Week 16
Our 2nd semi-official season of blaming Cole Walters for my GPS recognizing Nekoosa's finest snowmobiling trails as fully-functioning roads.
Playoff Results
#4 Fuck The Playoff System 129 #2 Team ChowHounds 113
#3 Moon's Microdongs 146 #1 Kathy Walters + Scott = Forever 136#8 Team Moon 103 #7 Team Swanson 95
#6 TyRod Henke 129 #5 SNEEN MACHINE 111
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| USA TODAY Sports Hero of the Week: WR Doug Baldwin (Team Moon) |
Heroes of the Week: WR Jordy Nelson (Todd), WR Doug Baldwin (Moon), QB Aaron Rodgers (Aschebrook Sr.)
Zeroes of the Week: DF Denver Broncos (Aschebrook Sr.), Owner Alec Swanson (Swanson), RB Jeremy Hill (Zurawski)
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| Joe Amon - The Denver Post Zero of the Week: DF Denver Broncos (Team ChowHounds) |
Upcoming Week 17 NFL Schedule (in CT)
Baltimore @ Cincinnati NOON
Houston @ Tennessee NOON
Carolina @ Tampa Bay NOON
Jacksonville @ Indianapolis NOON
New England @ Miami NOON
Chicago @ Minnesota NOON
Buffalo @ NY Jets NOON
Dallas @ Philadelphia NOON
Cleveland @ Pittsburgh NOON
New Orleans @ Atlanta 3:25 PM
NY Giants @ Washington 3:25 PM
Arizona @ Los Angeles 3:25 PM
Oakland @ Denver 3:25 PM
Kansas City @ San Diego 3:25 PM
Seattle @ San Francisco 7:30 PM
NOTE #1: All Week 17 Games are on Sunday.
NOTE #2: WRBL Year In Review, happening before next season.
Bro...
The NFL playoffs are basically set and that's nice and all but, the largest event of the football season occurred Monday night in Coleiveland. Cole Walters' shittily named "Fuck The Playoff System" are your semi-official WRBL Champions and we should all simultaneously feel happy for Cole and ashamed of ourselves for letting such an average team (8-8 in the hypothetical standings) go on a run. The Travis Kelce 80-yard touchdown on a screen pass will go down as the WRBL equivalent of David Tyree's helmet catch as both were moments of pure "Oh shit, this might actually happen". At the end of it all, there was no sweeter treat in a week filled with Christmas cookies than watching Cole celebrate his first championship win.
Besides Antonio Brown, Travis Kelce and Dak Prescott leading a 93-point comeback, there were other matchups in the Bro League this week. Scott FINALLY started Ezekiel Elliott again and still managed to come up ten points short of 3rd place, behind Nick Zurawski. I am honestly more disappointed in Scott's playoff run than my own season. Speaking of my own season, I was not last so that's a cause for one sigh of relief. Unfortunately, Sneen wins the yet-to-exist Bakmoon trophy despite finishing with the same regular season record as our league champion. Moon also won and finished in 5th because why the fuck not? How good was your team in a league where 7-7 was best, 7-7 was worst and 1-14 finished right in the middle? Hate to be a downer but, I think that means we're all just terrible.
Thank you once again to the Aschebrook household on hosting this year's championship weekend. The annual meeting saw many rule changes and other proposals that were shot down either by vote or coin flips. Topics discussed included a set amount of money required for entry next year, a possible BakMoon punishment for the last-place finisher and the future of Evan Moon. I do not recall a single bit of what we decided but, it certainly inspired some interesting ideas to think about before next year's draft. Oh yeah... and Cole Walters almost died but "dreams do come true!" and he survived near impalement from the trophy.
The WRBL Year In Review is coming sometime before the 2017 NFL season and award ballots will be unveiled in the coming days but until then, good luck this offseason and may the NFL postseason work out in your favor. Here are the final standings and your first and second All-Bro Teams...
