-man show in Baltimore as the field of undefeated teams is already down to 7 after just two games. The Buccaneers and Rams we might have all seen coming but, Denver, Carolina, Arizona, San Francisco and the Las Vegas Raiders are a whole other story. Sure, I boldly took the Broncos to win the AFC West this offseason at 12-5 but there's a reason that move would have been considered BOLD had I chosen to make it public. On the flip side of that, I don't see any of the Panthers, Cardinals, Niners or Grudens making it past week 18. It seems as though there are still some very real pretenders hanging around at 2-0 and some fake non-contenders sitting solemnly at 0-2. Whom amongst the Colts, Jets, Jaguars, Giants, Vikings, Lions or Falcons ends up in the wildcard chase at least? I'd put money on Minnesota despite some shitty defense due to temporary early season injuries and continued kicker woes that have plagued the land of 10,000 lakes since I was born. Maybe they owe Dan Bailey a call before Mike Zimmer loses his job.
 |
Beth A. Keiser/AP
Despite being the most cursed of kicks in Viking lore, Gary Anderson was still one hell of a kicker compared to either Greg Joseph or Blair Walsh. |
Apparently fantasy football points were just flying all over the place this week as the WRBL saw our first week with every team scoring 100 or higher of the 2021 season and possibly ever(? somebody else look this one up). Not only that but we all came close in our games' margins of defeat as well. Andy's Todd's Plan took the easiest path possible by riding his annual All-Pro Tight End (Travis Kelce, 23.9 points) to a victory over Alec's Tax Paying Homeowner and his soon-to-be annual All-Pro Tight End (T.J. Hockenson, 20.6) in a fairly back-and-forth match that got real lopsided during the second half of the late afternoon games thanks to the two aforementioned Mike Evans cheapie TDs and a touchdown from Calvin Ridley (of Todd's Tornado fame) as well. The other three matches stayed vibing with the back-and-forth as Sneen's Machine fell to 0-2 after Sunday night thanks to Lamar Jackson's favorite singer being Carrie Underwood, favorite announcer duo remaining Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth and his favorite thing to do (after research and pooping) being collecting dubs while playing truly chaotic football at home. Nick didn't exactly get another "Tyreekening" but, Lamar (32.26) carried the load (without dumping it this go around as far as we know) as Mark Andrews, Justin Tucker and the Ravens D/ST combined for only 17.7 as the Machine sputtered to a halt. The defending champ is now 0-2 and takes on 1-1 Todd's Plan as we continue our gentlemen's rivalry so, best of luck to you on your attempt at glorious redemption on the virtual gridiron this week, cabin man. 1-1 Alec faces 2-0 Nick as Homeowner and Teamowner Mr. Swanson might be thinking about other options at QB after Joe Burrow nearly threw up a total dud (he had negative points until the fourth quarter) against the questionable Bear secondary.
The other two games were decided during Monday Night's Packer beatdown of the "Hey! at least we have those three first round picks in 2022!" Lions. Firstly, Derrick Henry's heroic performance still wasn't enough for Darrin's ChowHounds going in to MNF as the 1-0 vs. 1-0 matchup versus Nathaniel needed some extra flavoring to the tune of 24.6 points and a true rally from league legend Aaron Rodgers. Despite Hoefs getting second for points this week (gee, why does this sound familiar?), the second-year owner came in second in a two-man race during this, the second week with A-Rod dropping a cool 26.8 when he easily could have just handed one of those touchdowns off to Aaron Jones and saved Yeezy Taught Me and I both some headaches at the 1-1 line of mediocrity. Finally, Take Mahomes Country Roads took all the backroads and sneaked into a win with vigorous, borderline illegal speeds as Mahomes himself and Week 2 Hero Aaron Jones rallied for 65.52 of the 118.12 put up by Ryan in his victory over Cole, a man that had the lead and more players (D'Andre Swift + Davante Adams) going into Monday night and still lost because the Aaron Jones game was simply that fucking fantastic for fantasy. Bring out the sombreros as Nathan looks to give Cole the hat trick of three losses to kick off the 2021 WRBL season next week and Darrin takes on son Ryan as Thee Wisconsin ChowHounds try to continue their hot streak to 3-0 despite an injury to Jarvis Landry and the continued interruptions in Josh Jacobs' development after his rookie season went so well.
The NFL has a sneaky interesting/weird game coming up on Thursday with way-too-early MVP candidate Sam Darnold trying to take his team to 3-0 as the Panthers might just have that fate fall to them with an overmatched rookie Davis Mills potentially leading the Texans' charge with Tyrod Taylor injured again. My only fantasy advice for this game is that Christian McCaffrey should probably be in your lineup... call it a hunch. Another rookie quarterback MAY be seeing his first start in the NFL, though I actually would not be stunned to see the Bears pull Nick Foles out of professional clipboard holding to protect their long-term investment in Justin Fields with Andy Dalton possibly inactive due to his own injury. Did somebody say an injury was going to force a probably undercooked QB into starting on Sunday? Oh yeah, Carson Wentz's ankles are sleeping with the fishes and now second-year pro Jacob Eason will probably get a significant amount of practice time in with the first team as the 0-2 Colts look to tighten up the Titans' division, in which Tennessee is 1-1 following their dramatic OT win in Seattle. With all of that in mind, it seems more likely that the game to watch is Chiefs-Chargers, not that there was any doubt as that is the only noon game jumping out at me in a significant matter (and nothing about that Saints-Patriots game is going to confirm anything I've seen from either of those two 9-8 looking ass teams). Buccaneers-Rams has the potential to be an NFC Championship preview in the late window and Packers-49ers is an NFC Championship rematch of only two years ago that might feature somebody John Lynch finds on the street at 6:30 burst through Green Bay's linebackers for 150 yards by 10:30. Capping off the week are the 1-1 Eagles at the 1-1 Cowboys as the tale of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hurts face off against Defensive End Micah Parsons, the most frightening cheat code unlocked after an immediate position change from linebacker. I'm going to try to unlock my own cheat codes this week by getting Pete Carroll to throw Russell Wilson in the backfield as a Running Back more often (Geno Smith needs the reps!) and then maybe Justin Fields can torch the Browns secondary like Mahomes and Tyrod have done so far.
