WRBL Week 9, 2023

  Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Our ninth official season of blaming Cole Walters for being an outgoing young adult.

Bro... 

The Trade Deadline passes at 2 AM, Friday morning. I was busy this weekend with my midseason draft for another league (it's complicated) and now I must dedicate half of my energy to defend Taysom Hill as a Tight End on a weekly basis. As a result of this, I missed a ton of NFL action this weekend but I know that the Ravens are better than the Seahawks, Brett Rypien does not belong on an NFL field and Josh Dobbs is now the "Passtronaut". That's a great summary of week 9, 2023 without having to actually discuss the comings and goings of the league at large. Now as for the Bro League? Oh buddy, I was fully invested and can spot the weaknesses from a mile away as we encroach on these final, trade-active hours. Cole being 8-1 and on a 7-game winning streak? That's great but it might be the perfect time to sell high on TE Jake Ferguson, coming off of a 23-point week with Sam LaPorta on bye. Somebody that's in need of a tight end? It might them to do this but, Gabe just lost Dallas Goedert likely for a few games with a broken forearm so there is absolutely a fit there. I'd suggest Jake Ferguson for either the longshot flexability of Drake London or the low-ceiling, up-and-downness of Amari Cooper with limp-wristed DeShaun Watson tossing him the pigskin for the next eight weeks. Again, I don't expect there to be any deals made because we've all proven to be stubborn cowards to this point in the season and I don't expect the final hours of trade season to be where we push through negotiations to agreements. Cole wanted QB Kyler Murray (fresh off IR and inserted onto Lord Pretty Flacco Joey's bench) and/or WR Marquise "Hollywood" Brown and I asked him "What more do you want from me? I gave you Josh Allen and Stefon Diggs for Bijan Robinson. I can't keep bailing you out Cole!". That trade was helping both teams until the Bijan Robinson migraine game shone a light on the fact that he has fewer goal-to-go carries than Spencer, Wisconsin's own Hunter Luepke... Yes, the Cowboys fullback. 

Kevin Jairaj - USA TODAY Sports
Hunter Luepke has as many rushing touchdowns as Bijan Robinson, which is still more than Alexander Mattison somehow?

If Cole doesn't make a move for more FLEX depth, he might have to chugga, chugga, Choo, Chubba Hubbard from here on out. Meanwhile, Nathaniel has won five in a row and scored 105 more points (rounded up) than Cole's division-leading 96ers. That's not the only crazy scoring disparity between Bro League teams right now but, it is the one to focus on this week as the Colieveland 96ers take on LIVE.LAUGH.OLAVE. in the battle for first in the Steven Nett Division. My pick for this matchup should be pretty obvious after Hoefs' bench (121 points) would have beaten five WRBL teams this week, thanks to the crazy depth that has him sitting QB C.J. Stroud, RB Derrick Henry and his team's namesake WR Chris Olave (who has quietly disappeared in the Saints' offense as of late?). It'd be one thing if he had an even lineup of studs but Nate's lineup doesn't even have any obvious needs unless he wanted to piece together a deal for Nick's TE Tracis Kelce (likely not for sale) or Andy's TE Mark Andrews (Are you kidding me? Kyle Pitts also suffers from Arthur Smith Disease, I'm not giving up my TE1 for anything less than A.J. Brown). It's clear to see why things in the trade market have stalled out, especially when the bottom teams (see: Brett, Alec and probably the lone sub-1,000 point owner Gabe) have dropped out of favor so thoroughly and rapidly. Gabe's probably going to send us all offers as soon as I post this. Come to think of it, why am I waiting? It's time to push this pot-stirrer of a deadline preview out! Good luck to all as we watch the battle of the Steven Nett Division and wait and see if Nick's newfound health gives him any fuel in the coming five weeks to catch me in the Shooter McGavin Division.