1st - Fuck The Playoff System (Cole Walters)
2nd - Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook)
3rd - Moon's Microdongs (Nick Zurawski)
4th - Kathy Walters + Scott = Forever (Scott Aschebrook)
5th - Team Moon (Evan Moon)
6th - Team Swanson (Alec Swanson)
7th - TyRod Henke (Andy Todd)
8th - SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen)
Cam Newton 155 (ASCHEBROOK)
Jameis Winston 137 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)
Dak Prescott 126 (WALTERS)
Drew Brees 112 (TODD)
Marcus Mariota 72 (SNEEN)
Kirk Cousins 65 (ZURAWSKI)
Eli Manning 29 (SNEEN)
RB
DeMarco Murray 237 (ASCHEBROOK)
Lamar Miller 179 (SNEEN)
Todd Gurley 168 (TODD)
Duke Johnson Jr. 103 (MOON)
Matt Forte 102 (SWANSON)
Frank Gore 101 (ZURAWSKI)
Christine Michael 90 (SNEEN)
Mark Ingram 87 (ASCHEBROOK)
Jonathan Stewart 74 (MOON)
DeAngelo Williams 64 (ASCHEBROOK)
Doug Martin 63 (WALTERS)
Giovani Bernard 37 (SNEEN)
Jeremy Hill 34 (ZURAWSKI)
Devontae Booker 30 (TODD)
Ryan Mathews 14 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Jamaal Charles 12 (TODD)
Matt Asiata 9 (WALTERS)
DeAndre Washington 9 (TODD)
WR
Mike Evans 279 (ASCHEBROOK)
Julio Jones 232 (ASCHEBROOK)
Larry Fitzgerald 225 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
A.J. Green 167 (SWANSON)
Dez Bryant 159 (SNEEN)
DeAndre Hopkins 155 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Amari Cooper 142 (MOON)
Emmanuel Sanders 121 (TODD/ZURAWSKI)
Brandon Marshall 114 (ZURAWSKI)
Willie Snead 104 (SNEEN)
Alshon Jeffery 89 (SWANSON)
DeSean Jackson 70 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)
Marvin Jones 53 (MOON)
Kelvin Benjamin 45 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI)
Eric Decker 39 (SNEEN)
Jamison Crowder 38 (TODD)
Randall Cobb 37 (TODD/WALTERS)
Travis Benjamin 36 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Keenan Allen 12 (ZURAWSKI)
TE
Greg Olsen 196 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Delanie Walker 174 (TODD)
Jordan Reed 151 (SNEEN)
Rob Gronkowski 94 (ZURAWSKI)
Martellus Bennett 59 (SWANSON)
Julius Thomas 53 (MOON)
Eric Ebron 40 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI/TODD)
Coby Fleener 38 (SNEEN)
Dennis Pitta 26 (ASCHEBROOK)
Zach Miller 14 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)
Kyle Rudolph 10 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Cameron Brate 8 (ZURAWSKI)
K
Adam Vinatieri 120 (ZURAWSKI)
Brandon McManus 91 (TODD)
Matt Prater 71 (WALTERS)
Minnesota Vikings 90 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK)
Arizona Cardinals 58 (ASCHEBROOK)
Houston Texans 58 (WALTERS/SNEEN)
New York Giants 53 (ZURAWSKI/SNEEN/WALTERS)
Kansas City Chiefs 33 (MOON)
Pittsburgh Steelers 33 (TODD)
Tennessee Titans 6 (SWANSON)
Indianapolis Colts 2 (SNEEN)
SNEEN MACHINE 7-9
Team Swanson 7-9
The NFL playoffs are basically set and that's nice and all but, the largest event of the football season occurred Monday night in Coleiveland. Cole Walters' shittily named "Fuck The Playoff System" are your semi-official WRBL Champions and we should all simultaneously feel happy for Cole and ashamed of ourselves for letting such an average team (8-8 in the hypothetical standings) go on a run. The Travis Kelce 80-yard touchdown on a screen pass will go down as the WRBL equivalent of David Tyree's helmet catch as both were moments of pure "Oh shit, this might actually happen". At the end of it all, there was no sweeter treat in a week filled with Christmas cookies than watching Cole celebrate his first championship win.
 |
| Cole Walters I fully expect Cole to lose the trophy at some point. |
Besides Antonio Brown, Travis Kelce and Dak Prescott leading a 93-point comeback, there were other matchups in the Bro League this week. Scott FINALLY started Ezekiel Elliott again and still managed to come up ten points short of 3rd place, behind Nick Zurawski. I am honestly more disappointed in Scott's playoff run than my own season. Speaking of my own season, I was not last so that's a cause for one sigh of relief. Unfortunately, Sneen wins the yet-to-exist Bakmoon trophy despite finishing with the same regular season record as our league champion. Moon also won and finished in 5th because why the fuck not? How good was your team in a league where 7-7 was best, 7-7 was worst and 1-14 finished right in the middle? Hate to be a downer but, I think that means we're all just terrible.