 |
Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports
Tyrod Taylor's success on the field has made me wonder if he's one of the biggest career what-if guys of the years we've been doing fantasy football. |
Scoring Leaders
QB
Kyler Murray 66.66 (Hoefs)
Patrick Mahomes 57.3 (Ryan)
Tom Brady 56.8 (Sneen)
Russell Wilson 50.38 (Andy)
Lamar Jackson 50.26 (Nick)
Josh Allen 33.86 (Cole)
Joe Burrow 28.92 (Alec)
Aaron Rodgers 28.12 (Darrin)
RB
Derrick Henry 58.4 (Darrin)
Christian McCaffrey 52.4 (Hoefs)
Aaron Jones 45.7 (Ryan)
Nick Chubb 38.9 (Ryan)
Dalvin Cook 37.2 (Sneen)
Austin Ekeler 34.2 (Sneen)
Joe Mixon 33.1 (Nick)
David Montgomery 29.7 (Alec)
Damien Harris 25.1 (Andy)
Alvin Kamara 25.1 (Darrin)
Najee Harris 25 (Cole)
Jonathan Taylor 23.9 (Alec)
Ezekiel Elliott 23.6 (Nick)
Antonio Gibson 21 (Andy)
Miles Sanders 17.3 (Nick)
Josh Jacobs 17 (Darrin)
Chris Carson 15.1 (Nick)
Clyde Edwards-Helaire 12.8 (Hoefs)
D'Andre Swift 11.8 (Cole)
Kenyan Drake 10.5 (Ryan)
James Robinson 8.4 (Ryan)
Saquon Barkley 3.7 (Cole)
Raheem Mostert 2 (Cole)
WR
Cooper Kupp 60.6 (Hoefs)
Adam Thielen 46.1 (Darrin)
Amari Cooper 44.3 (Ryan)
Tyreek Hill 43 (Nick)
DeAndre Hopkins 41.7 (Darrin)
CeeDee Lamb 40.8 (Hoefs)
Terry McLaurin 37.9 (Nick)
Keenan Allen 33.8 (Andy)
Stefon Diggs 31.9 (Hoefs)
Davante Adams 30.7 (Cole)
Mike Evans 29.9 (Andy)
Calvin Ridley 29.4 (Andy)
DK Metcalf 27.3 (Alec)
Robert Woods 24.4 (Sneen)
Brandin Cooks 22.8 (Darrin)
A.J. Brown 22.2 (Alec)
Allen Robinson 19.9 (Sneen)
Chris Godwin 16.2 (Alec)
Tee Higgins 16 (Cole)
D.J. Moore 15.4 (Sneen)
Ja'Marr Chase 13.4 (Sneen)
Justin Jefferson 12.54 (Alec)
Julio Jones 5.9 (Ryan)
DeVonta Smith 3.6 (Ryan)
D.J. Chark 2.9 (Cole)
TE
Travis Kelce 49.5 (Andy)
T.J. Hockenson 46.3 (Alec)
Darren Waller 38 (Hoefs)
Noah Fant 25.5 (Nick)
Logan Thomas 21.5 (Cole)
Kyle Pitts 19.4 (Ryan)
Mark Andrews 15.7 (Sneen)
George Kittle 15.5 (Darrin)
K
Brandon McManus 22 (Alec)
Justin Tucker 18 (Sneen)
Tyler Bass 15 (Cole)
Harrison Butker 15 (Darrin)
Younghoe Koo 11 (Hoefs)
Greg Zuerlein 10 (Nick)
Matt Gay 9 (Nick)
Jason Sanders 6 (Andy)
Josh Lambo 1 (Ryan)
DF
Denver Broncos 18 (Andy)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 16 (Alec)
Los Angeles Rams 14 (Cole)
Pittsburgh Steelers 12 (Hoefs)
San Francisco 49ers 7 (Nick)
Cleveland Browns 5 (Nick)
New Orleans Saints 5 (Ryan)
Indianapolis Colts 3 (Ryan)
Washington Football Team 3 (Darrin)
Baltimore Ravens -1 (Sneen)
Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose)
Yeezy Taught Me 2-0
Scott's Many Endeavors 2-0
Team ChowHounds 1-1
Todd's Plan 1-1
Tax Paying Homeowner 1-1
Take Mahomes Country Roads 1-1
SNEEN MACHINE 0-2
Colieveland 96ers 0-2
No comments:
Post a Comment