Official WRBL Standings 

Steven Nett Division

Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 8-1 W7 (1,204.62)

LIVE.LAUGH.OLAVE. (Nathaniel Hoefs) 7-2 W5 (1,309.04)

Dad Weights and Protein Shakes (Jaime Sparkes AKA: Sparky) 4-5 W2 (1,010.58)

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas (Gabe Stoltz) 3-6 L4 (988.3)

Shooter McGavin Division

Lord Pretty Flacco Joey (Andy Todd) 6-3 W3 (1,082.7)

I Have COVID-19 (Nick Zurawski) 4-5 L2 (1,189.84)

Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 2-7 L3 (1,107.4)

Jordan Addison's Dog (Brett Weinfurter) 2-7 L4 (1,051.06)

Week Nine Final Scores

COLE defeats GABE 127.62-118.42

SPARKY defeats NICK 116.7-106.68

ANDY defeats ALEC 127.18-99.74

HOEFS defeats BRETT 131.86-107.18

Heroes of the Week: QB Dak Prescott (Hoefs, 28.36), WR CeeDee Lamb (Sparky, 28.1), RB Rachaad White (Andy, 27.9)

Waiver Wonders: WR Tank Dell (29.6), WR Noah Brown (27.3), DF Indianapolis Colts (25)

Benchwarmers of the Week: QB C.J. Stroud (Hoefs, 41.8) WR Amari Cooper (Gabe, 24.9), WR Diontae Johnson (Hoefs, 22)

Troy Taormina/USA TODAY Sports
Benchwarmer of the Week: QB C.J. Stroud (470 yards, 5 TDs + a 2 pt. conversion)

Upcoming Week 10 Schedule for both WRBL and NFL (in CST)
COLE v. HOEFS

NICK v. ALEC

ANDY v. SPARKY

BRETT v. GABE

Thursday @ 7:15 PM: Carolina @ Chicago

Sunday Morning in Frankfurt, Germany @ 8:30 AM: Indianapolis vs. New England

Sunday @ NOON: San Francisco @ Jacksonville

Houston @ Cincinnati

New Orleans @ Minnesota

Cleveland @ Baltimore

Green Bay @ Pittsburgh

Tennessee @ Tampa Bay

Sunday @ 3:05 PM: Detroit @ LA Chargers

Atlanta @ Arizona

Sunday @ 3:25 PM: Washington @ Seattle

NY Giants @ Dallas

Sunday @ 7:20 PM: NY Jets @ Las Vegas

Monday @ 7:15 PM: Denver @ Buffalo

BYES: Philadelphia Eagles, Miami Dolphins, Kansas City Chiefs, Los Angeles Rams

Scoring Leaders

QB

Josh Allen 210.22 (Cole)

Jalen Hurts 205.48 (Nick)

Patrick Mahomes 171.52 (Sparky)

Lamar Jackson 170.16 (Brett)

Justin Herbert 156.9 (Alec)

Kirk Cousins 104.72 (Gabe)

Trevor Lawrence 102.94 (Andy)

Justin Fields 95.08 (Hoefs)

Dak Prescott 42.72 (Hoefs)

Joe Burrow 40.88 (Gabe)

C.J. Stroud 27.06 (Alec/Hoefs)

Geno Smith 16.44 (Hoefs/Andy)

Brock Purdy 12.78 (Andy)

RB

Christian McCaffrey 200.4 (Alec)

Travis Etienne 163.9 (Cole)

Josh Jacobs 132.8 (Brett)

Bijan Robinson 113.4 (Andy)

Isiah Pacheco 107.1 (Gabe)

Joe Mixon 106.8 (Nick)

Alvin Kamara 103.4 (Hoefs)

Saquon Barkley 99.2 (Gabe)

Tony Pollard 98.1 (Cole)

Rhamondre Stevenson 87.5 (Brett)

Austin Ekeler 86.5 (Gabe)

Kenneth Walker 86.2 (Cole)

Rachaad White 80.9 (Andy)

Jahmyr Gibbs 68.8 (Sparky)

Derrick Henry 67.98 (Hoefs)

Kyren Williams 65.7 (Alec)

Raheem Mostert 65.4 (Hoefs)

Aaron Jones 64.3 (Sparky)

Alexander Mattison 64 (Nick)

Breece Hall 59.7 (Andy)

Jonathan Taylor 54 (Nick)