Thank you once again to the Aschebrook household on hosting this year's championship weekend. The annual meeting saw many rule changes and other proposals that were shot down either by vote or coin flips. Topics discussed included a set amount of money required for entry next year, a possible BakMoon punishment for the last-place finisher and the future of Evan Moon. I do not recall a single bit of what we decided but, it certainly inspired some interesting ideas to think about before next year's draft. Oh yeah... and Cole Walters almost died but "dreams do come true!" and he survived near impalement from the trophy.
The WRBL Year In Review is coming sometime before the 2017 NFL season and award ballots will be unveiled in the coming days but until then, good luck this offseason and may the NFL postseason work out in your favor. Here are the final standings and your first and second All-Bro Teams...
2nd - Team ChowHounds (Darrin Aschebrook)
3rd - Moon's Microdongs (Nick Zurawski)
4th - Kathy Walters + Scott = Forever (Scott Aschebrook)
5th - Team Moon (Evan Moon)
6th - Team Swanson (Alec Swanson)
7th - TyRod Henke (Andy Todd)
8th - SNEEN MACHINE (Tyler Sneen)
First Team All-Bro
QB - Aaron Rodgers (Darrin Aschebrook)
RB - David Johnson (Nick Zurawski)
RB - Le'Veon Bell (Scott Aschebrook)
WR - Antonio Brown (Cole Walters)
WR - Odell Beckham Jr. (Tyler Sneen)
TE - Travis Kelce (Cole Walters)
FLEX - Mike Evans (Scott Aschebrook)
K - Justin Tucker (Evan Moon/Scott Aschebrook)
D/ST - Denver Broncos (Darrin Aschebrook)
Second Team All-Bro
QB - Tom Brady (Andy Todd)
RB - LeSean McCoy (Darrin Aschebrook)
RB - Devonta Freeman (Darrin Aschebrook)
WR - Brandin Cooks (Cole Walters)
WR - Julio Jones (Scott Aschebrook)
TE - Greg Olsen (Darrin Aschebrook)
FLEX - DeMarco Murray (Scott Aschebrook)
K - Stephen Gostkowski (Tyler Sneen)
D/ST - Carolina Panthers (Alec Swanson)
2016 Scoring Leaders
QB
Aaron Rodgers 331 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Tom Brady 212 (TODD)
Ben Roethlisberger 192 (SWANSON/MOON)
Matt Ryan 150 (ASCHEBROOK)
Andrew Luck 144 (SWANSON/ZURAWSKI)
Matthew Stafford 115 (WALTERS/SNEEN)
Carson Palmer 103 (MOON)
Philip Rivers 100 (ZURAWSKI/WALTERS)
Russell Wilson 78 (SNEEN)
Blake Bortles 44 (WALTERS)
Andy Dalton 15 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Alex Smith 8 (ZURAWSKI)
RB
David Johnson 387 (ZURAWSKI)
Le'Veon Bell 306 (ASCHEBROOK)
LeSean McCoy 271 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Devonta Freeman 242 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Melvin Gordon 203 (WALTERS)
Ezekiel Elliott 183 (MOON/ASCHEBROOK)
Jordan Howard 144 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON)
Latavius Murray 117 (SWANSON)
Carlos Hyde 107 (SWANSON/SNEEN)
Jay Ajayi 103 (ZURAWSKI)
C.J. Anderson 96 (WALTERS)
Spencer Ware 95 (TODD/SWANSON)
LeGarrette Blount 89 (SWANSON)
Theo Riddick 89 (SNEEN)
Ty Montgomery 48 (TODD/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Isaiah Crowell 47 (WALTERS)
Thomas Rawls 39 (TODD)
Bilal Powell 35 (WALTERS)
Charles Sims 33 (ZURAWSKI)
Jacquizz Rodgers 29 (TODD)
Ameer Abdullah 25 (TODD)
Ameer Abdullah 25 (TODD)
