Monday, September 7, 2015

My Top 250 in 2015 Fantasy Football

I apologize for this being a full weekend later than I wanted to originally post this.

Let's get right into it and not waste any time with a feel-good or feel-bad story about society like last season...

All rankings are according to the rules of ESPN Standard Leagues (the most popular fantasy football website).

This is how each player will be laid out: PositionRank Name, team (bye week)

Also, Adrian Peterson will not be acknowledged at all.

1. RB1 Le'Veon Bell, Steelers (11)
2. RB2 Eddie Lacy, Packers (7)
3. RB3 Jamaal Charles, Chiefs (9)
4. WR1 Antonio Brown, Steelers (11)
5. RB4 Marshawn Lynch, Seahawks (9)
6. RB5 Matt Forte', Bears (7)
7. TE1 Rob Gronkowski, Patriots (4)
8. WR2 Dez Bryant, Cowboys (6)
9. RB6 C.J. Anderson, Broncos (7)
10. RB7 DeMarco Murray, Eagles (8)
11. WR3 Julio Jones, Falcons (10)
12. QB1 Andrew Luck, Colts (10)
13. RB8 LeSean McCoy, Bills (8)
14. QB2 Aaron Rodgers, Packers (7)
15. RB9 Jeremy Hill, Bengals (7)
16. WR4 Calvin Johnson, Lions (9)
17. WR5 Demaryius Thomas, Broncos (7)
18. WR6 Odell Beckham Jr., Giants (11)
19. RB10 Alfred Morris, Washington (8)
20. WR7 A.J. Green, Bengals (7)
21. WR8 Alshon Jeffery, Bears (7)
22. TE2 Greg Olsen, Panthers (5)
23. RB11 Lamar Miller, Dolphins (5)
24. RB12 Justin Forsett, Ravens (9)
25. RB13 Carlos Hyde, 49ers (10)
26. WR9 Brandin Cooks, Saints (11)
27. RB14 Mark Ingram, Saints (11)
28. QB3 Russell Wilson, Seahawks (9)
29. WR10 Randall Cobb, Packers (7)
30. TE3 Jimmy Graham, Seahawks (9)
31. WR11 Mike Evans, Buccaneers (6)
32. WR12 T.Y. Hilton, Colts (10)
33. WR13 Jordan Matthews, Eagles (8)
34. RB15 Todd Gurley, Rams (6)
35. QB4 Drew Brees, Saints (11)
36. QB5 Peyton Manning, Broncos (7)
37. RB16 Frank Gore, Colts (10)
38. WR14 Emmanuel Sanders, Broncos (7)
39. QB6  Tom Brady, Patriots (4)
40. RB17 Jonathan Stewart, Panthers (5)
41. WR15 Golden Tate, Lions (9)
42. TE4 Travis Kelce, Chiefs (9)
43. RB18 Melvin Gordon, Chargers (10)
44. WR16 DeAndre Hopkins, Texans (9)
45. RB19 Ameer Abdullah, Lions (9)
46. WR17 Vincent Jackson, Buccaneers (6)
47. RB20 T.J. Yeldon, Jaguars (8)
48. RB21 Latavius Murray, Raiders (6)
49. QB7 Tony Romo, Cowboys (6)
50. RB22 Arian Foster, Texans (9)
51. WR18 Julian Edelman, Patriots (4)
52. RB23 Chris Ivory, Jets (5)
53. WR19 Andre Johnson, Colts (10)
54. WR20 DeSean Jackson, Washington (8)
55. WR21 Davante Adams, Packers (7)
56. WR22 Keenan Allen, Chargers (10)
57. QB8 Ben Roethlisberger, Steelers (11)
58. TE5 Martellus Bennett, Bears (7)
59. RB24 Andre Ellington, Cardinals (9)
60. WR23 Jeremy Maclin, Chiefs (9)
61. WR24 Nelson Agholor, Eagles (8)
62. RB25 Joique Bell, Lions (9)
63. WR25 Amari Cooper, Raiders (6)
64. WR26 Jarvis Landry, Dolphins (5)
65. WR27 Sammy Watkins, Bills (8)
66. RB26 LeGarrette Blount, Patriots (4)
67. WR28 Brandon Marshall, Jets (5)
68. WR29 Kendall Wright, Titans (4)
69. QB9 Matt Ryan, Falcons (10)
70. RB27 Rashad Jennings, Giants (11)
71. WR30 Mike Wallace, Vikings (5)
72. RB28 Isaiah Crowell, Browns (11)
73. RB29 Giovani Bernard, Bengals (7)
74. WR31 Martavis Bryant, Steelers (11)
75. WR32 Allen Robinson, Jaguars (8)
76. TE6 Delanie Walker, Titans (4)
77. WR33 Larry Fitzgerald, Cardinals (9)
78. WR34 Steve Smith Sr., Ravens (9)
79. WR35 Marques Coltson, Saints (11)
80. RB30 Christine Michael, Cowboys (6)
81. RB31 Doug Martin, Buccaneers (6)
82. RB32 Ryan Mathews, Eagles (8)
83. WR36 Anquan Boldin, 49ers (10)
84. RB33 C.J. Spiller, Saints (11)
85. RB34 Tevin Coleman, Falcons (10)
86. RB35 Joseph Randle, Cowboys (6)
87. TE7 Antonio Gates, Chargers (10)
88. WR37 Devin Funchess, Panthers (5)
89. QB10 Ryan Tannehill, Dolphins (5)
90. RB36 Bishop Sankey, Titans (4) 
91. WR38 Torrey Smith, 49ers (10)
92. WR39 Eric Decker, Jets (5)
93. RB37 Danny Woodhead, Chargers (10)
94. TE8 Jason Witten, Cowboys (6)
95. WR40 Charles Johnson, Vikings (5)
96. RB38 Duke Johnson Jr., Browns (11)
97. RB39 Tre Mason, Rams (6)
98. RB40 Shane Vereen, Giants (11)
99. QB11 Eli Manning, Giants (11)
100. WR41 Pierre Garcon, Washington (8)
101. WR42 Roddy White, Falcons (10)
102. QB12 Cam Newton, Panthers (5)
103. RB41 Alfred Blue, Texans (9)
104. TE9 Zach Ertz, Eagles (8)
105. QB13 Matthew Stafford, Lions (9)
106. QB14 Philip Rivers, Chargers (10)
107. DF1 Seattle Seahawks (9)
108. RB42 Charles Sims, Buccaneers (6)
109. WR43 Phillip Dorsett, Colts (10)
110. RB43 Devonta Freeman, Falcons (10)
111. TE10 Julius Thomas, Jaguars (8)
112. WR44 Michael Floyd, Cardinals (9)
113. WR45 Eddie Royal, Bears (7)
114. QB15 Colin Kaepernick, 49ers (10)
115. DF2 Houston Texans (9)
116. WR46 Victor Cruz, Giants (11)
117. WR47 Brian Quick, Rams (6)
118. TE11 Jordan Cameron, Dolphins (5)
119. QB16 Sam Bradford, Eagles (8)
120. DF3 St. Louis Rams (6)
121. RB44 Ronnie Hillman, Broncos (7)
122. RB45 Terrance West, Titans (4)
123. RB46 Denard Robinson, Jaguars (8)
124. RB47 DeAngelo Williams, Steelers (11)
125. QB17 Carson Palmer, Cardinals (9)
126. TE12 Kyle Rudolph, Vikings (5)
127. TE13 Coby Fleener, Colts (10)
128. WR48 John Brown, Cardinals (9)
129. WR49 DeVante Parker, Dolphins (5)
130. WR50 Dorial Green-Beckham, Titans (4)
131. RB48 Darren Sproles, Eagles (8)
132. RB49 Knile Davis, Chiefs (9)
133. WR51 Cody Latimer, Broncos (7)
134. WR52 Terrance Williams, Cowboys (6)
135. WR53 Tyler Lockett, Seahawks (9)
136. WR54 Markus Wheaton, Steelers (11)
137. TE14 Dwayne Allen, Colts (10)
138. RB50 Matt Jones, Washington (8)
139. WR55 Marvin Jones, Bengals (7)
140. DF4 Buffalo Bills (8) 
141. DF5 Miami Dolphins (5)
142. DF6 Philadelphia Eagles (8)
143. DF7 Baltimore Ravens (9)
144. DF8 Arizona Cardinals (9)
145. DF9 Green Bay Packers (7)
146. DF10 New York Jets (5)
147. QB18 Teddy Bridgewater, Vikings (5)
148. RB51 Andre Williams, Giants (11)
149. TE15 Larry Donnell, Giants (11)
150. RB52 Josh Robinson, Colts (10)
151. PK1 Stephen Gostkowski, Patriots (4)
152. PK2 Adam Vinatieri, Colts (10)
153. PK3 Justin Tucker, Ravens (9)
154. PK4 Steven Hauschka, Seahawks (9)
155. PK5 Dan Bailey, Cowboys (6)
156. PK6 Mason Crosby, Packers (7)
157. PK7 Matt Prater, Lions (9)
158. PK8 Brandon McManus, Broncos (7)
159. PK9 Matt Bryant, Falcons (10)
160. PK10 Chandler Catanzaro, Cardinals (9)
161. TE16 Owen Daniels, Broncos (7)
162. RB53 Cameron Artis-Payne, Panthers (5)
163. RB54 David Johnson, Cardinals (9)
164. RB55 Roy Helu Jr., Raiders (6)
165. RB56 Matt Asiata, Vikings (5)
166. RB57 Darren McFadden, Cowboys (6)
167. WR56 Marqise Lee, Jaguars (8)
168. WR57 Malcom Floyd, Chargers (10)
169. RB58 Reggie Bush, 49ers (10)
170. TE17 Charles Clay, Bills (8)
171. WR58 Kenny Stills, Dolphins (5)
172. WR59 Breshad Perriman, Ravens (9)
173. WR60 Doug Baldwin, Seahawks (9)
174. RB59 Fred Jackson, Seahawks (9)
175. RB60 Jerick McKinnon, Vikings (5)
176. QB19 Marcus Mariota, Titans (4)
177. WR61 Brandon Coleman, Saints (11)
178. WR62 Stevie Johnson, Chargers (10)
179. WR63 James Jones, Packers (7)
180. RB61 Lorenzo Taliaferro, Ravens (9)
181. QB20 Joe Flacco, Ravens (9)
182. WR64 Donte Moncrief, Colts (10)
183. WR65 Michael Crabtree, Raiders (6)
184. QB21 Alex Smith, Chiefs (9)
185. DF11 Kansas City Chiefs (9)
186. DF12 Denver Broncos (7)
187. QB22 Andy Dalton, Bengals (7)
188. WR66 Cordarrelle Patterson, Vikings (5)
189. RB62 Khiry Robinson, Saints (11)
190. PK11 Cody Parkey, Eagles (8)
191. PK12 Phil Dawson, 49ers (10)
192. WR67 Cecil Shorts, Texans (9)
193. RB63 Branden Oliver, Chargers (10)
194. RB64 Dion Lewis, Patriots (4)
195. RB65 James Starks, Packers (7)
196. WR68 Percy Harvin, Bills (8)
197. WR69 Rueben Randle, Giants (11)
198. WR70 Leonard Hankerson, Falcons (10)
199. DF13 Cleveland Browns (11)
200. QB23 Jay Cutlers, Bears (7)
201. RB66 Jeremy Langford, Bears (7)
202. RB67 Chris Polk, Texans (9)
203. WR71 Harry Douglas, Titans (4)
204. WR72 Brandon LaFell, Patriots (4)
205. WR73 Jaelen Strong, Texans (9)
206. TE18 Vernon Davis, 49ers (10)
207. QB24 Blake Bortles, Jaguars (8)
208. WR74 Corey "Philly" Brown, Panthers (5)
209. WR75 Jerricho Cotchery, Panthers (5)
210. RB68 Karlos Williams, Bills (8)
211. RB69 Theo Riddick, Lions (9)
212. WR76 Kenny Britt, Rams (6)
213. WR77 Allen Hurns, Jaguars (8)
214. RB70 Chris Johnson, Cardinals (9)
215. DF14 Carolina Panthers (5)
216. RB71 Brandon Bolden, Patriots (4)
217. WR78 Marquess Wilson, Bears (7)
218. WR79 Cole Beasley, Cowboys (6)
219. RB72 Bilal Powell, Jets (5)
220. RB73 Anthony "Boobie" Dixon, Bills (8)
221. TE19 Austin Seferian-Jenkins, Buccaneers (6)
222. WR80 Danny Amendola, Patriots (4)
223. RB74 Damien Williams, Dolphins (5)
224. WR81 Mohamed Sanu, Bengals (7)
225. WR82 Greg Jennings, Dolphins (5)
226. WR83 Justin Hunter, Titans (4)
227. RB75 Javorius "Buck" Allen, Ravens (9)
228. TE20 Heath Miller, Steelers (11)
229. WR84 Jarius Wright, Vikings (5)
230. RB76 Lance Dunbar, Cowboys (6)
231. QB25 Derek Carr, Raiders (6)
232. RB77 Jacquizz Rodgers, Bears (7)
233. RB78 Bobby Rainey, Buccaneers (6)
234. RB79 James White, Patriots (4)
235. TE21 Tyler Eifert, Bengals (7)
236. WR85 Sammie Coates, Steelers (11)
237. QB26 Jameis Winston, Buccaneers (6)
238. WR86 Brian Hartline, Browns (11)
239. RB80 Zac Stacy, Jets (5)
240. TE22 Jordan Reed, Washington (8)
241. WR87 Andrew Hawkins, Browns (11)
242. WR88 Taylor Gabriel, Browns (11)
243. WR89 Robert Woods, Bills (8)
244. WR90 Dwayne Bowe, Browns (11)
245. WR91 Josh Huff, Eagles (8)
246. WR92 Jeremy Kerley, Jets (5)
247. RB81 Mike Tolbert, Panthers (5)
248. TE23 Maxx Williams, Ravens (9)
249. QB27 Tyrod Taylor, Bills (8)
250. RB82 David Cobb, Titans (4)