D'Andre Swift 52.6 (Alec)

James Cook 47.8 (Hoefs)

James Conner 47.4 (Gabe)

D'Onta Foreman 45.9 (Brett)

Zack Moss 27.7 (Sparky)

Jerome Ford 26.9 (Andy)

David Montgomery 25.2 (Brett)

Miles Sanders 23.4 (Nick)

Nick Chubb 23.1 (Nick)

De'Von Achane 21.5 (Nick)

Gus Edwards 17.2 (Alec)

Jaylen Warren 10.9 (Gabe)

Chuba Hubbard 10.7 (Cole)

A.J. Dillon 10.6 (Sparky)

Najee Harris 10.6 (Alec)

Javonte Williams 7.8 (Cole)

Dameon Pierce 6.7 (Hoefs)

Dalvin Cook 4.7 (Sparky)

WR

Tyreek Hill 214.3 (Hoefs)

A.J. Brown 203.5 (Hoefs)

Stefon Diggs 195.4 (Cole)

Keenan Allen 164.56 (Nick)

CeeDee Lamb 158.7 (Sparky)

Amon-Ra St. Brown 139.9 (Andy)

Davante Adams 126.3 (Alec)

Ja'Marr Chase 123.8 (Brett)

Mike Evans 119.4 (Andy)

DeVonta Smith 119.3 (Gabe)

Michael Pittman Jr. 113.6 (Brett)

Jaylen Waddle 111.2 (Cole)

DeAndre Hopkins 109.9 (Sparky)

Justin Jefferson 109.1 (Sparky)

Puka Nacua 107.1 (Nick)

Calvin Ridley 89.6 (Andy)

Chris Olave 75.5 (Hoefs)

Cooper Kupp 67.4 (Nick)

DK Metcalf 56.8 (Alec)

Terry McLaurin 53.5 (Alec)

Adam Thielen 51.6 (Hoefs)

Zay Flowers 49.9 (Gabe)

Deebo Samuel 49.6 (Brett)

Brandon Aiyuk 48.6 (Alec)

Chris Godwin 48.5 (Gabe)

Amari Cooper 33.9 (Gabe)

K.J. Osborn 31.3 (Brett)

Garrett Wilson 30.7 (Brett)

D.J. Moore 29.5 (Alec)

Tyler Lockett 28.9 (Nick)

Jaxon Smith-Njigba 25.1 (Sparky)

Marquise Brown 24 (Andy)

Tee Higgins 23.1 (Cole/Andy)

Christian Kirk 19 (Cole)

Jordan Addison 18.4 (Andy)

Christian Watson 16.7 (Sparky)

Nico Collins 6.9 (Cole)

Kadarius Toney 2.3 (Sparky)

TE

Travis Kelce 140.7 (Nick)

T.J. Hockenson 130.7 (Alec)

Mark Andrews 124.7 (Andy)

Evan Engram 92.4 (Hoefs)

Dallas Goedert 91 (Gabe)

Sam LaPorta 82.6 (Cole)

George Kittle 70.6 (Sparky)

Darren Waller 50.1 (Brett)

David Njoku 40.4 (Brett)

Dalton Kincaid 33.6 (Sparky)

Dalton Schultz 27 (Hoefs)

Jake Ferguson 22.1 (Cole)

Tyler Higbee 7.9 (Nick)

Pat Freiermuth 7.3 (Cole)

Kyle Pitts 6.4 (Andy)

Luke Musgrave 4.5 (Cole)

Zach Ertz 4.2 (Cole)

K

Jake Elliott 91 (Hoefs)

Harrison Butker 84 (Alec)

Justin Tucker 77 (Sparky)

Tyler Bass 66 (Cole)

Younghoe Koo 58 (Andy)

Daniel Carlson 57 (Gabe)

Riley Patterson 54 (Brett)

Evan McPherson 49 (Nick)

Jason Myers 18 (Nick)

Matt Gay 11 (Brett)

Jake Moody 11 (Andy)

Greg Zuerlein 11 (Brett)

DF

Dallas Cowboys 85 (Nick)

Pittsburgh Steelers 77 (Hoefs)

