Week 6
Our 4th semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for this awfully hot coffee pot..
.Current Standings (with regular season won-loss streaks)
The Engine That Could (Andy Todd) 5-1 L1
Scott Bless Scott Damn (Scott Aschebrook) 4-2 W1
Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 3-2-1 T1
Team Easy Breesy (Ryan Dougherty) 3-3 L3
SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen) 3-3 W1
Kissin' TDs (Alec Swanson) 3-3 W3
Tremendous Big League (Nick Zurawski) 2-3-1 T1
Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook) 0-6 L6
Week Six Final Scores
WALTERS 134 ZURAWSKI 134
ASCHEBROOK JR. 155 DOUGHERTY 125
SNEEN 114 TODD 60
SWANSON 96 ASCHEBROOK SR. 64
Heroes of the Week: RB Melvin Gordon (Walters), RB Mark Ingram (Zurawski), WR Antonio Brown (Zurawski)
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| Hero of the Week: RB Melvin Gordon (Colieveland 96ers) |
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| Zero of the Week: TE Coby Fleener (Team ChowHounds) |
Upcoming Week 7 Match-ups & NFL Schedule (in CT)
Ryan v. Cole
Tyler v. Scott
Nick v. Alec
Darrin v. Andy
Thursday: Kansas City @ Oakland 7:25 PMTyler v. Scott
Nick v. Alec
Darrin v. Andy
Sunday: Tampa Bay @ Buffalo NOON
Carolina @ Chicago NOON
Tennessee @ Cleveland NOON
New Orleans @ Green Bay NOON
Jacksonville @ Indianapolis NOON
Arizona @ LA Rams NOON
NY Jets @ Miami NOON
Baltimore @ Minnesota NOON
Dallas @ San Francisco 3:05 PM
Seattle @ NY Giants 3:25 PM
Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh 3:25 PM
Denver @ LA Chargers 3:25 PM
Atlanta @ New England 7:30 PM
Welcome to another year of the league with no good teams! I thought we were past the point in the season where contenders separated in the NFL from the pretenders but, here we are. Six weeks into the season and still, the Patriots are clutching on to victory over the Jets by pure luck in unfortunate refereeing, the Dolphins are completing 20-point comebacks over former Super Bowl squads and just to muddy up the playoff picture some more, Aaron Rodgers broke his collarbone in a loss to a strong, independent Vikings team that doesn't need any quarterback. Considering Brett Favre is seven years away from a CTE study being done on his corpse, I think Green Bay will stick with Brett Hundley unless Ted Thompson decides to test the fanbase by signing Colin Kaepernick (I would pay money to see this timeline). What happens in full Brett Hundley games is anybody's guess.Tennessee @ Cleveland NOON
New Orleans @ Green Bay NOON
Jacksonville @ Indianapolis NOON
Arizona @ LA Rams NOON
NY Jets @ Miami NOON
Baltimore @ Minnesota NOON
Dallas @ San Francisco 3:05 PM
Seattle @ NY Giants 3:25 PM
Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh 3:25 PM
Denver @ LA Chargers 3:25 PM
Atlanta @ New England 7:30 PM
Monday: Washington @ Philadelphia 7:30 PM
BYE WEEKS: Detroit, Houston
Bro...
BYE WEEKS: Detroit, Houston
Bro...
Hundley was not the lone quarterback getting his first real action this week as the Browns threw Kevin Hogan on to the field for his first NFL start. Three interceptions and a bad loss later and DeShone Kizer is your new/old starting quarterback for the Cleveland Browns! This week's newbie at QB is 49ers rookie C.J. Beathard from Iowa. It won't take much for the third-round pick to make fans forget Brian Hoyer's 0-6 start. The worst part about the Aaron Rodgers injury is that Darrin Aschebrook's Team ChowHounds had the future hall of famer and still managed to lose every game. At least the former 96-point leader has an excuse for his no-show this week on Rodgers' handful of pass attempts.