I am considerably higher on TE Delanie Walker (above) and the Titans in general for fantasy purposes than most experts.

Here are some other unranked sleepers who I believe will make an impact at some point, but it's such a long-shot that they'll be fantasy relevant that you should only keep your eyes peeled on whether or not they do breakout (and if they do, pick them up immediately).

RB Thomas Rawls (Seattle)
WR Chris Harper (New England)
WR Albert Wilson (Kansas City)
TE Jacob Tamme (Atlanta)
WR Justin Hardy (Atlanta)

Best of luck and may your last-minute fantasy drafts work out in your favor! (unless you are in a league with me).

Thursday, September 3, 2015

Preaseason Overreactions: Week 3!

There's only one jam-packed Thursday of preseason "action" left. After that day of games, Saturday at 3 PM CT is the deadline for teams to cut down to 53-man rosters. Once those 22 last-minute cuts are made, everyone will rush to do their fantasy football drafts. This can mean only one thing: Andy Todd's Official Fantasy Football Rankings are coming up instead of a fourth week of preseason overreactions. Let's not worry about that for now, here are week 3's results with overreactions.


AP Photo/Jeff Chiu
Navorro Bowman is back!
Patriots defeat Panthers 17-16
A man named Philly drops everything as Carolina's receiving woes reach critical mass.

Which starter looked the best?: Fantasy-wise? Greg Olsen X 1,000,000 (he got 9 targets, 6 catches and 51 yards in less than a half of football. DRAFT THIS MAN). Football-wise? Last season's Patriot first-round DE Dominique Easley appears to be ready for his breakout. If his three tackles, two for loss and one sack are any indication, Easley will be huge reason for any success New England has if/when Tom Brady is suspended.

Which starter looked the worst?: Corey "Philly" Brown is supposed to be the #1 receiver (#2 once Devin Funchess gets healthy and figures out the offense) but, his one five-yard catch on seven targets was as clear of a red flag as you are going to get from a wide receiver whom you intend on keeping, let alone starting. Not all of Cam Newton's passes to Brown were perfect but, the amount of drops or catch-able passes he ignored were too high to make him anything more than a return man with the occasional deep target.

Back-up of the Game: Patriots QB Jimmy Garoppolo got rid of his nerves against Green Bay week one and is now ready to start in case Tom Brady's suspension stands as called in the league office. Back-to-back awesome performances have Bostonians feeling cockier than ever as Jimmy G. threw for 126 yards on 13 of 17 passing with a touchdown to preseason-favorite RB Dion Lewis. The GOATroppolo experience is about to take off next year and it might not be in New England if he gets ornery about his playing time (but why would he as long as Brady is winning him rings?).

New England's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: WR Josh Boyce, WR Jonathan Krause, TE Jimmy Mundine, DL Joe Vellano, LB Dekoda Watson

Carolina's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: WR Jarrett Boykin, OT Tony Hills, WR Paul Browning, WR Avius Capers, DE Steve Miller, LB Kevin Reddick, TE Dallas Walker, FB Lee Ward, P Matt Wile, DT Kenneth Horsley, S Robert Lester, WR De'Andre Presley

Biggest Overreaction: Jonathan Stewart looked washed up. Carolina is in for a terrible season, no doubt about it.

Lions defeat Jaguars 22-17
Blake Bortles' shows signs of greatness in a pass-a-thon won by the Lions.

Which starter looked the best?: Lions Linebacker Stephen Tulloch tore his ACL in the dumbest way possible last season. The good news is, despite his past transgression to Lion football, Tulloch appears to be 100% healthy as he seemed to make a cameo on every single play by Jacksonville's offense. Tulloch's ability to follow the ball-carriers led him to eight tackles and a pass deflection in one half of football. He was a top 100 player in the NFL pre-injury and he should be one again now post-injury.

Which starter looked the worst?: Jacksonville Cornerback Dwayne Gratz could not cover anybody on Friday night and even though I do not believe that many of the defenses we saw this weekend gave even 75% effort, Gratz just looked lost against Golden Tate. Gratz needs to perform quickly or else, he risks losing his job to another young talent.

Back-Up of the Game: Zach Zenner did not catch either of his two targets but, the un-drafted Running Back impressed for a third consecutive week with eight carries for 85 yards. If he does not make Detroit's roster (which is probably George Winn's problem now), he should lock up a spot immediately on another team's RB depth chart (New England?).

Detroit's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: WR Ryan Broyles, DE Erik Williams, RB Desmond Martin, TE Deon Butler, CB Jocquel Skinner, WR Vernon Johnson, DT Roy Philon, QB Garrett Gilbert, CB R.J. Stanford, WR Andrew Peacock, LB Justin Cherocci, TE Jacob Maxwell

Jacksonville's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: WR Greg Jenkins, LB Mister Alexander, DE Camaron Beard, OL Cody Booth, CB Tommie Campbell, S Desmond Cooper, DT Eric Crume, WR Tandon Doss, LB Khairi Fortt, TE Connor Hamlett, P Kasey Redfern, OL Jack Rummells, QB Jeff Tuel

Biggest Overreaction: T.J. Yeldon only got ten yards on eight carries? Here we go again on a wild carousel of terrible Jaguar Running Backs. I miss MJD and Fred Taylor.

Chiefs defeat Titans 34-10
Kansas City establishes a passing game as Maclin's fantasy value continues to mean nothing to him.

Which starter looked the best?: Jeremy Maclin should fit into Kansas City's offense the same way he fit into every pre-2014 Eagles offense. That is, he will catch a ton of passes for a ton of yards but, will not be a WR1 in fantasy the way he was with Chip Kelly. 2014 was a career year for a reason for Maclin and although, he will take a step back, his seven catches on eight targets from Alex Smith for 65 yards and a touchdown prove that he is the focal point of this offense when Jamaal Charles isn't running for another 1,000 yards.

Which starter looked the worst?: Justin Hunter (4 targets, 0 catches) actually had a small chance at winning the #2 receiver role in Ken Whisenhunt's offense but, his reception-less game Friday night sealed his fate on Tennessee's bench for most of the upcoming regular season. This guy still does not appear to know how to run routes and I was really hoping Marcus Mariota might have been able to help Hunter study the playbook but, Hunter appears to just want to leave Tennessee and begin anew elsewhere and I would not be "OMG ULTIMATE SHOCKER" surprised if they released him before the regular season.

Back-up of the Game: Once Jeremy Maclin exited the game for a second-half rest, Chiefs WR Fred Williams took over his role in the offense and excelled in a way Kansas City had yet to see from him this preseason. Five catches on five targets for 62 yards and a touchdown have provided KC with a little bit of confidence in their receiving depth (or at least, what's left of it) and a reliable fixture within their offense in case Maclin goes down at any point when he ultimately gets 200 targets.

Kansas City's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: WR Kenny Cook, OT Anthony Dima, LS Andrew East, WR Junior Hemingway, CB Aaron Hester, DE Vaughn Martin, CB Kenneth Penny, OL Marcus Reed, OT Tavon Rooks, TE Adam Schiltz, WR Jeret Smith, OL Charles Tuaau, WR L'Damian Washington

Tennessee's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: LB Nate Askew, CB Will Brown, LB Dezmond Johnson, WR Tebucky Jones Jr., WR Deon Long, DE Derrick Lott, G Justin McCray, K Mike Meyer, LB Chaz Sutton, C Fernando Velasco, TE Tevin Westbrook, S Josh Aubrey

Bills defeat Steelers 43-19
Pittsburgh rolls over and quits as the Bills' four team captains merge to create a Tom Brady-esque performance.

Which starter looked the best?: Buffalo QB Tyrod Taylor did enough over the preseason and especially in this game (12/13-122-0-0, 20-yard rushing TD) to convince Rex Ryan that he should start over the rest of the Bills' mediocre Quarterbacks. Back-up of the Game E.J. Manuel looked great as well (7/8-170-2-0) but, for the second week in a row, it appeared as though this Steeler defense gave 10% effort and could not be bothered with giving actual effort in a meaningless game. I'd be worried if I were a Steeler fan and I'd want whomever told Dick Lebeau to leave, to leave themselves. I feel like I know less about the Bills' Quarterback situation than I did previously.