Buffalo Bills 74 (Brett)

New York Jets 59 (Gabe)

San Francisco 49ers 53 (Sparky)

Philadelphia Eagles 44 (Andy)

Miami Dolphins 36 (Alec)

Las Vegas Raiders 33 (Gabe)

Denver Broncos 25 (Cole)

Los Angeles Chargers 24 (Alec)

Minnesota Vikings 20 (Cole)

Jacksonville Jaguars 19 (Cole)

Cleveland Browns 18 (Cole)

Seattle Seahawks 16 (Andy)

New England Patriots 15 (Cole/Sparky)

Atlanta Falcons 14 (Nick)

New Orleans Saints 13 (Andy)

Baltimore Ravens 11 (Hoefs)

Washington Commanders 9 (Nick)

Green Bay Packers 1 (Alec)

Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, no divisions)

Live.Laugh.Olave. 8-1

Colieveland 96ers 8-1

I Had COVID-19 6-3

Tax Paying Homeowner 5-4

Lord Pretty Flacco Joey 3-6

Jordan Addison's Dog 3-6

Dad Weights And Protein Shakes 2-7

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas 1-8

WRBL Week 8, 2023

  Wisconsin Rapids Bro League

Our ninth official season of blaming Cole Walters for Mike McDaniel dressing up as Cole Walters since he got the Dolphins' job.

Bro... 

Good news everyone! I beat the COVID-19 out of Nick Zurawski this week. The timeline might seem a bit cloudy but just trust me, his 2.02-point loss to Lord Pretty Flacco Joey this week was enough to make him cry, replenish those fluids and welcome him back to the outside universe for the rest of the 2023-24 season. We're all happy to hear Nick's recovered and now the only sympathy we might feel is for the two 2-6s of the Shooter McGavin division that is only shooting blanks halfway through the year. Speaking of blanks, the trade deadline should be the perfect time for both Alec (Tax Paying Homeowner) and Brett (Jordan Addison's Dog) to do literally anything as the deadline for all deals approaches next Friday, the 10th at 2 AM CST. A friendly reminder to the two zero-time champions that the Bro League does not have a playoff committee or a play-in tournament or whatever an in-season tournament is. No, our regular season records are the end-all, be-all until week 15 when ESPN botches our playoff seeding (ONLY FOUR PLAYOFF TEAMS, NOT SIX) and the WRBL postseason begins. So far the only trade rumor is that Cole Walters is looking to beef up his team's depth as he continues hulking out over a 6-game winning streak. Stoltzya's Electric Orcas are this week's vic--I mean, opponent for the 96ers and with zero players on bye in comparison to Cole's five? Well, the opportunity is there even though Cole's strongest missing men will be TE Sam LaPorta and current WRBL RB2 Travis Etienne. LIVE.LAUGH.OLAVE. have also gone on a stretch hotter than the sand on Miami beach in the summertime, winning four in a row leading into this week's matchup versus 2-6 Brett. Somebody poke Brett with a stick, it's time for hi to do something now that I've finally passed him in scoring (The difference in points scored and the hypothetical standings are both absolutely wild this year, Gabe is hypothetically 0-8!).

Peaking at the NFL standings, every talking head in America is recycling the same topic, sifting through the seven or eight teams that are serious contenders (Baltimore, Miami, Kansas City, Jacksonville, Philadelphia, Dallas, Detroit and San Francisco plus maybe Buffalo?), trying to figure out who is the most "real". This week, we've got a boatload of games built for primetime and Titans-Steelers (meh) on Thursday Night Football. Next week will be the week to observe the good teams and see what we can take away from Sunday morning's Dolphin-Chief game or Sunday afternoon's Seahawk-Raven game or the annual national Cowboy-Eagle game OR Sunday Night's Bills-Bengals game. After all of that, we still get to sit on the edge of our seats for Monday Night Footall: Chargers vs. Jets, a sneaky possible last call for LA Head Coach Brandon Staley. Instead of looking at all of those teams, I'd like to focus on a few teams that have turned their eyes toward 2024 already. The Raiders made the move they needed to make this week when they fired head coach Josh McDaniels, surprised me with the move to can GM Dave Ziegler after a pretty mediocre 18 months of decision-making and also booted OC Mick Lombardi. Perhaps, they'll experience an immediate rejuvenation as a whole with interim HC Antonio Pierce and the weakling New York Giants in town. Perhaps these were the moves needed to stoke Vegas's eternal flame or maybe benching Jimmy Garoppolo after a 3-5 start for rookie QB Aidan O'Connell wasn't a shrewd business decision. Only time will tell but I must say that Panthers HC Frank Reich handing over play-calling duties to OC Thomas Brown did help the Carolina offense in an upset win over Houston, even if the final result may not have screamed "offensive revolution" (a 15-13 Carolina win, their first of the season). 

