Wisconsin Rapids Bro League
Bro...
Matthew Stafford owes me a new pair of headphones. It's not like the old-school earmuff style headphones I have now are completely broken (they sound just fine in fact) but just as soon as I cave in to the narrative that the former Lions quarterback is a for-sure Hall of Fame player, the Rams' Super Bowl winning QB let me down on Monday night. No, I didn't bet the Rams over Miami nor did I even take the over despite hyping up what was ultimately a barely watchable primetime game while nothing else of significant sports note was on the guide. In my TD-only league, I gave up on the low ceiling of Patrick Mahomes, facing the somewhat vaunted Bronco defense in favor of the veteran Stafford, one week removed from a flashy four touchdown explosion where he looked like 2011 Stafford with all of his weapons healthy. Not only were Cooper Kupp and Puka Nacua back for 100% of this game, so were offensive linemen Steve Avila and Alaric Jackson. I didn't even know those two were out but that would have sold me even more on the idea of a nice game against the Dolphins' mid defense. Going into Monday night, neither Father Todd and I's team nor our opponent had earned victory as it was a lame duck of a week for fantasy points and we only held a 20-15 lead. We had Stafford and lineup lock RB Kyren Williams, he had RB De'Von Achane and hampered WR Tyreek Hill. Hill scored the only touchdown of those four and we lost 20-21. It would not have been so brutal nor ugly a loss had the Rams not opted to kick a field goal, bringing themselves within eight points of the Dolphins, under a minute remaining with no timeouts left... one play after Stafford had a wide open Williams mere steps away from the goal-line ON SECOND DOWN. Yes, Rams rookie kicker Joshua Karty (not someone I saw drafted or owned in any league with fewer than 14 teams this season) got to show off his right foot with a glorious five field goal game on national television. Rams lose 15-23, Tornados lose 20-21. I'm usually pretty good at only occasionally stewing internally at my own shortcomings as a fantasy football manager but watching this game with the much more boisterous and originally optimistic Father Todd, I spiked my headphones into the table and now they don't lock in place when they're fully stretched out over my head. Thankfully, I've got a decent sized melon atop my skeletal and it's not an issue worth filing a lawsuit at Stafford in search of his Sleep Number mattress money but I do think that he personally owes my dad an apology at least.
We traded him out of spite the next day straight up for Browns QB Jameis Winston since we also still have both Steeler quarterbacks and if anything happens to Russell Wilson, we should be able to survive with Fields and the plan is pretty much Mahomes moving forward. The Chiefs QB can at least advance his standing on the all-time scoring leaderboard whether that brings glory to our 5-5 aura-less team or not. It was a dark week in fantasy football that I'm sure plenty of us felt thanks to a million different underperformers. This was actually our first week all season to feature a team scoring under 100 points and still earning a hypothetical win as a top-four scorer in week 10. The only reason I was even able to beat out Gabe for this hypothetical honor was because of a last-minute move to bench the still-inactive WR Nico Collins (speaking of temporary disappointment) for RB Dare Ogunbowale as my FLEX. The former Badger has been used as a third-down back of sorts to spell Joe Mixon in games where Houston is playing from behind and I thought that Detroit was going to spank their asses the way they have every other team the past month. Instead, it was a close game where the Lions needed a second-half collapse from a dry Texans offensive gameplan and Ogunbowale's ONE carry for eleven yards was the hypothetical difference. In actual fantasy football (an extremely confusing double negative), Sparky's Dad Weights and Protein Shakes saw QB Jayden Daniels hit a bit of a wall with Washington's offense opting to run the ball into the end zone three times despite the absence of starting RB Brian Robinson Jr.. Also perhaps regressing to their original expectations were the Minnesota Vikings. Jaime couldn't get a single touchdown out of their offense either thanks to Sam Darnold throwing three interceptions, two in the end zone, all targeting DWAPS WR Justin Jefferson. It probably doesn't help that RB Aaron Jones has to escape to the locker room or blue tent for at least a full series per game. Jones is not seriously hurt though and Sparky should be just fine moving forward as he sits at 5-5, now missing kicker Harrison Butker after knee surgery. It's amazing that anything positive could have come from me choosing the wrong QB and FLEX off the waiver wire while also starting WR Brian Thomas Jr. to crickets but when you fuck around and balance your fortunes by not repeating any of the same roster you have in another league (in this case, the TD-only league has zero commonalities besides the recently-added Pittsburgh defense), one is simply doomed/blessed to find out. Is four leagues too many? probably? Is fourteen?
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| This is what owning four fantasy teams, sitting at a combined 20-20 square of mediocrity looks like. |
Believe it or not, there were worse results than Sparky losing a fifth week out of six. His team practically no-showing, only to have a loss painfully dragged out during a sloppy Sunday night game was probably worse if not on par with Cole Walters' week. The 96ers couldn't even muster 96 points out of a full lineup let alone three players as the urban legend goes. The Van Buren Boys have been the odds-on favorite since September and this week, Hoefs Ja'Marr Chase-d down the 96ers no problem with a season-high 55.5 points on Thursday night football. I did not know that it was legal for there to be quality Thursday Night Football games and with Commanders-Eagles coming up in week 11, who knows? maybe there's a hot streak oncoming? There aren't really any hot streaks to speak of in the Bro League right now as every week 9 loser was a week 10 winner besides Hoefs winning a second straight and taking first place from Cole's cold hands in the Steven Nett Division and Stoltz, who dropped his second straight, in the same division. It's a big cluster of mediocrity, this 2024 NFL season. The only outliers are the Ravens offense, the Steelers defense, the Lions and the Chiefs.
Gabe's loss came to the WRBL-leading Caleb Williams Nail Polish, showing off a fresh coat of that 7-3 paint. Brett now looks to hold that feeling of superiority over the rest of the league, including specifically T-O-D-D Todd To Go this week with all of our star Cardinals on bye (RB James Conner and WR Marvin Harrison Jr. for Brett, TE Trey McBride for Andy). The other star Cardinal (Kyler Murray) was already on Gabe's bench so it appears as though Jalen Hurts will push and squirt his way through TNF as the Electric Orcas take on the deflating Dad Weights and Protein Shakes. With a month left in our regular season, very little hope remains for Tax Paying Homeowner Alec Swanson as he needs to win out just to finish the regular season at .500 for the first time since Biden was in office and that's a long time ago, Jack! His first challenger on the quest to respectability? The mighty Van Buren Boys, over a 100-point advantage in scoring this season compared to any other WRBL squad. Lastly, Cole takes Nick on in a battle of seconds, not to be confused with the battle FOR seconds that takes place two weeks from now after everyone has finished their first plate of Thanksgiving food. It'll sort of feel like Thanksgiving on Sunday with rivalries renewed between the Bears-Packers and Steelers-Ravens games and yes, the Lions are playing. Why did the Steelers and Bears wait until now to start their in-division matchups? That seems like a potential incoming collapse that was extremely avoidable... much like the sun dominating your home stadium's football games.
@rodger.bsky.social
Rodger Sherman's substack post on "The Old Man and The Sun"
Official WRBL Standings
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| Getty Images Hero of the Week: WR Ja'Marr Chase (The Van Buren Boys) |
Cole v. Nick