Which starter looked the worst?: Bills' defensive backs (literally all of them) could not have looked worse against Martavis Bryant (3-138-1). Granted, Bryant is super-duper talented and has been known to catch a deep ball or two in the past but, the amount of space he received from the Bills' defense was ridiculous. They are not a playoff team until that defensive backfield catches up to their opposing receivers.

Buffalo's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: RB Fred Jackson, DE Michael Buchanan, CB Ross Cockrell, DT Justin Hamilton, LB Andrew Hudson, OT Terren Jones, CB Ellis Lankster, S Kenny Ladler, S Wesley Miller, G D.J. Morrell, DE Cedric Reed, RB Ricky Seale

Pittsburgh's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: G Miles Dieffenbach, WR Kenzel Doe, WR C.J. Goodwin, RB Braylon Heard, DE Joe Kruger, DT Joe Okafor, OL Collin Rahrig, CB Jordan Sullen, OT Kevin Whimpey, S Ian Wild

Biggest Overreaction: Tyrod Taylor is going to be a revelation in 2015 the way that Colin Kaepernick broke out in 2012.

Dolphins defeat Falcons 13-9
Rishard Matthews scores only TD in a surprising defensive battle.

Which starter looked the best?: Defensive Tackle Earl Mitchell plugged up every hole created by the Falcons' offensive line. Ndamukong Suh's partner-in-defensive-crime did not play a ton but, recorded two tackles for a loss (3 total) and a sack along with forcing Atlanta's run-game to completely collapse among itself with 50 yards on 24 carries. Mitchell, Olivier Vernon and Cameron Wake should see a lot more time in the backfield with o-line's focusing more on Suh.

Which starter looked the worst?: How is Kroy Biermann still a starting NFL Defensive End? He did manage to grab one Dolphin for a loss of yards and that was the extent of his damage Saturday night. He has never been a good pass-rusher (maybe his rookie season), yet he has been on the team's defensive line for nearly a decade. No wonder Atlanta hasn't made the playoffs in three years.

Back-up of the Game: Everybody get ready for Mike Hull. I've been bragging up the Penn State Linebacker for three weeks now and Miami will have to find a way to play him by this time next season because, he will only keep getting better.

Miami's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: DT Calvin Barnett, RB Demitrius Bronson, G Bryant Browning, WR LaRon Byrd, WR Kevin Cone, DE Ray Drew, P Brandon Fields, WR Tyler McDonald, DE Kendall Montgomery, TE Gerell Robinson, CB Sammy Seamster, S Phillip Thomas, C J.D. Walton

Atlanta's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: LB Boris Anyama, LB Jonathon Mincy, WR Marquez Clark, RB Michael Ford, WR John Harris, DT Warren Herring, NT Derrick Hopkins, OT Matt Huffer, CB Mike Lee, G Eric Lefeld, LB Terrell Manning, DE Sam Meredith, C Valerian Ume-Ezeoke

Biggest Overreaction: The offensive line's flaws are too large to overcome for either Tevin Coleman or Devonta Freeman to provide Atlanta with a running game.

Browns defeat Buccaneers 31-7
Cleveland's defense flashes potential in blowout of Tampa Bay.

Which starter looked the best?: Desmond Bryant hit Jameis Winston three times. That is a pretty great performance for any Defensive Tackle. Tampa Bay has had offensive line troubles and Winston does not always know when to release the football but, all the credit in the world goes to Bryant for his two sacks and otherwise strong showing.

Which starter looked the worst?: Jameis Winston (6/15-90-0-1) looked very rookie-ish. I believe we have seen his worst-case scenario now (limping, not sure what he's going to do on 66% of plays, no offensive line to help) and Tampa fans should be prepared for a roller-coaster ride of a losing season before fully developed Jameis Winston shows up.

Back-up of the Game: Sixth-round corner Charles Gaines is fighting for a roster spot and made a very nice case for himself by shutting down Tampa Bay's back-up receivers. Gaines finished the game with one deflected pass and an interception off the arm of Jameis Winston. The former Louisville corner should be on the Cleveland practice squad at least to start 2015.

Cleveland's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: DT Phil Taylor (Legit shocker), TE Anthony Ezeakunne, WR Shane Wynn, LB Everette Brown, LB Moise Fokou, RB Jalen Parmele, DB Aaron Ross

Tampa Bay's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: RB Dominique Brown, DT Quayshawne Buckley, OL Antoine Everett, LS Brandon Hartson, FB Joey Iosefa, S Kimario McFadden, P Karl Schmitz, CB Al-Hajj Shabazz, DE George Uko, DE Jamal Young, P Michael Koenen, WR Robert Herron, CB Leonard Johnson, C Josh Allen

Biggest Overreaction: Josh McCown looked vastly improved from his week two self. He could make Cleveland a sleeper playoff contender with that defense.

Vikings defeat Cowboys 28-14
Minnesota wins again behind an amazing night of passing.

Which starter looked the best?: Tony Romo is still a second-tier NFL Quarterback. He looked great against Minnesota's improved first-team defense, completing five of eight passes to five different receivers for two touchdowns and 88 yards. He spread the ball around to the likes of Cole Beasley and Lucky Whitehead and appears to be able to succeed even without Dez Bryant (rest) on the field. 

Which starter looked the worst?: Byron Jones is now the starting Cornerback opposite Brandon Carr in Dallas's defensive backfield with Orlando Scandrick done for the year on a torn ACL. Jones may have four tackles but, if you are an NFL corner, the last thing you should get excited about in your box score is a bunch of tackles. He gave up four completed passes and luckily for Dallas, wrapped up the receiver on all four plays. He'll need to do a better job at shutting down the opposition if Dallas wants to win back-to-back NFC North championships.

Back-up of the Game: Viking QB Taylor Heinicke had not exactly warmed Viking fans' hearts with his play so far this preseason but, Saturday night he completed all eleven of his passes for 83 yards (he liked 'em short). The un-drafted QB from Old Dominion might not have enough talent to beat out the veteran Shaun Hill but, he at least one nice performance under his belt.

Minnesota's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: RB Joe Banyard, TE Brandon Bostick, OT Carter Bykowski, CB Jalil Carter, CB Justin Coleman, WR DaVaris Daniels, T Stephen Goodin, LB Josh Kaddu, QB Mike Kafka, WR Jordan Leslie, DE Caesar Rayford, DT Chrishon Rose, CB DeMarcus Van Dyke

Dallas's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: TE Brandon Barden, WR Phil Bates, DE Kenneth Boatright, LB Jonathan Brown, T R.J. Dill, WR Antwan Goodley, RB Michael Hill, P Tom Hornsey, LS Casey Kreiter, WR David Porter, CB Robert Steeples, DT Carlif Taylor

Biggest Overreaction: Teddy Bridgewater is on pace to complete 80% of his passes and the Vikings are on pace to go 16-0!

Jets defeat Giants 28-18
The Annual Snoopy Bowl features zombies Zac Stacy and James Jones.

Which starter looked the best?: Odell "More awesome than spiderman, superman, batman and the incredible hulk put together" Beckham Jr. plays football like the most talented Wide Receiver I have ever seen. There was plenty of talk leading up to Saturday's reservation on Revis Island and Eli Manning found ways around it by throwing shorter slant passes to OBJ/ODB/whatever we're calling him now. Five receptions for 31 yards on six targets and one incredible catch that did not count were all in a day's work for the Giants' new face of Head and Shoulders.

Which starter looked the worst?: The Giants' offensive line as a whole. Ryan Nassib and Eli Manning were hit a total of nine times in this game and not all of that was just Nassib hanging onto the football for too long. Sure, the Giants may have improved at this facet of their game by drafting Ereck Flowers with the ninth overall pick but, can they honestly expect everyone to believe that Flowers is ready to start at Left Tackle immediately? I think Eli Manning is going to be in a lot of trouble with this fragile offensive line and the Giants' below-average defense.

Back-up of the Game: Zac Stacy (14 touches, 84 yards, 1 TD) demanded a trade immediately after the Rams selected Todd Gurley in the first round of this April's draft and rightfully so as Stacy was a viable NFL starting Running Back during the second-half of 2013 before Jeff Fisher pushed him out the door for Tre' Mason (whom Fisher has pushed to the bench most likely for Gurley). If Saturday night is any indication, Stacy could usurp Stevan Ridley from his role of backing up Chris Ivory. Of course, this was one flash of brilliance in an otherwise downward-trending career so, he could also be cut by this time next week.

Jets' Cuts to a 75-man Roster: CB Javier Arenas, OL James Brewer, CB Curtis Brown, C Dalton Freeman, WR T.J. Graham, WR Saalim Hakim, WR Austin Hill, LB Bryan Johnson, TE Matt LaCosse, CB Keith Lewis, WR DeVier Posey, WR Jonathon Rumph

Giants' Cuts to a 75-man Roster: OL Michael Bamiro, WR Juron Criner, G Eric Herman, S Justin Halley, RB Akeem Hunt, WR Derrick Johnson, P Robert Malone, OL Brandon Mosley, DL Jordan Stanton, DL Jimmy Staten, TE Will Tye

Biggest Overreaction: James Jones is going to make Reuben Randle totally irrelevant in this offense. 


Now that this post is halfway done, here are my preseason picks for the College Football Playoff this year...
1. Ohio State (duh)
2. TCU (I was captain on the TCU hype train last year and while I doubt they get placed in with any losses on their record, I still think they'll play like the second best team in the nation)
3. Oregon (I'm really uncomfortable choosing an Oregon team coached by someone other than Chip Kelly with a Quarterback other than Mariota but, I love the potential of Vernon Adams and would not be totally stunned to see them succeed through so much change)
4. Oklahoma (My favorite sleeper pick of the year. I had Trevor Knight/Samaje Perine/Eric Striker as the 3 guys I was looking at for winning the Heisman this year. Well, Knight lost his starting role to Baker Mayfield so, that was a miss-fire.)

My Preseason Heisman Pick: Samaje Perine, RB, Oklahoma
Who wins it all? I'm not even going to pretend to have any confidence in this choice but I'll take Ohio State over Oregon. Again? Again. Kind of lame, I admit it.

Back to the NFL!

Bengals defeat Bears 21-10
Andy Dalton suffers a minor neck injury as A.J. McCarron leads Bengals to a win.

Which starter looked the best?: Martellus "The Black Unicorn" Bennett pulled a Greg Olsen by grabbing a ton of passes in just one half of football. Bennett's 2014 breakout season appears to have been no fluke as he caught all seven of his targets from Jay Cutler for 45 yards. Bennett remains the safety blanket of this offense when Matt Forte doesn't have a ton of blockers in front of him.