Rusty Jones/AP
Bryce Young had not lived up to expectations until he took down Texan QB and #2 overall pick C.J. Stroud on Sunday.

One team that does not need to make any rash decisions despite an ugly 2-5 start are the Green Bay Packers. Barring multiple touchdownless games in a row, this team is struggling in both ways we should have all seen coming (a historically young offense with no reliable pass-catchers outside of WR Romeo Doubs) and at least one way I certainly did not see coming... the offensive line is the worst I've seen since at least Aaron Rodgers' first season as the starter, 2008. Losing OT David Bakhtiari was a predictable unfortunate event that they have no excuse being this unprepared for, especially when the defense has actually been solid for the most part. Maybe this is it for Matt LaFleur and QB Jordan Love ends up being a one-and-done but, things could also even out. Just look at the Denver Broncos, a much different-feeling 3-5 in comparison to the Raiders' 3-5 record. QB Russell Wilson was dead and buried in the national eye after a horrendous fall in play in 2022 and to start 2023, HC Sean Payton has not gotten enough credit for turning a messy offense into a respectable one where Russell Wilson has a better TD:INT ratio (16:4) than MVP-candidate Patrick Mahomes (15:8). Don't get me wrong, Mahomes laps Wilson in the eye-test but, Russ is kind of back and with each day that passes, I demand answers for why Atlanta would not even pick up a phone and call Denver about him. The Broncos headlining failure to start 2023 was the defense, plugging in veterans that they abandoned at record speed (See ya, Frank Clark and Randy Gregory!) after suffering through awful blowouts with multiple other defenders missing time due to injury. Now? they've gotten healthier and straightened things out a bit (aided by a game versus Green Bay and an ailing Mahomes). Is the wildcard in their future? Probably not but, I'm not betting on any of the non-division leaders outside of Buffalo and Cincinnati to keep their ducks in a row.

One final note, congratulations to the Texas Rangers on getting their WINS in a row on the road of all places! Setting an MLB record ELEVEN consecutive road wins and defeating the Arizona Diamondbacks four games to one. Corey Seager, welcome to the Hall of Fame. Bruce Bochy, GOAT? and may the Shohei Ohtani sweepstakes begin! 

Official WRBL Standings 

Steven Nett Division

Colieveland 96ers (Cole Walters) 7-1 W6 (1,077)

LIVE.LAUGH.OLAVE. (Nathaniel Hoefs) 6-2 W4 (1,177.18)

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas (Gabe Stoltz) 3-5 L3 (869.88)

Dad Weights and Protein Shakes (Jaime Sparkes AKA: Sparky) 3-5 W1 (893.92)

Shooter McGavin Division

Lord Pretty Flacco Joey (Andy Todd) 5-3 W2 (955.52)

I Have COVID-19 (Nick Zurawski) 4-4 L1 (1,083.16)

Tax Paying Homeowner (Alec Swanson) 2-6 L2 (1,007.66)

Jordan Addison's Dog (Brett Weinfurter) 2-6 L3 (943.88)

Week Eight Final Scores

ANDY defeats NICK 120.18-118.16

SPARKY defeats ALEC 154.74-134.92

COLE defeats BRETT 146.26-98.68

HOEFS defeats GABE 159.7-118.06

Heroes of the Week: WR CeeDee Lamb (Sparky, 41), WR DeAndre Hopkins (Sparky, 34.8), WR A.J. Brown (Hoefs, 33)