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| The 49er offense looked somewhat reinvigorated with C.J. Beathard under center. |
Darrin's ugly loss puts Alec back at .500 despite another sub-100 performance by the Kissin' TDs. Also surprisingly at .500 is Team Easy Breesy. Everything was going easy breesy for Ryan's team and he is still putting up big numbers but, the most important big number remains his THREE-game losing streak. Ryan mostly just lost because occasional Ezekiel Elliott-owner Scott Aschebrook put up 155 en route to a 4-2 record. Finally, the last undefeated team has come crashing down in gloriously pathetic fashion as my The Engine That Could was momentarily derailed by the absence of Odell Beckham Jr. and we dropped a smoldering 60 against 2016 MoonBak winner, Tyler Sneen. The only players to score double digits in my lineup were bye week waiver fill-in Philip Rivers and Kareem Hunt, in a game where Hunt ran for 21 yards. It was everyone's shit week at the exact same time on my team. Those were the winners and losers in the WRBL this week.
In a battle of good versus evil, cat vs. dog, using my time wisely v. reality television, Nick and Scott tied at 134. Not only is this the first tie in Bro League semi-official history but, both teams played well enough to get a win in the hypothetical standings and the showdown featured all three Heroes of the Week. Congratulations to both owners on simultaneously not sucking and not winning. In baseball, the Cubs currently trail the Dodgers 3 games to 1 despite trying not to suck, themselves and the Yankees went from down 0-2 to up 3-2 thanks to the Astros' bats remaining silent. In basketball news, holy shit, the NBA is back already.
Week 7 better clear up some of what is real and what is fake because this fantasy football thing is fun but, does not make enough sense on a consistent basis anymore. The NFL week begins Thursday night with the 2-4 Raiders attempting to dig themselves out of a hole against the 5-1 Chiefs. The Super Bowl 51 rematch will be widely televised and show everyone which of the Patriots and Falcons are the real contenders. Only two teams are on bye this week as the Lions get a much needed break and the Texans likely cool off after three very hot showings by Deshaun Watson. In the WRBL, first meets last when I take on (likely) Cam Newton in his first start under Darrin Aschebrook. The trash talking has already begun between Cole and Ryan and let this be a reminder for everyone to keep it clean when talking trash in Ryan's general direction as I'm pretty sure he's still a minor. For example, instead of saying "Fuck you and suck on my balls" after defeating Ryan, Cole should just state the following... "Jolly good match, sir. I do declare that this was a most exquisite battle royale of which I am the victor! Now, good day to you sir.". Nick is desperately seeking a win as he tries to achieve the mediocrity of a .500 record once again versus Alec. Lastly, Ezekiel Elliott's suspension status has been altered twice this week and (AS OF MY TYPING THIS) the Dallas RB is still active for 4-2 Scott to maybe tie for first place by next week. 3-3 Sneen should be a formidable opponent for Scott with most of Sneen's machine playing in that potentially wacky Pats-Falcons Sunday Nighter. The season is almost halfway done and nobody is good besides zombie Adrian Peterson, North Dakota State's very own Carson Wentz and Tony Romo: Announcer.
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| Carson Wentz has the Eagles at 5-1, sitting atop the NFC East. |
Scoring Leaders
QB
Tom Brady 122 (SNEEN)
Aaron Rodgers 103 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Ben Roethlisberger 44 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Derek Carr 39 (ZURAWSKI)
Dak Prescott 104 (TODD)
DeShaun Watson 91 (WALTERS)
Russell Wilson 90 (SWANSON)
Drew Brees 71 (DOUGHERTY)
Matt Ryan 44 (WALTERS)
Matthew Stafford 44 (ZURAWSKI)
Alex Smith 40 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Carson Wentz 27 (DOUGHERTY)
Marcus Mariota 18 (DOUGHERTY)
Jameis Winston 18 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Philip Rivers 14 (TODD)
Tyrod Taylor 12 (ZURAWSKI)
Mitchell Trubisky 9 (SWANSON)