Which starter looked the worst?: Matt Forte was weirdly ineffective in this game as he could only muster 16 yards on six carries while also catching zero passes out of his two targets. It was absolutely a fluke as Cincinnati's run defense played quite well and Forte is still a top ten Running Back in the league at minimum. Every great player has their bad games once in a while (2014 Examples: Brady vs. KC, Rodgers vs. BUF).

Back-up of the Game: A.J. McCarron had yet to prove that he belonged in the NFL due to his missing all of 2014 with a shoulder injury. His professional football debut against Tampa last Monday was a tad underwhelming and his play against Chicago (12/17-149-1-0) inspired me to believe that he is a trustworthy backup Quarterback.

Cincinnati's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: WR Denarius Moore, DT Kwame Geathers, LB Nico Johnson, WR Onterio McCalebb, DE Sam Montgomery

Chicago's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: CB Tim Jennings, DB Malcolm Bronson, QB Shane Carden, TE Kevin Greene, T Cameron Jefferson, WR Jeremy Kelley, CB Al Louis-Jean, LS Rick Lovato, G Lucas Nix, WR Levi Norwood, DE Olsen Pierre, TE Chris Pantale, WR John Chiles

Biggest Overreaction: That Bengals defense is going to destroy every Running Back this year.

Washington defeats Ravens 31-13
Kirk Cousins wins his first preseason start over a cold Raven team.

Which starter looked the best?: Steve Smith Sr. sure knows how to get a defense riled up. Smith got involved in a brawl after an illegal tackle on teammate Kamar Aiken. He was ejected pretty quickly into the game as a result and yet, still finished with four catches for 95 yards and a long touchdown catch-and-run. He will be the same player he was last season as long as he keeps his health and stays in games. I also approved of his fighting style (yell a lot and never throw a punch).

Which starter looked the worst?: Alfred Morris (9 touches, 10 yards) is supposed to get a similar workload to that of DeMarco Murray last season but, seems to have shown inconsistency that could get rookie RB Matt Jones (8 touches, 74 yards) around 30-40% of carries instead. Jones is not someone I was very high on coming out of Florida but, he seems to be on the quick road to starting in the NFL with Morris's contract up after this season.

Back-up of the Game: Washington might have one of the four worst Quarterback situations in the NFL (along with the Jets, Texans and Browns) and yet, they are absolutely stacked at Wide Receiver (I'm not kidding, go check out that depth chart). Third-year practice-squad receiver Rashad Ross had one hell of a connection with Colt McCoy. The former Arizona State Sun Devil caught six passes for 56 yards and two touchdowns. He might get cut at the end of the preseason but, he won't be a free agent for very long.

Washington's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: TE Ernst Brun, LB Dyshawn Davis, TE Chase Dixon, CB Tajh Hasson, LB Alonzo Highsmith, CB DreQuan Hoskey, WR Tony Jones, K Ty Long, TE Devin Mahina, G Bryce Quigley, OT Willie Smith, CB Thomas Wolfe, CB Bryan McCann

Baltimore's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: G Leon Brown, WR DeAndre Carter, CB Tramain Jacobs, G Marcel Jones, P Justin Manton, WR Aldrick Robinson, LS Patrick Scales, WR Trent Steelman

Biggest Overreaction: New Ravens Offensive Coordinator Marc Trestman is going to completely erase any running game they re-built with Justin Forsett last season.

Seahawks defeat Chargers 16-15
Former Badgers continue to struggle in a low-scoring game decided by Steven Hauschka.

Which starter looked the best?: Former Bill Stevie Johnson (4-63-0) should fit right into the San Diego offense very well as he's always been pretty on-par talent-wise with Malcom Floyd and now that San Diego has both, Philip Rivers will have his most reliable set of weapons in years. If Ladarius Green plays more like his 2014-self than his 2013-self then, expect Stevie J to get a boatload of targets. 

Which starter looked the worst?: Let me tell everyone about something that makes me very nervous, Melvin Gordon's preseason and his sudden lack of vision. I get it, San Diego's offense is nowhere near the NFL's best offensive line whereas Wisconsin's offensive line was one of the best in college (and always has been). Watching Chargers games, it is not all on the offensive line for Gordon to recognize some of the holes that he is missing. His fourteen carries for 34 yards are dramatically underwhelming and part of me (the keeper fantasy owner who wants to draft a Running Back) wants to believe that he just isn't fully healthy yet or of course, it all means nothing because it's the preseason. I don't know but, this feels more indicative of something that could hinder him this season.

Back-up of the Game: LB Nick Dzubnar has been among the tackling leaders for San Diego in each of their three preseason games. This week, he recorded another six tackles (tied for team lead) along with a sack. The Cal Poly-San Luis Obispo Linebacker does not have the greatest odds at making the final roster but, he made the cut of 75 and already beat the odds by coming out of such an irrelevant football school to make a preseason roster so, anything is possible if he keeps doing this.

Seattle's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: T Jesse Davis, CB George Farmer, WR Deshon Foxx, WR Deontay Greenberry, C Lemuel Jeanpierre, CB Keelan Johnson, LB Quayshawn Nealy, DE Greg Scruggs, DT D'Anthony Smith, S Ty Zimmerman

San Diego's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: CB Manny Asprilla, DL Cameron Botticelli, WR Titus Davis, RB Jahwan Edwards, LB Curtis Grant, LB Brock Hekking, T Forrestal Hickman, TE David Paulson, QB Chase Rettig, DL Luther Robinson, TE Logan Stokes, WR Torrence Allen, CB Chris Davis (The kick-six guy!), S Gordon Hill, G Melvin Meggs

Biggest Overreaction: Why is Russell Wilson so inaccurate all of a sudden? They really shouldn't have traded Max Unger. Their reign of terror is over.

Eagles defeat Packers 39-26
Randall Cobb injured in Eagles blowout win over backup Packers.

Which starter looked the best?: Sam Bradford went nuts. I don't have any clue how much we should read into this game but, Bradford appears to be a football-playing robot configured by Chip Kelly to throw the most accurate passes known to mankind. I started getting suspicious once he literally threw a pass that went through a Packer defender's stomach, out his back and into Jordan Matthews hands (Ok, I made that up). The newest Eagle Quarterback completed all ten of his passes for 121 yards and three touchdowns. I don't think there is any doubt in anybody's mind anymore, the talent is very much there. The health is what will always be a concern.

Which starter looked the worst?: Casey Hayward was supposed to play defense against Bradford. He finished with one tackle. I feel like this is pretty self-explanatory.

Back-up of the Game: Former UCLA QB Brett Hundley of the Packers. Sure, he was playing from 25 down for the most part but, it's always promising when a rookie Quarterback throws for 315 yards.

Philadelphia's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: CB Marc Anthony, S Brandan Bishop, OL Mike Coccia, OL Kevin Graf, DE Alfy Hill, WR Mike Johnson, QB-turned-WR G.J. Kinne, LB Dasman McCullum, RB Kevin Monangai, WR Josh Reese, DE Jeremy Towns, TE Justin Tukes, OL Jared Wheeler

Green Bay's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: QB Matt Blanchard, WR James Butler, LB Tavarus Dantzler, T Fabbians Ebbele, LB Josh Francis, DT Lavon Hooks, LB Adrian Hubbard, T Vince Kowalski, TE Harold Spears

Biggest Overreaction: The Eagles should be Super Bowl favorites with this team, just look at how well they've dominated this preseason!

Colts defeat Rams 24-14
Tre' Mason hurts himself in another preseason loss for St. Louis.

Which starter looked the best?: Hey! Nick Foles is back! It only took two bad performances for Philadelphia Foles to pop back up and luckily for St. Louis, he did see his shadow! The part-time Napoleon Dynamite impersonator threw for 128 yards on ten of eleven passes for one touchdown. He picked apart Vontae Davis and benefited from a banged-up Colts d-line by spending some quality time in the pocket. Mixed results have me believing that Foles will play pretty similarly to David Garrard (only less mobile) on this new team.

Which starter looked the worst?: Darius Butler? It was super hard to find a starter who looked consistently terrible so, feel good about yourselves for now, Rams and Colts! It won't last forever. I chose the Colts corner even though he was never blatantly terrible, he just happened to have a few extra completed passes against him.

Back-up of the Game: Colts Cornerback Chance Casey caught the Quarterback and collapsed collectively to the current Rams field (that's a lot of C's) for his first sack of the preseason. The former Raider/49er has seven career regular season tackles and racked up three in this game while also making Sean Mannion's game incredibly difficult. It was an awesome performance to keep him on the Indianapolis roster for one more week.

Indianapolis's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: G Donald Thomas, G Harland Gunn, LB Nicklas Haag, LB Zack Hodges, OT Tyler Hoover, WR Ryan Lankford, DT Jeris Pendleton, WR Ezell Ruffin, LB Justin Shirk, RB Abou Toure, C Brandon Vitabile

St. Louis's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: T Steven Baker, T Travis Bond, CB Imoan Claiborne, S Jay Hughes, LB Keshaun Malone, LS Tyler Ott, K/P Michael Palardy, WR Tyler Slavin, C David Wang, WR Damian Williams, DT Doug Worthington

Biggest Overreaction: The Rams are 0-3 and St. Louis is just plain terrible. That is all. Maybe they'll contend once they relocate to L.A.

Broncos defeat 49ers 19-12
Saturday's late game bores everyone, including Peyton Manning.

Which starter looked the best?: Colin Kaepernick didn't have the flashiest stats yet, certainly looked the flashiest on the football field Saturday night. The one-time Super Bowl runner-up ran for a wild 34-yard run against Denver's top-ten defense and threw for just 13 yards (on 2/5 passing) compared to his 54 yards on the ground (on 3 carries). Also, Navorro Bowman returned from the dead (or just a torn ACL) and recorded nine tackles, two sacks and the newest #1 album on Billboard (that last one is false).

Which starter looked the worst?: Broncos' Wide Receiver Cody Latimer will be utilized in much of Denver's offense as a third receiver and he showed why he still needs to work on his game before he is fully trusted in that role. Latimer only caught a four-yard pass on five targets and seriously struggled in blocking.

Back-up of the Game: Ronnie Hillman has clinched the role as C.J. Anderson's main backup in Denver with another flashy-yet-quick performance of seven touches for 38 yards. Montee' Ball might be done in Denver and it's another surprising fall from grace for a former Wisconsin Badger.

Denver's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: TE Dan Light, LB Danny Mason, WR Nathan Palmer

San Francisco's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: K Corey Acosta, LB Steve Beauharnais, CB Mylan Hicks, T Sean Hooey, WR Mario Hull, WR Chuck Jacobs, WR Nigel King, LB Shawn Lemon, FB Trey Millard, DL Lawrence Okoye

Biggest Overreaction: Something, something, Peyton Manning's arm is a noodle, something, something, he can't feel his fingers, something, something.

Texans defeat Saints 27-13
Houston's passing game surprises New Orleans in 14-point win.

Which starter looked the best?: Brian Hoyer backed up Bill O'Brien's decision to start him by looking very efficient and comfortable in a new offense. Hoyer completed seven of eleven passes for 82 yards without any turnovers while the run-game was suffocated by the Saints' defense.