Waiver Wonders: QB Sam Howell (30.98), RB Gus Edwards (29.4), QB Will Levis (26.62)

Benchwarmers of the Week: QB Dak Prescott (Hoefs, 28.06), QB Joe Burrow (Gabe, 27.62), WR Ja'Marr Chase (Brett, 25.2)

Christopher Hanewinckel - USA TODAY Sports
Hero of the Week: WR DeAndre Hopkins (Dad Weights And Protein Shakes)

Upcoming Week 9 Schedule for both WRBL and NFL (in CST)
NICK v. SPARKY

COLE v. GABE

ALEC v. ANDY

HOEFS v. BRETT

Thursday @ 7:15 PM: Tennessee @ Pittsburgh

Sunday Morning in Frankfurt, Germany @ 8:30 AM: Miami v. Kansas City

Sunday @ NOON: Seattle @ Baltimore

LA Rams @ Green Bay

Tampa Bay @ Houston

Minnesota @ Atlanta

Chicago @ New Orleans

Arizona @ Cleveland

Washington @ New England

Sunday @ 3:05 PM: Indianapolis @ Carolina

Sunday @ 3:25 PM: Dallas @ Philadelphia

NY Giants @ Las Vegas

Sunday @ 7:20 PM: Buffalo @ Cincinnati

Monday @ 7:15 PM: LA Chargers @ NY Jets

BYES: San Francisco 49ers, Jacksonville Jaguars, Detroit Lions and Denver Broncos

Scoring Leaders

QB

Josh Allen 185.5 (Cole)

Jalen Hurts 179.6 (Nick)

Lamar Jackson 158.68 (Brett)

Patrick Mahomes 155.72 (Sparky)

Justin Herbert 149.76 (Alec)

Kirk Cousins 104.72 (Gabe)

Trevor Lawrence 102.94 (Andy)

Justin Fields 95.08 (Hoefs)

C.J. Stroud 27.06 (Alec/Hoefs)

Joe Burrow 18.56 (Gabe)

Dak Prescott 14.36 (Hoefs)

Geno Smith 13.76 (Hoefs)

Brock Purdy 12.78 (Andy)

RB

Christian McCaffrey 200.4 (Alec)

Travis Etienne 163.9 (Cole)

Josh Jacobs 111 (Brett)

Bijan Robinson 107.5 (Andy)

Isiah Pacheco 100.5 (Gabe)

Tony Pollard 98.1 (Cole)

Alvin Kamara 92.4 (Hoefs)

Joe Mixon 89 (Nick)

Saquon Barkley 84.9 (Gabe)

Kenneth Walker 83.5 (Cole)

Jahmyr Gibbs 68.8 (Sparky)

Derrick Henry 67.98 (Hoefs)

Kyren Williams 65.7 (Alec)

Austin Ekeler 65.5 (Gabe)

Rhamondre Stevenson 64.6 (Brett)

Alexander Mattison 64 (Nick)

Rachaad White 53 (Andy)

Raheem Mostert 50.9 (Hoefs)

Breece Hall 49.7 (Andy)

James Cook 47.8 (Hoefs)

James Conner 47.4 (Gabe)

Aaron Jones 46.4 (Sparky)

D'Andre Swift 42.7 (Alec)

D'Onta Foreman 37.6 (Brett)

Jonathan Taylor 36.1 (Nick)

Jerome Ford 26.9 (Andy)

David Montgomery 25.2 (Brett)

Zack Moss 25.1 (Sparky)

Miles Sanders 23.4 (Nick)

Nick Chubb 23.1 (Nick)

De'Von Achane 21.5 (Nick)

Jaylen Warren 10.9 (Gabe)

A.J. Dillon 10.6 (Sparky)

Najee Harris 10.6 (Alec)

Javonte Williams 7.8 (Cole)

Dameon Pierce 6.7 (Hoefs)

Dalvin Cook 4.7 (Sparky)

WR

Tyreek Hill 201.8 (Hoefs)

A.J. Brown 183.9 (Hoefs)