Philip Rivers 14 (TODD)
Tyrod Taylor 12 (ZURAWSKI)
Mitchell Trubisky 9 (SWANSON)
RB
Kareem Hunt 138 (TODD)
Leonard Fournette 126 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Melvin Gordon 122 (WALTERS)
Todd Gurley 98 (DOUGHERTY)
Ezekiel Elliott 83 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
LeSean McCoy 69 (DOUGHERTY)
Christian McCaffrey 67 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Lamar Miller 67 (WALTERS)
C.J. Anderson 58 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jordan Howard 53 (SWANSON)
Mark Ingram 38 (ZURAWSKI)
DeMarco Murray 36 (ZURAWSKI)
James White 32 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jay Ajayi 29 (ZURAWSKI)
Dalvin Cook 27 (DOUGHERTY)
Frank Gore 22 (TODD)
Joe Mixon 18 (TODD)
Javorius Allen 17 (ZURAWSKI)
Ameer Abdullah 15 (TODD)
Isaiah Crowell 13 (TODD)
David Johnson 12 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Alvin Kamara 11 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
David Johnson 12 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Alvin Kamara 11 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Marshawn Lynch 11 (ZURAWSKI)
LeGarrette Blount 8 (DOUGHERTY)
Latavius Murray 6 (SNEEN)
Bilal Powell 6 (WALTERS)
Latavius Murray 6 (SNEEN)
Bilal Powell 6 (WALTERS)
Chris Thompson 1 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
WR
Antonio Brown 128 (ZURAWSKI)
DeAndre Hopkins 108 (ZURAWSKI)
A.J. Green 96 (WALTERS)
Jordy Nelson 88 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Mike Evans 79 (DOUGHERTY)
Keenan Allen 67 (DOUGHERTY)
Demaryius Thomas 62 (SNEEN)
Julio Jones 60 (SNEEN)
Tyreek Hill 59 (SWANSON)
Larry Fitzgerald 58 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Davante Adams 55 (WALTERS)
Jarvis Landry 55 (WALTERS)
Doug Baldwin 53 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Brandin Cooks 50 (SWANSON)
Golden Tate 48 (DOUGHERTY)
Adam Thielen 38 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Martavis Bryant 34 (SNEEN)
Pierre Garcon 34 (SNEEN)
DeVante Parker 33 (SWANSON)
Dez Bryant 31 (SWANSON)
DeSean Jackson 27 (WALTERS)
Danny Amendola 22 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Terrelle Pryor 22 (SWANSON)
Nelson Agholor 19 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
T.Y. Hilton 8 (TODD)
Eric Decker 7 (SNEEN)
Randall Cobb 6 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Devin Funchess 6 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Alshon Jeffery 6 (ZURAWSKI)
Sammy Watkins 2 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Alshon Jeffery 6 (ZURAWSKI)
Sammy Watkins 2 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Mike Wallace 1 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
TE
Rob Gronkowski 88 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Zach Ertz 46 (SNEEN)
Martellus Bennett 37 (WALTERS)
Kyle Rudolph 25 (SWANSON)
Jack Doyle 22 (DOUGHERTY)
Charles Clay 21 (DOUGHERTY)
Austin Seferian-Jenkins 16 (ZURAWSKI)
Hunter Henry 14 (DOUGHERTY)
Jason Witten 14 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Greg Olsen 5 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Tyler Eifert 1 (SWANSON)
K
Stephen Gostkowski 60 (SNEEN)
Wil Lutz 53 (DOUGHERTY)
Matt Prater 53 (WALTERS)
Dan Bailey 40 (SWANSON)
Justin Tucker 30 (ASCHEBROOK JR./DOUGHERTY)
Jake Elliott 21 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Greg Zuerlein 14 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Chris Boswell 3 (TODD)
DF
Minnesota Vikings 44 (SNEEN)
Kansas City Chiefs 38 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Houston Texans 35 (WALTERS/ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Baltimore Ravens 28 (WALTERS/DOUGHERTY)
Carolina Panthers 24 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
Jacksonville Jaguars 17 (ZURAWSKI)
Pittsburgh Steelers 13 (TODD/WALTERS)
Cincinnati Bengals 9 (WALTERS)
Philadelphia Eagles 9 (ASCHEBROOK JR.)
New England Patriots 8 (TODD)
Washington 5 (WALTERS)
Atlanta Falcons 4 (SWANSON)
Miami Dolphins 4 (ZURAWSKI)
San Francisco 49ers 3 (ZURAWSKI)
Detroit Lions 2 (SWANSON)
Hypothetical Standings
Team Easy Breesy 5-1
Scott Bless Scott Damn 3-3
Tremendous Big League 3-3
SNEEN MACHINE 2-4Team ChowHounds 2-4
Kissin' TDs 1-5
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