Which starter looked the worst?: The Houston offensive line. I recognize that the loss of Arian Foster is too much to bear for Houston right now but, that does not excuse their putrid performance in the backfield this Sunday. The Texans ran for 82 yards on 36 carries for a horrible 2.3 yards per carry along with a short touchdown. The pass-blocking was not anything special but, they only gave up one sack which is considerably better than the results of their run-blocking.

Back-up of the Game: Saints Wide Receiver Willie Snead made his roster status much clearer as he grabbed four out of six targets for 56 yards. Snead was not exactly very high in Sean Payton's depth chart with veterans like Josh Morgan and Marques Colston plus unknowns like Brandin Cooks, Joseph Morgan and Brandon Coleman ahead of him but, Snead did manage to take out Nick Toon (who was released as part of the cut-down from 90 to 75 players). He isn't likely to be relevant in any fantasy leagues and yet, Snead is not a guarantee to just fall back onto the practice squad.

Houston's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: T Aaron Adams, LB Jason Ankrah, WR Alan Bonner, WR Jace Davis, P Will Johnson, WR Travis Labhart, DE Cam McLeod, NT Chris Neild, LB Jeff Tarpinian, G Cody White, T Bryan Witzmann

New Orleans' Cuts to a 75-man Roster: WR Nick Toon, CB Terrence Frederick, WR R.J. Harris, DT David Hunter, OT Antonio Johnson, WR Lance Lewis, G Cole Manhart, CB Travis Manning, DE Markus Pierce-Brewster, LB Chris Young, FB Erik Lorig, LB Ronald Powell, S Vinnie Sunseri

Biggest Overreaction: The Texans will have no problems with Brian Hoyer!

Cardinals defeat Raiders 30-23
While Jake Arrieta was throwing a no-hitter and Miley Cyrus was turning off viewers with her personality, this game happened and I saw none of it.

Starter whose stats looked the best because I could not be bothered to view this game?: Amari Cooper. 4 catches, 62 yards, 0 TD, 9 targets. I do not have any idea why he couldn't catch all nine footballs thrown his way so, I'm just going to assume that Derek Carr is at fault here because everything I've seen from Cooper has me believing he is a Dez Bryant-level talent.

Starter whose stats looked the worst because I could not be bothered to view this game?: Carson Palmer. The Arizona QB threw two interception on 8 of 22 passing as I'm sure he was just confused by the fact that he left the Raiders three years ago. Those darn NFL jerseys never change!

Back-up of the Game: Mario Edwards Jr. recorded two sacks. The former Florida State d-lineman has impressed all preseason long and is the future of this Oakland Raiders defense alongside Khalil Mack. Nice job of drafting, Reggie McKenzie.

Arizona's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: P Dave Zastudil (surprise!), LB Lorenzo Alexander, LB Glenn Carson, T Rob Crisp, G Nate Isles, LB Edwin Jackson, LB Andrae Kirk, S Shaquille Richardson, TE Gannon Sinclair, WR Ryan Spadola, S Darren Woodard

Oakland's Cuts to a 75-man Roster: P Steven Clark, CB Robertson Daniel, CB James Dockery, DB Ras-I Dowling, QB Cody Fajardo, WR Josh Harper, WR Trindon Holliday, G Lamar Mady, RB Trent Richardson, WR Kenbrell Thompkins, WR Milton Williams III

Biggest Overreaction: Miley's career will never recover from this.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Miley Cyrus And Her Dead Petz Instant Reactions

It was 11:50 PM when I decided that the migraine-inducing, cringe-tacular, bore-fest VMAs were now a thing of the past and I decided to give the only reason that Miley Cyrus hosted, her new album Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz a listen.

You can listen to whole 92-minute album here

Here are my instant reactions that I had (without much editing) during/after each song.

Dooo It!: While I dislike The Flaming Lips (minus two or three songs), I like when they are in the background or producing such as on this song and I didn't mind the song (in fact I quite liked it) until the last 90 seconds were just Miley shouting about how she doesn't give a fuck when she oh so clearly does. NEXT!

Karen Don't Be Sad: (Almost typed Sade. 'Memba her?) Is legitimately a great song. It's the best parts of The Flaming Lips and Miley mashed into one timeless song. I just want to skip through a field of dandelions. Fuck bees though.

The Floyd Song (Sunrise): Feels like a song that Amy Winehouse (RIP) would have done by now. This is another very good song, the vibe so far is clearly stonerriffic but, it's like Tame Impala in the way that you don't need any drugs to fully appreciate it (This song that is). I don't have any idea how this turns into an album with 5 songs produced by Mike Will Made It. I'm scared.

Something About Space Dude: Works out well because of it's simplicity. Guitar? Check. Little drum pad thing for tiny heartbeats? Check. Echo effect on Miley's voice? Check. This is the song with the reddest eyes thus far.

Space Boots: Continues the Spacey theme (When does Kevin Spacey make an appearance). This is a Lana Del Rey song. That seems to be a very popular theme for some female artists to grab onto lately. I can't talk about the lyrics because I'm not looking at them but, from what I can tell, the writing for this song could have used some help (considering Miley wrote the song all by herself! Here's a golden star sticker as reward!). It's fine. Might grow on me.

Fuckin Fucked Up: Seems to signal a change in tune. I'm scared again.

BB Talk: It's nice to know that Miley cringes at herself sometimes because she certainly is not alone. As it tuns out, "FFU" was just an intro. Oh come on. Her talking voice is so annoying, sorry. I can't handle this song with the parts of her complaining about some significant other. WAIT, IS SHE REALLY COMPLAINING ABOUT EMOJIS AND COMPLIMENTING ARMPITS? I hate this. The song would be fantastic if she just. Stopped. TALKING. At least it is very original.

Fweaky: Starts off with the token "Mike Will Made It" drop and I'm worried that his production could derail the vibe (Maybe Miley's talking already did). This song is actually sexy in a way that if it were anybody besides Miley, I would find it very sexy (Literally anyone. I see you, Linda Tripp). Nanananana. The ratio between stupidly titled songs:good songs has never been more lopsided on an album. I like this.

Bang Me Box: Is Miley's "Something, something Disco Stick" song (Lady Gaga. 'Memba her?). Decent driving song. Very generic minus the parts about Miley singing "Bang Me Box" which is hilarious. Her neck, her back, etc...

Milky Milky Milk: Brings Wayne Coyne back into the album. Miley's singing is reminiscent of 90's to early 2000's Madonna. Wait wait, "Sucking on my nipple?"... This album really isn't holding anything back. No euphemisms or anything, just "fuck me and suck my tits". I love boldness. This album is bold. Good lord, there are 13 songs left?

Cyrus Skies: Reminds me of... DON'T SAY IT... Pink... DON'T YOU DARE!... Floyd. Pink Floyd, I said it. This is another awesome song (she's like 7/11 on those, I'm not keeping track). Best song on the album and I'm pretty much only 50% done. I love this song so much upon first listen.

Pre-warning about the following song: I am a Phantogram stan and this song features Sarah Barthel of Phantogram, it will take a lot for me to not appreciate it in some way.


Slab of Butter (Scorpion): Sounds like a Mario game mixed by Mike Will Made It and the echo-effect has not gotten old yet. I love that Miley took the back seat for Sarah on this song. It is incredible. "I feel like a slab of butter that is melting in the sun" might be my favorite chorus on the album. I don't give a fuck. The production is on point.

I'm So Drunk: Is 46 seconds. At first, I'm thinking NOOOO, not another interlude... BUT WAIT, It's just a little chipmunk voice over a bizarre Flaming Lips beat. No speaking parts! I like it!

I Forgive Yiew: Starts out like most of Bangerz (Which is incredibly cringey). The production does not seemed to have changed much from "Slab of Butter" except it is upbeat. The production is fine (although the song should have placed elsewhere on the album to give the listener some time to forget the beat). This song feels lazy but, two different writers and thrice produced? This one feels like she reached base on an error (Baseball reference!). It's good that it isn't too long or it'd be a super weakness for the streak of good songs she has on this album. One thumb down, the other nervously trembling in indecision.

I Get So Scared: Feels like Phantogram covering an Usher song and putting their own little twist on it. Make any sense? No? Ok, I'll show myself out. It's a smooth breakup track to cry to (if you actually have emotions unlike myself).

Lighter: Is a straight up 80's pop ballad. Fuck yes. Where is Ann Wilson? It is 2015 and we have too goddamn long for some new Ann Wilson/Heart music. Also, the rent is too damn high. In a shocker of shocking twisty twist proportions, this song is the only track that I have heard so far that has any chance of regular rotation on mainstream radio stations. It's a really nice throwback and I have no idea how Big "ASSASSASSASS STOP!" Sean is featured on the following track.


I should mention that "Lighter" is nowhere near bombastic enough of a song to feature Ann Wilson but, it gave me a weird deja vu of Heart ballads. THEEEESE DREEEAMS.


Tangerine: Features the first ever collaboration between Big Sean and The Flaming Lips (no way those dudes were in the studio at the same time). It's a slow burner and then Big Sean shows up and he sounds so borrrrrred. Oh wait, he's getting into it. This is now the new song with the reddest eyes. I'd like to think that Big Sean got high with the crew at G.O.O.D. Music and they started smelling colors as a result of this song. I think I'm getting a contact high from this song. It's a strange one and I have no opinions yet other than I don't hate it.

Tiger Dreams: Ariel Pink fits right into all of this bizarre-ness very well. It just makes sense. "Tiger Dreams" has Miley dreaming about being eaten by a tiger so.... that's a thing. I'd like to imagine that the Tiger of which she speaks is former-Detroit Tiger Prince Fielder (Another baseball reference!). The tune just switched into an organ-playing phantom of the opera musical where Ariel Pink plays the angel of music. Oh cool, auto-tune breaks! This is the type of auto-tune that is passable (Looking at you, 2010's Lil' Wayne). Is Ariel Pink just making baby noises in the background? I really dig this too! Miley is giving it her all and it's almost unfair that she's so faded out in this song but damn, it works.

Evil Is But A Shadow: Reminds me of the slower songs of TV On The Radio and it has a very Lana-60's throwback feel to it but, with the beats of Yeezus. At 3 minutes in, it's back to being a Flaming Lips song with Miley singing lead. Perfect song to roll the credits on. Oh, but there are four songs left? Ok.

1 Sun: Oh? Her voice is back at the forefront of the song? A sudden change that I'm not sure I welcomed with open arms. This is a Lady Gaga song 1,010% (I make up percentages just like Randy Jackson, I am not any better than the judges on American Idol and that is fine with me). This feels out of place and yet, it's a decent pop song. "1 Sun" has a chance of making the mainstream radio. Only the second song out of twenty. It's a strong future single as it is poppy.

Pablow The Blowfish: Why is she singing about her pet fish? Why did she name her album "Miley Cyrus and Her Dead Petz"? Drugs? Quirky desperation? A little bit of both I'd assume. I heard a rumor about this song existing at the SNL 40th anniversary after-party in February. Do blowfish have personalities? Is this song three deep five me? Sadie and Lady rhyme is cute in the way that she is not serious about trying to rhyme. Is she crying and sniffling? I'm concerned about this. AHH PIANO CRASH.


