Wisconsin Rapids Bro League
Bro...
I have concepts of a plan for a comeback from my 0-1 beginning. It all starts with not playing Nick Zurawski's Tua Lipa for another six weeks at least. Also from now on, I will be nabbing any backup running backs that are potentially in position to start against me on Monday Night as Jordan "Jonas Gray" Mason came off the 49ers bench to do hurtful things to the Jets run defense and T-O-D-D Todd To Go's chances of an opening week victory. Oh well, you live and you learn I say. Speaking of life, how is everybody? It's been a long time since I've written anything. Remember when journalism was alive and well? I remember going to college with dreams of writing about this, that, and the other thing (Pretty sure each one of those were sports but the concept of a plan never fully developed.) Nowadays, every media outlet I once aspired to work at has been bought out by something bigger and the staffs have been slashed to the point where I really only listen to podcasts featuring writers I once read (still occasionally finding their pieces that speak to my niche interests) throughout my overnight shifts and I definitely don't see that as having positive influence on whatever writing I'm still doing every fall and winter. Don't even get me started on spring and summer as the NBA and MLB seasons are too long to get me worked up enough to put virtual pen to paper on anything besides a mock draft every other year. Remember when I had a podcast way back in 2011? Yeah, neither does anybody else! It lasted all of three episodes between guest co-hosting spots on multiple other internet radio broadcasts (You bet we did that shit live and unrehearsed!) and somewhere out there in the ether, it still exists probably despite the toxicity that existed behind the scenes. I find myself reflecting on whether the time spent on All Digital Radio was a positive or not in the long haul as it certainly stripped my potential sleep schedule back when I was still in high school and I should have latched on to something more realistic for interests. One night, I even fired up the old group chat after years of absence, asked how some of the more upstanding of the old crew were doing and got a response from the sea captain that sang my magnificent theme song back in the day...
(I'm doing) Fair ta' Middlin' . College football just started. I'm already bored. WNBA is kind of joyless. Waitin' for the Reese girl to throw a shoe so maybe she shuts her whiny yap. The Clark girl puts me in mind of Margaret Hamilton peddling her funky bicycle and Paige don't start playing for another 2 months!"
What all of that might actually mean is beyond my reading comprehension but, it sounds like the WNBA has arrived. Which is great because I've spent too many years now stuck in the same cycle of NBA stars demanding trades, NFL trying to be king every day of the week, ESPN debate show talking heads and one-way baseball players. Not all of this is going to get fixed overnight but we live in a different world now! Shohei Ohtani exists and is better than any of us had ever imagined! You don't like Stephen A. and find Pat McAfee's shtick tiresome? There are a load of aspiring talking heads out there waiting for your clicks and some of them might actually know a thing or two about what sports they're covering! Middling Drake songs no longer control the charts as there are new kids like Sabrina Carpenter on the block! It has never been more Joe-ver and I am happy to move forward into our second decade of Bro League action as we have now firmly established a keeper rule of one per team. The round in which said keeper was selected will be the sacrificed round in that next year's draft. For example, if somebody took Blake "Mystery Box" Corum in the 17th round this year (Did I do that?) and decided that he was worth keeping into 2025, I would have to give up my 16th in next year's draft, moving a round up for each year that I decided to protect him from you other filthy vultures. Speaking of vultures and things we can put in the past, Kanye West. On to Week One!...
Pictured here: Mr. Gawlitta showing up to Cole's wedding.
Congratulatory congratulating of congratulations are also due for Brett on his engagement, though Cole's 61-point demolishing of Caleb Williams Nail Polish really earned Cole the right to my advice. Brett doesn't need my advice, just keep doing whatever you're doing and we'll all have better fantasy football seasons for it. Gabe started out Monday Night Football losing to Hoefs' Live.Laugh.Cook. by four points. Stoltzya's Electric Orcas ended up winning by four thanks to the Jets defense giving up enough yards and points without Haason Reddick (holding out) to the 49ers' well-oiled machine of an offense that New York's D went from the automatic 10 points a defense earns by not doing anything to a wimpy two points that put them in a three-way tie for weakest defensive showing of kickoff weekend in the WRBL. These two figure to be in contention all year long but, the injury to TE David Njoku plus lingering concerns about QB Joe Burrow's wrist and the effect it'll have on teammate WR Ja'Marr Chase's value has already put a cap on Nathaniel's potential this fantasy season. Plus, I see RB Kenneth Walker is questionable for week 2 as well. Gee whiz, what supernatural forces did Hoefs piss off in 2024? Is it the same ones that the Dodgers triggered that made all of their starting rotation's arms fall apart?
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| This was screen-grabbed last week. Yamamoto has since returned to limited innings. |
The most dramatic of all finals coming down the wire was Alec, the Tax Paying Homeowner losing to Sparky's Dad Weights and Protein Shakes where despite the 49ers' 32-19 drubbing of the Jets on MNF, San Francisco QB Brock Purdy was held to zero touchdowns and was 7th of our 8 QBs in scoring, putting up just 10.34 for Alec with RB Jordan Mason and WR Deebo Samuel getting the goal-line carries over Cousin Sal's dopple-ganger getting any QB sneaks. Alec should be just fine despite the tumult that has hit his WR room with Tyreek Hill being detained, released and then dropping the 2nd-highest scoring game from a wideout in week one along with Puka Nacua hitting the dreaded four-week IR. It's much easier to rebuild in an eight-team league where the waiver wire is available at all times (unlike my TD-only league entering it's 45th season) and hell, maybe Tank Dell will just keep getting healthier and more explosive the further removed he is from his own off-field incident this offseason (he was shot) along with his recovery from a 2023 fractured fibula. Speaking of recovering from injuries and headaches, even I was happy to see Aaron Rodgers back on the field this weekend. His style of play is one of the most visually pleasing I've ever seen under center, even if it is a bit jarring to see him wearing THAT shade of green, the #8 and that crazed look in his eye from somebody that's seen some weird shit and will not be silenced about it.
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| We. Are. So. BACK. |
One more week technically left on this Brat Summer before the green turns to shades of yellow, orange and red and our lives are even further engulfed in football, flannels and pumpkin spice. A quick note that I have marked the four games in the noon window that I would most ideally place in the NFL Sunday Ticket's QUADBOX feature (where you can watch four games at once) and hopefully the play in general is a bit more flashy than the conservative dink-and-dunk shit that Bo Nix, Caleb Williams and even Justin Herbert were coached into playing this week one. Our teams need it because scoring was a bit down and at the end of week 2, there is a 99.99% chance of there being two 2-0 teams and two 0-2 teams in the Bro League with the four 0-1s facing off along with the four 1-0s taking each other on. I'd rather these matchups be close yet well played so as to maintain hope for us all as we look to define our tenth season of Bro League action as the greatest to date! (Yes, we're topping the 96-point championship comeback somehow. Mark my words!)
Official WRBL Standings
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| Junfu Han/USA TODAY Hero of the Week: WR Cooper Kupp (Tua Lipa) |
SPARKY v. NICK