Darren Sproles 25 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Danny Woodhead 25 (ZURAWSKI)
Eddie Lacy 24 (MOON)
Robert Kelley 16 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Tevin Coleman 21 (WALTERS)
James White 15 (ASCHEBROOK)
Matt Asiata 9 (WALTERS)
DeAndre Washington 9 (TODD)
Charcandrick West 9 (ZURAWSKI)
Rashad Jennings 7 (ZURAWSKI)
Rashad Jennings 7 (ZURAWSKI)
Jeremy Langford 7 (WALTERS)
Adrian Peterson 6 (MOON)
Jerick McKinnon 5 (SNEEN)
Kenneth Farrow 4 (ASCHEBROOK)
Chris Ivory 2 (TODD)
Kenneth Farrow 4 (ASCHEBROOK)
Chris Ivory 2 (TODD)
WR
Antonio Brown 299 (WALTERS)
Odell Beckham Jr. 280 (SNEEN)
Brandin Cooks 233 (WALTERS)
T.Y. Hilton 231 (ZURAWSKI)
Demaryius Thomas 212 (MOON)
Allen Robinson 176 (SWANSON)
Jordy Nelson 162 (TODD)
Doug Baldwin 144 (MOON)
Jarvis Landry 132 (TODD)
Julian Edelman 101 (WALTERS/TODD)
Mike Wallace 84 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Tyrell Williams 81 (SWANSON)
Steve Smith Sr. 56 (SNEEN)
Davante Adams 55 (WALTERS)
Michael Crabtree 52 (ASCHEBROOK)
Golden Tate 47 (WALTERS)
Jordan Matthews 45 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Sterling Shepard 40 (MOON)
Michael Thomas 39 (ASCHEBROOK SR./TODD)
Jeremy Maclin 36 (ASCHEBROOK)
Terrelle Pryor 33 (TODD)
Donte Moncrief 32 (ASCHEBROOK SR./TODD)
Corey Coleman 30 (MOON)
Stefon Diggs 30 (TODD)
Taylor Gabriel 17 (ASCHEBROOK)
Sammy Watkins 14 (ZURAWSKI/TODD)
Pierre Garcon 13 (SNEEN)
Pierre Garcon 13 (SNEEN)
John Brown 10 (SNEEN)
Ted Ginn Jr. 4 (SWANSON)
Quincy Enunwa 3 (SWANSON)
Cameron Meredith 2 (TODD)
TE
Travis Kelce 221 (WALTERS)
Jimmy Graham 104 (ASCHEBROOK)
Hunter Henry 72 (TODD/MOON)
Jason Witten 72 (ASCHEBROOK/WALTERS/SWANSON)
Antonio Gates 54 (ZURAWSKI)
Tyler Eifert 45 (ASCHEBROOK)
Zach Ertz 27 (SNEEN)
Cameron Brate 8 (ZURAWSKI)
Jared Cook 1 (ASCHEBROOK)
K
Justin Tucker 170 (MOON/ASCHEBROOK)
Stephen Gostkowski 126 (SNEEN)
Mason Crosby 107 (ASCHEBROOK/ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Matt Bryant 102 (SWANSON/WALTERS/ZURAWSKI)
Dan Bailey 84 (WALTERS/SNEEN/TODD)
Wil Lutz 72 (MOON)
Graham Gano 45 (SWANSON)
Steven Hauschka 42 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Dustin Hopkins 34 (ASCHEBROOK)
Cairo Santos 32 (SWANSON)
Josh Lambo 7 (WALTERS)
DF
Denver Broncos 132 (ASCHEBROOK SR.)
Carolina Panthers 98 (SWANSON)
Baltimore Ravens 82 (MOON)
New England Patriots 64 (SNEEN/WALTERS/ZURAWSKI)
Seattle Seahawks 56 (ASCHEBROOK)
Cincinnati Bengals 42 (ZURAWSKI/SWANSON/WALTERS)
Green Bay Packers 34 (SNEEN/WALTERS)
Miami Dolphins 33 (WALTERS/ZURAWSKI)
Atlanta Falcons 26 (SNEEN)
Philadelphia Eagles 21 (TODD)
Chicago Bears 17 (ZURAWSKI/WALTERS)
New York Jets 12 (ZURAWSKI)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 12 (SNEEN)
San Diego Chargers 11 (TODD)
Buffalo Bills 10 (ZURAWSKI)
Dallas Cowboys 9 (SNEEN)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 12 (SNEEN)
San Diego Chargers 11 (TODD)
Buffalo Bills 10 (ZURAWSKI)
Dallas Cowboys 9 (SNEEN)
Detroit Lions 7 (TODD)
Final Hypothetical Standings
Kathy Walters + Scott = Forever 13-3
Team ChowHounds 12-4
Moon's Microdongs 9-7
Fuck The Playoff System 8-8
TyRod Henke 6-10
Team Moon 2-14
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