Correction: As my friend T.J. informed me, "Actually the name of the album literally was inspired after her dog, Floyd, was eaten by coyotes while she was on tour. She claimed that after he died a Chinese healer came and sucked the dog out of her lungs, at which point she pet the dog for three hours, and then told Wayne Coyne that she had to let go and had him put his energy out." Thank you, T.J. for making Miley Cyrus's day-to-day life that much more interesting to me.


Miley Tibetan Bowlzz: Is her last song produced by The Flaming Lips. It's just Miley moaning/whaling over an orchestra and it works?! How did she make this album so good and the VMAs so bad!?

Twinkle Song: Is pretty much a piano plus Miley plus children's lyrics with additional sailor-level cursing and OH MY GOD SHE IS SCREAMING AND IT IS 1 AM PLEASE Stop. Thank god she stopped.


Miley is just living life like the rest of us (only with more money and fame), trying to figure out what it all means and having fun with fun people and weird characters along the way . "Dooo It!" would be enough to make the casual listener stop listening but, the rest of this album is stunningly fantastic. It didn't even feel like a 92-minute album and there were only one or two songs I might have cut out if I were her. I don't have any idea what any of it meant or where I left my keys or why I can't feel my face but, I love it.


Thursday, August 27, 2015

Preseason Overreactions: Week 2!

NOTE: All Biggest Overreactions are loaded with sarcasm.

Washington defeats Lions 21-17
RG3's Offensive Line brings him one step closer to retirement in a comeback win for Washington.

Rookie of the Game: Lions Running Back Zack Zenner impressed once again. The former South Dakota State Jackrabbit was very instrumental in the Lions quick-dump passing game and has shown the ability to consistently run for good yardage (albeit against third and fourth stringers). Zenner now has 77 yards on 17 carries this preseason but, the five receptions for 59 yards on Thursday night seem to have Detroit considering keeping the un-drafted RB over (2014 Lion) George Winn. When a guy catches all six of his targets, even in check-down scenarios, you know there is potential there.

Position Battle Update: Washington OLBs Trent Murphy (2 tackles) and Preston Smith (3 tackles) are fighting a battle for the right outside linebacker job. Jay Gruden's coaching staff might prefer Murphy since he was their second-rounder last season while this year's second-rounder Preston Smith is a fresh rookie with just two preseason games and a training camp behind him. Murphy will get one more chance to prove himself this upcoming weekend and if he does not overly impress, Smith might be the week one starter.

Who Should Stay?: RB Trey Williams should make Washington's 75-man roster at least if he does not make it all the way to the 53-man final roster. The former Texas A&M Aggie never quite got into a consistent groove in college and even though his week 1 totals (7-15-1) were underwhelming, touchdowns still get players bonus points in everybody's book. Williams' week 2 was much better as the Running Back got more playing time with Silas Redd down for the season and he ran ten times for 52 yards, giving his case for Redd's roster spot a much needed boost.

Who Should Go?: I'm so very sad to say this but WR Lance Moore is not the player he once was for Drew Brees. The Lions have cheaper/younger/better options in Greg Salas and former second-rounder Ryan Broyles who can fit into the "Lance Moore role" that this team felt the need to target Moore for. Broyles' career has been nothing but injuries to this point but, he's healthy now and if they need to sign a receiver at some point during the season, it's not entirely impossible that Moore wouldn't still be out there.

Biggest Overreaction: "Remember when RG3 was good?" "Nope" "Me either, let's go burn his jersey now".

Bills defeat Browns 11-10
Tyrod Taylor looks really good despite missing top four RB's and top 5 WR's.

Rookie of the Game: Bills Cornerback Ronald Darby (Florida State) grabbed two interceptions while playing with the Bills starting defense and has made it clear that this rookie is ready to start on day one. There's a reason Florida State went undefeated two years ago and it isn't just that Jameis Winston was Heisman-worthy.

Position Battle Update: Buffalo sat Matt Cassel out of this game as he is the most well-known quantity among Bills Quarterbacks and at this point in the veteran's career, what you see is what you get. E.J. Manuel is either going to win the Quarterback job or lose his job entirely and get released, there does not seem to be a middle ground between Manuel and new head coach Rex Ryan. While those two deal with trying to bury their ugly pasts, Tyrod Taylor continues to thrive in his fifth preseason (first as a Bill) and was the star of Thursday night's show. It's not just the passing precision (7/10-65-0-0) that has Rex Ryan giddy about his newest toy at QB, it's the running ability (4-41-0) that Geno Smith never delivered on in Ryan's final Jet days that makes Taylor the clear favorite at this point.

Who Should Stay?: It's not very controversial of me to say this but, third round Defensive End Xavier Cooper (Washington State) has been this year's version of Ethan Westbrooks/Jayrone Elliott in the "Breakout Pass Rusher Role". Cooper sacked the Bills Quarterback twice, putting his preseason total up to three, and with first-rounder Danny Shelton starting, Cleveland will have no problem with plugging up the middle of the field.

Who Should Go?: Undrafted Stanford RB Ricky Seale was picked up due to all of the injured Buffalo Running Backs (LeSean McCoy, Bryce Brown, Fred Jackson, Anthony Dixon). I watched plenty of Stanford games these past few years and I do not remember a single game that this guy was in. It is a nice story that the occupational therapist (at least, last week he was) got the chance to play in the NFL and I hate putting a damper on a good story but, with Seale's bland college career and ten yards on eight carries, he'll be cut as soon as one of those Running Backs heal.

Biggest Overreaction: Josh McCown threw two interceptions! Why isn't Manziel starting yet?!?!

Jets defeat Falcons 30-22
Brandon Marshall gets acquainted with his new Quarterbacks in Jets shootout win.

Rookie of the Game: Jets DE Leonard Williams was the sixth overall pick out of USC and will fit in perfectly with Muhammad Wilkerson and Damon Harrison during the impending Sheldon Richardson suspension. The mammoth of a man whom they refer to as "Big Cat" made it look like the Falcons offense was trying to save Matt Ryan from an actual, live tiger. Five tackles, 1.5 sacks, three TFL's and all in one half? He seemed like the surest thing on draft day and he certainly looked like the surest thing on Friday night.

Position Battle Update: Atlanta's third receiver battle to see who gets targets on the rare occasions when Julio Jones and Roddy White aren't open is down to Leonard Hankerson and East Carolina rookie Justin Hardy (sorry Devin Hester). Hankerson has experience from his days with RG3 tossing him the pigskin and Hardy set all types of career records in college that convinced Atlanta to take him in the fourth round. This preseason has made the possibility of Justin Hardy starting in the "Harry Douglas Role" a much larger reality. Hardy has seven receptions for 94 yards so far while,Hankerson doing a bit less in the slot with 28 yards and a touchdown on four catches.

Who Should Stay?: His coverage might not be fully developed yet but, Jets Defensive Back Rontez Miles has collected nine tackles in two games and shown an ability to wrap up a receiver which is a lost art among present-day defensive backs. The 26 year old has done his time, spending two full seasons on the Jets' practice squad and he seems to finally have a real chance at making their roster with Calvin Pryor ailing and Miles being listed as the only other Strong Safety on staff.

Who Should Go?: Matt Ryan's backup T.J. Yates has had poor results from playing against the Titans and Jets (17/30-183-0-2) and Atlanta felt worried enough that they actually called up Rex Grossman and put pen to paper in a move that is the definition of desperation. T.J. Yates once started a playoff game. Former Duke QB Sean Renfree (16/21-162-0-0) has been nice but, can he even take on second-stringers? The Falcons have yet to switch Yates' backup role with Renfree's and I really think they should if they are this concerned about what is going on behind Matt Ryan.

Biggest Overreaction: Bryce Petty (12/19-168-1-0) looked awesome, why don't the Jets start him week one?

Chiefs defeat Seahawks 14-13
Seahawks beat Chiefs by 1 in otherwise dull contest.

Rookie of the Game: Tyler Lockett (again!) was the only rookie other than Chiefs LB Ramik Wilson (also again!) that caught my eye and impressed. Lockett continues to look like the most talented active receiver on the Seahawks roster with three more catches for 42 yards. With both Jimmy Graham and Lockett, Seattle won't need Russell Wilson to rush for 800+ yards again.

Position Battle Update: Does anybody have any clue what Kansas City is doing with their #2 WR slot? Jason Avant has the experience, Albert Wilson has the upside and De'Anthony Thomas has the versatility to do anything if he can hang onto the football and stay healthy. This game told us nothing about who is favored to win the job as Avant grabbed his first pass of the preseason for a whopping nine yards, Wilson had two receptions for fifteen yards last week but, disappeared this weekend and Thomas has one catch for no yardage. The disappointing reality is that Andy Reid has known Jason Avant since their days in Philadelphia and Avant is most likely to start considering his experience.

Who Should Stay?: LB Frank Zombo has always been impressive in short bursts of playing time and although the Chiefs are already stacked at Middle Linebacker, they could always use another body behind the injury-ridden Derrick Johnson. Zombo has eight tackles so far and has not lost a step despite not getting much playing time over the past five seasons. If Kansas City cuts him, he will find a bigger role elsewhere (Washington mayhaps?).

Who Should Go?: Sixth year DT D'Anthony Smith has disappointed throughout his career and even though most of that is due to injury, his most recent performances have been underwhelming. It's entirely plausible for Seattle to hang onto Smith with all of their cap restrictions but, there are plenty of Defensive Tackles on their roster that they could keep over Smith (Brandon Mebane, Ahtya Rubin, Jordan Hill, Landon Cohen, Jesse Williams are above him). Smith has one tackle this preseason.

Biggest Overreaction: Six tackles for losses by Kansas City? Seattle's offensive line is a disaster. Stay away from Marshawn Lynch in fantasy!

Panthers defeat Dolphins 31-30
Josh Freeman calls one great play and then loses all credibility again on failed two-point conversion.

Rookie of the Game: Iowa Running Back Brandon Wegher may not have played himself into a roster spot yet but, there is not an easier place to slip into the team's RB depth than in Carolina. Jonathan Stewart is a constant injury risk, Cameron Artis-Payne is a yet-to-be-proven rookie and the third spot is a free-for-all between veterans Jordan Todman and Fozzy Whittaker and the leader of the pack so far, Wegher. Wegher has ten carries for 39 yards and two touchdowns (both coming against Miami on Saturday). Wegher also caught a touchdown last week and really does seem to have convinced Carolina's coaches that he can play in the NFL. Jordan Todman will probably get a spot thanks to his special teams play but, Wegher seems to be the better Running Back right now.

Position Battle Update: Jordan Tripp and Zach Vigil are fighting for a roster spot as a backup Linebacker. Jordan Tripp is currently out with his long-term status unknown and Vigil is taking advantage of the opportunities he is getting now. Vigil, un-drafted out of Utah State, led the team in tackles last weekend with 5 (2 for loss and a sack) and recorded 4 more in another impressive outing against Carolina. Vigil will definitely make (at least) the practice squad at the end of the preseason.