Stefon Diggs 172.8 (Cole)

Keenan Allen 148.86 (Nick)

Amon-Ra St. Brown 139.9 (Andy)

CeeDee Lamb 130.6 (Sparky)

Ja'Marr Chase 123.8 (Brett)

Davante Adams 118.9 (Alec)

Justin Jefferson 109.1 (Sparky)

Mike Evans 106.7 (Andy)

DeVonta Smith 105.2 (Gabe)

Jaylen Waddle 102.8 (Cole)

Puka Nacua 100.9 (Nick)

DeAndre Hopkins 99.4 (Sparky)

Michael Pittman Jr. 99.2 (Brett)

Calvin Ridley 89.6 (Andy)

Chris Olave 75.5 (Hoefs)

Cooper Kupp 60.6 (Nick)

DK Metcalf 56.8 (Alec)

Deebo Samuel 49.6 (Brett)

Brandon Aiyuk 48.6 (Alec)

Chris Godwin 48.5 (Gabe)

Zay Flowers 47.8 (Gabe)

Adam Thielen 43.7 (Hoefs)

Terry McLaurin 41.2 (Alec)

Amari Cooper 33.9 (Gabe)

Garrett Wilson 30.7 (Brett)

Tyler Lockett 28.9 (Nick)

K.J. Osborn 27.6 (Brett)

Jaxon Smith-Njigba 25.1 (Sparky)

D.J. Moore 24.1 (Alec)

Marquise Brown 24 (Andy)

Christian Kirk 19 (Cole)

Jordan Addison 18.4 (Andy)

Christian Watson 12 (Sparky)

Nico Collins 6.9 (Cole)

Tee Higgins 4.1 (Cole)

Kadarius Toney 2.3 (Sparky)

TE

Travis Kelce 136.3 (Nick)

T.J. Hockenson 116.8 (Alec)

Mark Andrews 107.7 (Andy)

Evan Engram 92.4 (Hoefs)

Dallas Goedert 83 (Gabe)

Sam LaPorta 82.6 (Cole)

George Kittle 70.6 (Sparky)

Darren Waller 50.1 (Brett)

David Njoku 27.8 (Brett)

Dalton Kincaid 17.5 (Sparky)

Tyler Higbee 7.9 (Nick)

Pat Freiermuth 7.3 (Cole)

Kyle Pitts 6.4 (Andy)

Luke Musgrave 4.5 (Cole)

Zach Ertz 4.2 (Cole)

K

Jake Elliott 87 (Hoefs)

Harrison Butker 81 (Alec)

Justin Tucker 63 (Sparky)

Tyler Bass 62 (Cole)

Riley Patterson 54 (Brett)

Evan McPherson 49 (Nick)

Daniel Carlson 43 (Gabe)

Younghoe Koo 39 (Andy)

Jason Myers 15 (Nick)

Jake Moody 11 (Andy)

Greg Zuerlein 11 (Brett)

DF

Dallas Cowboys 85 (Nick)

Buffalo Bills 73 (Brett)

Pittsburgh Steelers 70 (Hoefs)

New York Jets 59 (Gabe)

San Francisco 49ers 53 (Sparky)

Philadelphia Eagles 44 (Andy)

Miami Dolphins 36 (Alec)

Denver Broncos 25 (Cole)

Minnesota Vikings 20 (Cole)

Jacksonville Jaguars 19 (Cole)

Las Vegas Raiders 17 (Gabe)

Seattle Seahawks 16 (Andy)

Baltimore Ravens 11 (Hoefs)

Washington Commanders 9 (Nick)

New England Patriots 8 (Cole)

Atlanta Falcons 5 (Nick)

Green Bay Packers 1 (Alec)

Hypothetical Standings (Top 4 scorers win, bottom 4 lose, no divisions)

Live.Laugh.Olave. 7-1

Colieveland 96ers 7-1

I Had COVID-19 6-2

Tax Paying Homeowner 5-3

Jordan Addison's Dog 3-5

Lord Pretty Flacco Joey 2-6

Dad Weights And Protein Shakes 2-6

Stoltzya's Electric Orcas 0-8