Who Should Stay?: I think I already covered this. Zach Vigil and Brandon Wegher have earned spots.

Who Should Go?: Dolphins RB Mike Gillislee has gotten chances in the regular season (see: 2013) and provided no help to Ryan Tannehill and company. The fact that he looks totally brutal in the preseason (12-32-0) nails his fate. Damien Williams, LaMichael James, Jay Ajayi and Lamar Miller are higher on the totem pole.

Biggest Overreaction: Cam Newton went 4/10 without Kelvin Benjamin. No point in owning him in fantasy this year.

AP Photo/Bob Leverone
Most of Newton's value is in his legs anyway.
Eagles defeat Ravens 40-17
Chip Kelly's off-season additions make an impressive debut.

Rookie of the Game: Un-drafted Villanova RB Kevin Monangai is playing like every other Eagles deep, fifth-string Running Back in previous Chip Kelly-coached preseasons. Monangai and Raheem Mostert have been an awesome revelation and will likely both sit on somebody's practice squad this season the way Kenjon Barner sat on Philly's P. Squad most of 2014. Monangai racked up 95 yards on 11 touches this week and Mostert picked up 73 yards on 12 touches last week. All of this probably says more about Philadelphia's offensive line depth but, it's hard not to see real talent when Monangai ran all over that Panthers' third-string defense.

Position Battle Update: Breshad Perriman has sat out most of training camp and all of the preseason with a knee injury. This will have a great impact on his playing time at the beginning of the season. So, while Perriman's out, who gets the #2 WR job? Marlon Brown (1-21-0) has been thrust into the role before, Kamar Aiken (1-13-0) had been breaking out as a potential #3 option at the end of 2014 and Michael Campanaro (2-58-1) is a sleeper whom the Ravens seem to have high hopes for although, maybe not #2 receiver high hopes. I'd take Brown in this race since he has actually performed as a starter albeit, two years ago.

Who Should Stay?: The upside of RB Fitzgerald Toussaint is not as high (in my opinion) as the upside of RB Terrence Magee. I'm not saying that either guy should get more than 100 regular season carries in the future but, Magee (13-43-0) looks more elusive than Toussaint (9-31-0) so far this preseason. This battle is not over yet but, Magee should make the practice squad.

Who Should Go?: Matt Barkley has only 18 of 34 passes and with Tim Tebow exciting the fanbase, Barkley should be on the trading block if he weren't already. Remember how in 2012 Matt Barkley could have been the #1 overall pick but, decided to stay in college? Yeah, he definitely regrets that right now. He's about to lose his job to Tim Tebow which might not have been as embarrassing to 2012 Matt Barkley but, Tebow hasn't started since 2011.

Biggest Overreaction: Baltimore's defense was not prepared for this game, they'll probably be very poor this season.

Patriots defeat Saints 26-24
We're sorry we ever doubted you, Jimmy Garoppolo.

Rookie of the Game: Patriots Wide Receiver Chris Harper has people questioning why the Patriots ever trusted Aaron "Dropson" Dobson or Josh Boyce. The un-drafted California Golden Bear has shown potential as a possession receiver with 12 catches for 117 yards and a TD this week against New Orleans. If I were Bill Belichick (and I am most certainly not), I would move Harper up the depth chart to third behind Julian Edelman and Brandon LaFell.

Position Battle Update: Dustin Hopkins made two of three field goals, missing a challenging 55-yard kick. Zach Hocker did not even play. It has become apparent that Hopkins is the favorite to win the job and if Zach Hocker sits out game #3, lock it in.

Who Should Stay?: Despite the signing of Reggie Wayne this week, New England should keep Jonathan Krause along with the previously-mentioned Harper. Nine catches for 75 yards and Krause has established himself as a reliable receiver who might have a real on-the-field relationship with Jimmy Garoppolo. Remember, Reggie Wayne's roster spot is not guaranteed if Torry Holt and Joey Galloway's weren't.

Who Should Go?: It was very nice of Sean Payton to give RB Tim Hightower a chance after not playing in an NFL game for nearly four years. The 29 year old former Cardinal back has 38 yards on 15 carries and will likely be one of the first cuts next week. Besides, New Orleans already has C.J. Spiller, Mark Ingram and Khiry Robinson so the workload would have been non-existent for Hightower.

Biggest Overreaction: GOATroppolo looks like the real deal now! Nothing that happened in the first game matters anymore!

Bears defeat Colts 23-11
Colts' reserves look putrid again as Bears win behind Jeremy Langford.

Rookie of the Game & Position Battle Update: Jeremy Langford seems to be the Matt Forte'-handcuff we have all been waiting for. While Senorise Perry (4-1-0) and Ka'Deem Carey (5-13-0) regressed from their preseason debuts, Langford (9-80-1) won the game on his legs with some help from the o-line, Jacquizz Rodgers (9-34-0) and Jimmy Clausen (6/9-54-1-1). Here is an update on how each of the four Running Backs behind Matt Forte' have performed this preseason...

Jacquizz Rodgers: 17 touches, 69 yards, 0 TD
Jeremy Langford: 15 touches, 97 yards, 1 TD
Ka'Deem Carey: 12 carries, 47 yards, 1 TD
Senorise Perry: 14 carries, 90 yards, 1 TD

Daniel Thomas did not play and is incredibly unlikely to make the team.

Who Should Stay?: Josh Robinson is a virtual guarantee to make the Colts roster if they have any idea how football is played. Last week's performance (11 touches, 55 yards, 1 TD) just wasn't enough for Robinson so, he decided to come back better than ever this week with 14 touches for 67 yards. The thing that really impresses me with Robinson (a sixth-rounder from Mississippi State) is the consistency in his yards gained. That is something Indianapolis has not had since the early days of Joseph Addai.

Who Should Go?: Bryan Bennett (1/7-17-0-0) might just be the most over-matched Quarterback I have ever seen in my life. The scrambling capabilities are there but, that seems to be this guy's only weapon. Maybe a position change would do him some good but a 21.7% completion percentage through two games might just be a "Here's your sign" moment for Bennett.

Biggest Overreaction: Sam Acho sacked another QB? It's like Lance Briggs came back and was in his prime all over again!

Giants defeat Jaguars 22-12
A field goal festival ends with an overpaid receiver scoring the only touchdown.

Rookie of the Game: Giants DE Owa Odighizuwa made an impact in a game that was harder for rookies than others for some reason (I mean, I'm really reaching on this pick even though I liked what I saw from Owa). Odighizuwa lived up to his incredibly long and un-pronouncable name with two tackles and a pass deflection while causing havoc for Blake Bortles and his mediocre offensive line.

Position Battle Update: The Giants are totally screwed at Safety right now as second-year Safety Nat Berhe is out with a calf issue while other projected starter Landon Collins (2nd rounder from LSU) is out with a knee injury. If that wasn't bad enough, Bennett Jackson just tore his ACL during this very game. The current starters are former-Raven Jeromy Miles (bleh) and recent signee Brandon Meriweather (Yikes).

Who Should Stay?: James Jones caught 73 passes in 2014 as an Oakland Raider and is not far removed from his prime. I have no clue why Jones was left for dead in free agency for so long but, the man has shown Eli Manning and Ryan Nassib just what a steal he was for New York as Jones caught five passes for 83 yards in his Giants preseason debut. I would be a lot more confident in his "fantasy sleeper" status if Reuben Randle weren't already on the roster but let me make it clear, James Jones will make this roster easily.

Who Should Go?: Storm Johnson has 17 yards on eleven carries this preseason. After averaging just three yards per carry last season after a ton of hype from Jacksonville's staff, the 2014 7th-rounder short Jaguars stint may be finished. The team wants to keep Toby Gerhart (despite his contract) and use him in more of a Fullback role and Denard Robinson is clearly not going anywhere so, Storm may just have to storm out of Gus Bradley's office once he's cut. (Using puns about people losing their jobs? Real classy.)

Biggest Overreaction: Who is Geremy Davis? I don't know but, he looked good and caught four passes! Victor Cruz and Corey Washington better watch out! There's a new unheard of Giants receiver ready to take over the league!

Vikings defeat Raiders 20-12
Teddy Bridgewater continues to impress in Mike Zimmer's 7th consecutive preseason victory.

Rookie of the Game: Raiders LB Ben Heeney it is again! The Oakland starting Linebacker corps (Curtis Lofton, Khalil Mack and Malcolm Smith) is pretty much set especially when Heeney is almost exclusively an interior linebacker. The Kansas Linebacker now has 13 tackles, 1.5 sacks and a forced fumble on the preseason. He might not be a starter but, he should make one hell of a backup.

Position Battle Update: I was one of many that believed in the raw talent that Jerick McKinnon showed flashes of last season. I still believe in McKinnon but, the belief is fading as do McKinnon's flashes. Matt Asiata (6-28-0) did a much better job at the goal line last season and has looked better in smaller doses than McKinnon does in any doses (17-28-0). McKinnon will need to take a backseat for another year as he'll likely fall to third in favor behind Asiata and Adrian Peterson.

Who Should Stay?: Oakland has not had a problem keeping troubled players on their rosters in the past (see: Randy Moss, DeAngelo Hall, Terrelle Pryor) and Michael Dyer appears to be enough of a talent on the field that if he ever does get to be a headache, they might be willing to ignore it. Dyer's tale began in 2011 when Auburn suspended him for an undisclosed violation of team rules. In March of 2012, Dyer was pulled over with a gun and a bag of marijuana. Dyer was then dismissed from Arkansas State before ever playing a game for them. In an effort to rehabilitate his image, Dyer attended Arkansas Baptist College for a year and only studied without any football to be played. In 2013, Dyer transferred to Louisville and was improving his stock until he was determined academically ineligible for the Belk Bowl last December. Now, Dyer is an un-drafted free agent trying to earn a roster spot over draft bust Trent Richardson or former Cornerback Taiwan Jones. If his past showings on the field in college weren't enough and if his preseason showing (17-56-0) isn't enough, it might not even matter considering how horribly Trent Richardson has played (10-23-0).

Who Should Go?: Trent Richardson. It's over folks. It's over.

Biggest Overreaction: Amari Cooper caught one 40-yard pass. Calvin Johnson catches 40-yard passes all the time! Coincidence? I think not.

Broncos defeat Texans 14-10
Denver's lineman cause issues for the Houston offensive line in a low-scoring struggle.

Rookie of the Game: Defensive Tackle Darius Kilgo sure makes a lot of plays for being a Defensive Tackle. Kilgo's impact has been felt in both Bronco games thus-far with four tackles and a sack against Seattle and two additional tackles with another sack this week. The sixth-rounder out of Maryland does not have much of a chance at playing time behind former first-rounder Sylvester Williams and fifth-year vet Sione Fua but, he probably doesn't need to worry about being cut by the Broncos.

Position Battle Update: Brandon McManus has won over Gary Kubiak (apparently) and Connor Barth was released in a shocking move (to people that care about Denver's kicking situation). Barth was a perfect 3/3 on field goals and made his only extra point on Saturday but, now he'll enter a new battle with Patrick Murray as he signed with Tampa Bay (again) almost immediately after his Denver release. McManus is now a serious option at Kicker in fantasy but, can you trust him after his replacement last year? Gary Kubiak seems to think so.

Who Should Stay?: Texans RB Chris Polk (12 touches, 70 yards, 0 TD) should not only make the active roster, he should probably start while Arian Foster is down with his current injury. Polk is the receiving threat that Foster is and Alfred Blue is not while also looking like the far superior rusher this preseason. Alfred Blue has carried the load before but, even then he only averaged 3.1 yards per carry last year. Polk was always interesting in Philadelphia and might finally get a chance to showcase his ability in Houston this year.

Who Should Go?: Kenny Hilliard has 42 yards on 20 carries in two games and with the team's faith in Alfred Blue and the breakout of Polk, Hilliard's roster slot is likely to be filled already. Jonathan Grimes certainly isn't budging either with the most experience of any of Houston's options in the backfield. Hilliard (a 7th-rounder out of LSU) will get assigned to the practice squad in all likelihood because he is nowhere near ready to play in the NFL yet.

Biggest Overreaction: Texans LB Kourtnei Brown (who had two sacks last week and a pick-six this week) is already better than the former #1 draft pick DE Courtney Brown.

Chargers defeat Cardinals 22-19
Philip Rivers sits out a comeback win for San Diego as the city's team stays sunny and undefeated.

Rookie of the Game: Northern Iowa RB David Johnson is good after all! I became very skeptical about Johnson's value to Arizona once the team signed veteran RB Chris Johnson but, with a new injury as part of the CJ2K package, David Johnson is back in the lead for Arizona's backup Running Back spot. DJnoK's touched the ball fifteen times for 81 yards against San Diego's defense. This all came a week after DJnoK's (I really hope this catches on) sat out the game against Kansas City so, he left an impressive first piece of tape. Chris Johnson really doesn't seem like a fit in Arizona for major playing time (like Emmitt Smith's final season only, minus the carries given based out of respect) and this Position Battle Update is something that could change overnight as Andre Ellington starting is not a given, David Johnson is still a virtual unknown and CJ2K could be cut or injured at any moment without prior warning. Arizona has built a terrific team under Bruce Arians but, they have no clue what they are doing at Running Back right now nor have they since Edgerrin James retired.

Who Should Stay?: UAB Receiver J.J. Nelson has the purest speed on Arizona's roster and his 57-yard catch this week let him grab the viewer's attention for a couple of seconds. Nelson now has three receptions for 77 yards and the fifth rounder does not need to do much other than keep on running to make Arizona's roster. If Bruce Arians does not keep Nelson, somebody will scoop him up ASAP.

Who Should Go?: Sacred Heart Corner Gordon Hill just looks plain outmatched on the few plays that QB's have targeted Hill's receiver he was supposed to be covering. The un-drafted rookie Charger has amassed two tackles and is highly unlikely to make the team despite an impressive camp.

Biggest Overreaction: The Chargers' o-line can't run block at all! Melvin Gordon is going to have a terribly disappointing season.

Steelers defeat Packers 24-19
Sloppy field and sloppy play leave Green Bay down a receiver and Pittsburgh minus a Center.

Rookie of the Game: Steelers' receiver Tyler Murphy convinced a lot of skeptics on whether or not he could transition from Quarterback to Wide Receiver for a better chance at an NFL career. The mobile Boston College athlete caught four passes for 61 yards including a 22-yard touchdown catch in the fourth quarter. Maybe, there is a chance that Murphy is the next Antwaan Randle El after all.

Position Battle Update: Bruce Gradkowski was placed on Injured Reserve thanks to a non-throwing arm injury. As an immediate reaction to the news, Pittsburgh knew they could not trust Landry Jones yet (nor should they ever) and signed Michael Vick to a one-year deal. Vick is a step up from every backup Pittsburgh has owned since Charlie Batch retired and hopefully, he's thinking about more than just the paycheck this season.

Who Should Stay?: Green Bay LB Carl Bradford is having a very good string of performances so far. After a learning curve put him on the practice squad in 2014, the fourth-rounder from Arizona State seems ready to play some NFL snaps. After his two tackles and a sack last week, Bradford added five tackles and one for a loss on Sunday against Pittsburgh. A.J. Hawk's departure may give Bradford more playing time but, it is unlikely that we see him beat out the Jake Ryans of the world for a starting job yet.

Who Should Go?: Shakim Phillips may have looked alright this week with three catches for 47 yards and a touchdown but, the Steelers are absolutely stacked at the Wide Receiver position. Phillips made an impressive catch in his Steeler debut during the Hall of Fame game but, followed it up with a single easy catch on six targets against Jacksonville. That game last week sealed his fate on a roster that includes Antonio Brown, Martavis Bryant, Markus Wheaton, Tyler Murphy, Sammie Coates, C.J. Goodwin (also likely to be released) and Darrius Heyward-Bey (probably on the roster bubble at this point). Phillips may find work elsewhere but, I'm not that impressed after three games.

Biggest Overreaction: Jordy Nelson tore his ACL so, I'm not picking Green Bay to win the division this year. It's not like the insane amount of mediocrity from the rest of the division for the past thirty years will carry on any longer.

49ers defeat Cowboys 23-6
Only defense and special teams mattered in this one as Romo completed one pass for negative yardage and exited.

Rookie of the Game: Former rugby star Jarryd Hayne just keeps on rolling. Another 54 yards on eight carries would have the sports world exited enough but, the three long punt returns of 23, 27 and 34 yards has everybody elated at this great story. Hayne is averaging an incredible amount of yardage on punt returns and with San Fran's roster in a continuous state of flux, he should be on the 53-man roster at the end of the preseason and he is Who Should Stay.

Position Battle Update: Joseph Randle has the Running Back position locked down for Dallas as long as he doesn't need cologne or underwear anytime soon. Darren McFadden (3-4-0) had a quick and uninspiring debut behind Dallas's elite o-line while, Randle (7-30-0) clearly has the fresher set of legs and should rush for a nice 1,000 yards this season with health.

Who Should Go?: Dallas Linebacker Ka'Lial Glaud is a former Buccaneer looking to make it as a backup in Dallas. If he wants to make it, he's going to need to stop whiffing on as many tackles as I've seen him do these past two weeks. The un-drafted third-year pro out of Rutgers has matched his career total of two tackles over two games with a single pass deflection and with all Dallas LB's currently healthy, Glaud does not have much of a chance.

Biggest Overreaction: Dallas's starting offense looked really mediocre. THEY MUST BE REGRESSING! NO PLAYOFFS THIS YEAR!

Scott Strazzante, The Chronicle
Hayne refuses to go down unless tackled by a Punter.
Titans defeat Rams 27-14
Nick Foles has more trouble adjusting to new team than Mariota in Titans win over St. Louis.

Rookie of the Game: Sean Mannion flew under the national radar at Oregon State and will likely do the same in St. Louis if he ever gets the chance to start. Mannion was selected with the 89th overall pick during the third round of this year's draft and was taken as a safety precaution in case Nick Foles gets injured (something he's been known to do) or disappoints (something else he has done in the past). Mannion looked like the future of St. Louis for a series during this nationally-aired game, completing six of seven attempts for 93 yards and screen-pass touchdown to RB Malcolm Brown. His stats were majorly inflated by Brown's yards after the catch but, Mannion still showed precision that neither Case Keenum nor Austin Davis have consistently shown in the NFL. Keenum is the odd man out with 19 completions in 33 attempts so far while, Austin Davis and Mannion are left to battle it out for Nick Foles' backup position.

Position Battle Update: The Titans' Running Back battle is important as whomever wins will be trusted with taking some of the pressure off of rookie QB Marcus Mariota. Here is an update on the two candidates totals through two weeks...

David Cobb: 21 touches, 88 yards, 0 TD
Bishop Sankey: 14 carries, 60 yards, 0 TD

If I had to guess, I would say that Cobb is your week one starter (or at least, the better fantasy option) at this point because he has played with both the first-string and second-string offenses while, Sankey has barely played after the first-team leaves the game. Sankey looks good so far this preseason but, he looked great last preseason and that did not work out so hot. Cobb looks much better with the first-team offense and tends to follows his blockers and be much harder to bring down than Sankey. It will be a Running Back by committee at first but, Cobb seems to be the more trustworthy option early on.

Who Should Stay?: Rams RB Trey Watts looks like the guy I irrationally hype up as the next Darren Sproles as I do every preseason. Watts touched the ball nine time for a total of 99 yards and was instrumental in the safety-blanket shot-passing game. Watts made the team late last season and got seven attempts for thirty yards after every Rams backup RB was injured. This season, Todd Gurley and Tre' Mason are sealed in above him on the depth chart but, the third spot is up for grabs and I like Watts to make the team over Malcolm Brown.

Who Should Go?: Nobody's fate should be decided by a missed tackle during the preseason but, Khalid Wooten has bounced around on Tennessee's practice squad during their most mediocre seasons as a football team (2013 & '14). My point is that Wooten's had his chances, he's gotten his playing time and at a certain point, Tennessee should move on from the un-drafted Nevadan Corner. He was barely involved in Sunday night's game until he missed a tackle on Malcolm Brown's ridiculous 54-yard catch-and-run touchdown.

Biggest Overreaction: Nick Foles is awful. Chip Kelly has already won that trade.

Buccaneers embarrass Bengals 25-11
Which team went 2-14 again? I forgot.

Rookie of the Game: Jameis Winston went 8/13 for 90 yards and scrambled into the end zone for another touchdown run. He's earned that starting job and looks like he might just be good right away.

Position Battle Update: Chris Conte has been absent from Buccaneer games and practices due to a lingering hamstring injury but, he should return this week against the Browns. Bradley McDougald has done all that he could manage with Conte sidelined (2 tackles and an interception) and it seems like a stalemate for the moment but, we've all seen Conte play before and McDougald seems like the better option based on the uncertainty as to whether or not he could be at least average (an improvement over Conte).

Who Should Stay?: WR Russell Shepard continues to play special teams at a level you would not expect a legitimate Wide Receiver to play the position. Shepard has three special teams tackles through two games (something he did quite well last season) and has actually improved in the passing game as an additional bonus to keeping him on the roster. Two catches, 44 yards and one TD are not typically stats to get exited about but, when Shepard is more used for his easily-replaceable special teams abilities, it's nice to see him as a potential threat on offense as well.

Who Should Go?: Marvin Lewis. In all seriousness, I am not sure why the Bengals' organization still has so much faith in a man who has yet to win a playoff game. This should be the make or break year for him and if he could not get his starters to actually play like they meant it on Monday Night Football in front of the nation, he will not be making it through the end of the year.

Biggest Overreaction: Fire Marvin Lew... Oh wait, I actually said that. Ok, I'm officially reading too much into the preseason.

Good luck to your teams and may everyone stay healthy! Nobody likes torn ACL's.